Ever since I can remember I have been a physically active person. When I was a kid, I would run all over Hell’s creation with my little French boyfriend Freddie. Freddie and I played Cowboys and Indians, Johnny and Roy (from that ER show in the 70’s), Cops and Robbers, Jungle Warriors and/or whatever else seemed fun for the day. We would run to the frog pond daily, climb huge cliffs (which now as an adult turn out to be a 5 foot tall rock wall), bike anywhere and everywhere... until the street lights came on and we were dragged inside every night by our mothers. Then the next day, we would start the magic all over again like kids do....with an endless supply of energy and excitement. Then one day, Freddie told his Dad that he could not go to hockey because I wanted him to stay home and play Barbie’s with me...Freddie’s family moved away in the middle of the night because I wouldn’t let Freddie play hockey....or so it seemed to me as a kid!
So, I ventured out of our yard and found another fun friend in Barbara-Lynn. We hooked up with other neighbourhood kids and played hide and go seek, freezer tag, dodge ball, hopscotch, skipped (double Dutch of course!) and biked everywhere possible! We went swimming, ice skating, and roller skating (with those old metal 4 wheels that attached to your sneakers). Let’s not forget about climbing the mammoth steep walls of the gravel pit over and over again for an incredibly dangerous sliding adventure in the winter (sorry you broke your tailbone Barb!). If I was on my own, I biked or hiked the trails down to 3rd Falls, went worm digging or stared up into the sky with bewilderment just for the heck of it. I twirled baton as a Loch Lomond majorette and gathered swimming badges every year until there weren’t any more badges left to get! Activity has (and always will) remain to be a mainstay in my life. I enjoy hiking, biking, skiing, snow shoeing, spinning, golfing and anything else that may fall into my adventurous path. So, despite being a full figured woman, I am a fit (albeit fat) adult.
A couple of weeks ago I participated in a 10 km Legs for Literacy charity walk. It was a gorgeous sunny day...a perfect day for a walk with a friend. We finished the walk 1 minute shy of 2 hours and we were so thrilled with our accomplishment! The day was pretty much uneventful...with the exception of random strangers cheering us on in what I perceived as patronizing. “WOW! YOU CAN DO IT! KEEP GOING! GOOD FOR YOU GUYS! DON’T’ QUIT NOW!!!” I never heard these comments made to the people in front or behind us....because we were really the only fatties in the immediate vicinity! We are not morbidly obese...we are not 500 pounds, we were not crawling on hands and knees or dragging our knuckles, crying...we weren’t eating Big Mac combos as we walked...so why on earth would anyone say...DON’T QUIT! Did I SAY I was going to quit? Now before you even think that I may be a little too “sensitive”....please read on. This is merely the springboard that has inspired me to write this blog!
Years ago, I randomly pulled into the Running Room. I was 270 pounds and a pack a day smoker. I stomped out my cigarette and walked in to sign up for a ‘Learn to Run’ clinic. It wasn’t easy by any means....but I did it (and smoked a pack a day!). I met one of my most awesome gal pals of all time Carol because the two of us were always in the back of the pack. We would joke about how we were assigned to ensure everyone in the pack stayed together and did not get lost...and this was the ONLY reason that we were constantly in the back....to watch out for stragglers. One day, when Carol and I were running with the group (in the very back as usual) to the 2 km marker on the trail and back. We were just about past the 1km marker when the front of the pack was on their way back to the finish line. All of a sudden... a gazelle-esque Barbie doll with long blonde hair to her ass (perfectly swaying in place with the wind)...broke free from the “perfect people formation”, jumped in front of Carol and me and started running backwards with ease. As “Barbie” ran backwards with no effort...Carol and I forced a smile between our extremely laboured breaths...and before either one of us could say a polite rendition of “what the fuck do you want?”...Barbie slapped her fist on her chest (in a Celine Dion kind of way)...and in a very thick French accent squealed... “LOOK AT YOU GO!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK at you GOOOOO!!!” She was smiling broadly at me....she actually had a little tear in her eye...and continued to point and say “YOU...CAN...DO... IT!!!! LOOK AT YOU GO!!!! Then, just like a vampire out of Twilight, Barbie did a few cartwheels and was back sprinting at the front of the perfect people pack.
