Commercial Crap!

There is a TV commercial that runs here in NB to celebrate our teachers. Overall it is a nice gesture. BUT...I get ugly every time I see it. here's some of the dialogue for you.

Skinny kid in a drama-esque costume says " Thank you for going over my lines with me before the big play"

Skinny kid in lovely sweater and pants says " Thank you for teaching me all about chemistry so I can cure cancer"

Skinny kid in nice outfit says " Thank you for teaching me all about astrophysics so I can build a space shuttle"

FAT KID in sloppy hockey jersey and sweat pants says " Thank you for teaching me not to eat cheese burgers before the game"

WTF???? All the skinny kids are thanking their teachers for helping them save the world, or be on Broadway, or design the entire space program and the FAT KID is told not to eat before the game....you hear that piglet??? No puking on the ice FATSO! Hold off on the pre-game gorging you useless glutton! You are the goalie because everyone has to make the team....you skate too slow and fill the net ya PIG! Great message there eh?

The next commercial that drives me over the bend is the Special K challenge commercials. Some chick in a little teeny weeny size triple zero red dress passes on eating some donuts at the office so she can 'fit' in this snot rag sized red hanky. I am not sure of what tone they are trying to set. The music for the commercial is the 'Sex in the City' theme. There is a guy who is really gay ...who is really terrible at acting gay...so his over zealous attempts of trying to be ultra gay are incredibly annoying. There is also another girl in the ad who I cannot recall. The fake/real gay guy and the one who plays 'not the skinny or pretty office girl' are both in grayish but proper office attire. The triple zero waif either really LOVES this dress or she is waiting for the pay check from shooting the commercial because it is the only outfit she wears in 3 different commercials!!! Did you know the "Special K Challenge" consists of eating only Special K cereal for breakfast and lunch for 2 weeks? Is the challenge not to die of rickets? What kind of sick advertising campaign is this? Has anyone eaten Special K lately? It is puffed air!! I can eat a barrel of it...and still be hungry.

My point is...although there is a whole world out there with much larger and important issues than a number on the scale...it is very difficult to 'swallow' the world's skewed view on fat people. The sad truth is with all the pressure to maintain political correctness, avoid harassment or prejudiced claims, and cultural and/or sexual sensitivity training bullshit...the only demographic that is still safe to pick on are the FAT people!We are a target by elimination! You can try to convince me all you like that the world's view of fat people is not as skewed as I see it...but I doubt anyone can dispute some TV commercial's messages are just plain whacked!! S.O.S- Save our society!

The only difference between a weed and a flower is a judgment.
- Wayne Dyer

Lynn
;)

Live to Eat

There are people out there who simply eat to live...these people do not think about food...or dream about food... or have any kind of blissful release during the ingestion of chocolate or melted cheese! I heard about these types of people but I always thought it was just another crazy urban legend! I have never understood these types. When I wake up I think about what is for breakfast before my feet hit the floor! Sometimes I think about what I am going to eat next...while I am eating.

My husband has been a steady 145 pounds since the day we met 13 years ago. He has been able to eat whatever he wants....whenever he wants. He can go for several hours without eating anything at all. His kids are the same. A trip to McDonald's always resulted in extra fries for me...extra cheeseburgers....besides my full meal. When the kids were young....I was the human garbage disposal. When we eat a meal, my husband finishes his meal very quickly and leaves the table. I am typically left at the table alone for another 10-15 minutes to finish my meal. I eat slowly, take my time and savor my meals.

I recently read a study that revealed eating is a sociable event for people with weight issues and a functional non event for those who do not have problems with weight. This makes perfect sense to me because my husband and his family eat and leave the table as soon as they are done their meal; whereas mealtime is an event when I visit with my family. All socializing takes place at the heart and soul of my family’s home...the kitchen table. We spend hours sipping tea...laughing and chatting...a cookie here....a piece of cheese there...hours of enjoyable company and nibbling…warm and fuzzy comfy cozy home.

When I did my own impromptu study I too discovered that the majority of skinny people eat to live and the majority of ‘pleasantly plump’ live to eat. I love thinking about food, planning it, anticipating, smelling it and best of all…eating it. Something put together with love and passion actually tastes better too! I love being passionate about food…I wouldn’t change that I live to eat for all the tea (plus cheese plus cookies plus chocolate) in China!

“Always get the fat girl to make your sandwich”-Alexis Truax RN/BN

Kick my ass!

Alice came to the fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I apologize for my absence on the blog for the last couple of weeks. I have come to a fork in the road. I have no idea where I am going....or why I am trying to get there....or why I am so resistant to getting there. I have lost my way. I am so frustrated with all of my efforts and exercise....and getting fatter and fatter and fatter! UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! I like to use this blog to inspire others and to motivate you all to try something new...not give up. But, over the last three weeks I had given up on myself! I am totally out of control and I am not moving AT ALL!

In fact, I have actually discovered what the bottom of the barrel tastes like.In my case, the bottom of the barrel tastes like 2 pieces of birthday cake and half of a home made butterscotch pie. I just got back from a visit home and I made a total pig of myself! I was shoving treats down into a big bottomless barrel....AND I licked the bottom. I don't even like store bought vanilla cakes and the 4" thick icing....but I ate 2 big ass slices icing and all. I felt sick as hell after I ate it...but moved on to that incredibly ridiculous delicious butterscotch pie. Sadly, I think I could have ate 2 of them by myself. I am out of control...totally. I have not exercised or followed any kind of diet or healthy eating since I returned from my ski trip. I cannot tell you why...I do not have an excuse. I have even gone so far as to drive to the gym and drive right back home without going into the gym at all. I simply did not want to go.I didn't have the will to get out of the car.

I am quite frustrated because I cannot even fake an excuse. I have a great life. No major crisis going on. The best excuse I can come up with is a nasty case of the winter blues...SAD...seasonal affective disorder. I have not been officially diagnosed but I swear it has been a chore to get out of bed and dressed over the past couple of weeks. Thankfully I have a friend who does not take "no" for an answer. She asked me to go night skiing last week...I hummed and hawed....and she said "I will pick you up in a half hour be ready!" I had a great time and got outside to exercise...and topped the night off with some great laughs, deep fried onion petals and ice cold beer! MMMMMMMM! This is the same gal pal who owns my step dogs...she lets me pretend that I am a step parent when we walk them! She does not take no for an answer on dog walking days either! Thank goodness I have an asskicker! Thank you thank you thank you!

After my big pig out this week end....or any thought of a pig out in the future...I should call upon my ass kicker. I need a direction, I need a plan, I need a schedule. I must get my butt in gear and get out there and have some of those crazy experiences that you all love to read! I have a mini triathalon to get ready for! I am not backing out of that goal...my asskicker wouldn't allow it anyway...in fact she would KILL me at the mention of such foolishness! I am going to get rocking...back on track ...no ifs ands or (kicked) butts!


Lynn
;)

Chairway to Heaven

I am shocked that I not only can ski...but that I really LOVE to ski. I didn't start off too good. The first time I ever went skiing, was with my grade 12 advanced Phys ED class. Now, those who know me are giggling because I am not your typical advanced Phys Ed class kind of gal. In fact, I had to beg the teacher Mr. Jones to let me in the class. I convinced him that he would be responsible for my outlook on physical fitness for the rest of my life...he bought it hook, line and sinker. The real reason I wanted in the class was because it was a fun bird course, got me out of a hellish advanced biology course...and the class was full of HOT GUYS! Mr. Jones made me swear NO EXCUSES would be tolerated from me. I was all in or out! So, in I was!

The first quarter of the class involved swimming. That was a breeze for me because I have been swimming since I was 3 years old. One day, Mr. Jones took some of my class mates beneath the pool to look through the port holes in the deep end. I swam down and waved crazily at my friends in the port hole. Mr. Jones had a BIG dumb smile on his face and my friends looked mortified! I didn't know what their problem was...they kept waving frantically for me to go away! Then, in horror...I understood. My boobs (which are large and lovely) had sprung themselves free of my bathing suit!!! Yes, that's right...I flashed my grade 12 Phys Ed teacher. I wanted to die of embarrassment!I did get an A+ in that class though!