Now, let’s try to figure out why Barbie selected me out of a group of 40 people.....Saucany running shoes...check...Running Room jacket...check...black spandex leggings...IS THE ASS SPLIT OUT OF THEM??????.... NO? (Phew!)... Hummmmmm...let me see (scratching me head here)...did I have a Terry Fox steel peg leg? Nope...both legs...check. In that blink of an eye...before you can even ask yourself what the hell just happened...the all too familiar reason why I was selected by Barbie reared its ugly head and TUBBY was born! I slapped my chest in a “My Left Foot” kind of way (rather than a Celine Dion kind of way) and in my very best gimpy voice....I loudly and proudly proclaimed “TUBBY takes a run! TUBBY takes a run!” Carol and I pissed ourselves laughing and continued to run. I know Barbie meant well with her tearful and sincere proclamation...but it broke my heart...and really PISSED me off!
Recently, a BBW (big beautiful woman) friend of mine inspired me to hurry up and complete this blog after she told me a similar story about her experiences with ignoranus (ignorani?). It broke my heart to learn that I am not alone in my “Close Encounters of the TUBBY kind!” She told me about bumping into an instructor from her gym while out shopping. The instructor excitedly turned to her husband and said “honey this is the lady from the gym that I was telling you about!”....sounds good so far right? ... Then she went on to say “you really do put those skinny girls to shame in class...they should be ashamed of themselves if they can’t keep up with you!” OK gym bitch....please continue on shoving your size nine Nikes in your big mouth... let’s put the cherry on top... “You truly should be an inspiration to the skinny girls in class...if you can do it anybody can!” WTF? EX-SQUEEZE-ME? Did I just hear you right? ARE YOU SERIAL???
I have experienced these uncomfortable and ridiculously ignorant moments many times. One time, I was happily sifting through a selection of black thigh highs at a specialty panty hose shop when the clerk randomly came along (with a face crunched up like someone had farted) and said “Excuse me...but there is a store for YOU people next door.”(A plus-sized woman’s clothing store). I said “MY people? What kind of people would be MY people?” Without pause she said “we have nothing here for you”. Now, those who know me would brace themselves for what would happen next...but truth be told...I was so flabbergasted and shocked that I just had to walk away. I was so full of rage that I feared for the clerk’s safety and mine....so in hindsight it was probably still the best thing to do. Another time, I was helping a male friend do some Christmas shopping for his petite girlfriend. As I was sifting through some very expensive Far West ski jackets in the small sizes....a clerk randomly approached me and informed me that there was NOTHING in the store for me. My male friend (who was prepared to drop some major coin in this store) said “we’re outta here” and we left. This bullshit happens to me more often than you’d ever want to know, let alone experience...OH MY! There’s a new inspiration for a title here...”TUBBY goes to the mall!”....or maybe better still... “TUBBY punches the shit out of an IGNORANUS (ignorant+ asshole) store clerk!
I digress; when the winter approached I took to running at the gym on the treadmill. I could not help but notice people stopping their workout and staring. Others would wander in for a drink from the fountain and look at me...look up at the clock...and look back to me in amazement. My all time favourites were the ones who were on the treadmills beside me. The skinny ninnies would look at my speed, up their speed over and above it, and would stop breathless moments later....while TUBBY continue to trudge along. I would smack my chest and say in my very best gimpy voice...“TUBBY takes a run! TUBBY takes a run!” I must admit that I started to take some pleasure from their unsolicited and shocked responses...so I would run even longer than I had planned....sometimes for over an hour! Skinny bitch after skinny bitch would step on to the treadmill beside me...heads going back and forth from my speed setting and time to their speed setting...again and again...in a panic they would set their speed higher over and over again...only to surrender prematurely to the epic (and perplexing) physical capabilities of TUBBY!
One of my favourite classes at my gym is called Body Pump. It involves an hour of squats, lunges, abs and ridiculous contortionist positions while holding a barbell with weights and simultaneously performing upper body work. Truth be told it is a bitch...but worth the “high” to successfully complete this physically challenging and tortuous class. So now...I get a masochistic and sick satisfaction in watching the horrified faces of these skinny ninnies who struggle (and ultimately fail) to keep up with me. I park myself in the very front of the class, in front of the mirror....not to watch my form...but to watch them all suffer and struggle to keep up with me, and then take a break or better still quit. This keeps my motivation up....and I LOVE IT! When I am having a difficult time...and my asshole inner voice says “just quit”...I take a glance in the mirror and smirk...I gather the strength from their suffering to continue. These all too often and humiliating experiences have led me to the conclusion that it is my destiny is to write a series of children’s books featuring TUBBY! TUBBY wants you to know...just because someone is skinny it does not mean that they are fit. In fact, sometimes TUBBY wants to flip the bird and say... "You just can’t judge a book by its blubber!!”
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”~ Wayne Dyer
Lynn
;)