The next quarter of the class involved running. I was NEVER a running kind of gal. My gig was to run along at the back of the pack...take a short cut through the woods....sit and have a smoke until everyone ran by me...and then come in the back for a grand finale. Not bad...I managed a 15 minute mile with a smoke break in the middle....and most of the mile cut out of the distance. One day, Mr. Jones announced we were going to run an extra day that we were not supposed to. I told him I could not run as I needed an extra bra (for my large and lovely breasts). Back in those days there wasn't all those fancy bras for running. Mr. Jones quickly reminded me of my NO EXCUSE clause and he made me run. I ran...and ended up tearing my right tit. Yes, you read it right...I ripped my right tit. It was hanging WAY long like past my waste band and hurt like hell. I had to go to the ER and I ended up with a boob wrap and antibiotics for a week. My mother wrote an excuse for Mr.Jones as I was not allowed to run for 2 weeks. It read " Dear Mr. Jones, lease excuse Lynn from running for the next 2 weeks inclusively as yesterday she ripped her tit during the run". I wanted to die of embarrassment! With the same big dumb smile as the pool porthole fiasco...Mr. Jones told me at the 10 year reunion that he had that excuse framed and it was proudly displayed in his recreation room.

Then, we went downhill skiing as a class. I was one of only a few who did not drop acid. For those of you unfamiliar with the term...I did not take the LSD like others on the bus. The ones who took the acid did an amazing job at skiing. They went to the top, tucked and flew down the hill laughing all the way! I did not fare so well. I got the purple dot required to go on the big chair...but fell at the top...could not get up and ended up being taken down the hill by snow mobile...after it took 3 beefy men to pick me up! I was too weak. I cried all day in the lodge. I was so embarrassed. It was even more embarrassing that Paulo from the Philippines who had never touched or seen snow ever in his life skied just fine! I wanted to die of embarrassment!

So, years later when I was invited by a fellow nurse to go skiing...I have no idea what happened but I instantly said yes! I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I went...but her patient teaching methods and my performance made me fall in love with the sport. Skiing also turned out to be a great bonding time for new friends. When I first moved to my new town, I hooked on to a new group of friends to ski. I was NOT good at it for many years....in fact, I ususally was the entertainment in the group with my @#%$&'d ski methods. I have some pretty crazy moments and stories to tell about those days too! One of my favorite was going with group of health care professionals....taking on ski jump like I was a pro...which I was NOT...flying in the air really high...having a ridiculous look of shock on my face...landing with a very loud thump...having the wind knocked out of me...and none of the health care professionals asking if I was OK...because they were all laughing hysterically...totally out of control hysterical laughter. One Respiratory Therapist almost peed his pants...and still giggles every time he sees me 15 years later! To this day, anyone in the group will laugh out loud at the mention of my ski jumping talent (or lack thereof).

Now, fifteen Years later, I am skiing black diamond runs and I am still amazed to be doing it. I am still not great...I won;t be getting any medals anytime soon...but I LOVE it! My teeth hurt because I smile all the way down to the bottom. The scenery takes my breath away. Sometimes I giggle like a school girl....alot of times actually. I almost feel like I could reach out and touch a cloud or heaven when I am at the top of a mountain. It is always surreal to me...never boring or taken for granted. I wish for everyone a sport or hobby or something that gives them a heavenly feeling like this!

I finally realized, my task was not to figure out the one answer but to learn how to live...
—Marjorie Williams

Lynn
;)

With 'Alli's' Like This You Don't Need Enemas

During the bombardment of weight loss marketing campaigns,one particular product jumped out...alli™ . Alli™ weight loss system "works in your digestive system,
not in your heart or brain." I must admit the website is impressive...there is one on one dietitian consults, online forums,FAQ's, videos on how it works, and interactive online weight loss tools. To be able to buy this wonder drug over the counter is even more exciting! Right? This drug is so WRONG on many many levels!

alli™ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. This sounds pretty reasonable.....miraculous in fact! The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as "treatment effects". You may get:

gas with oily spotting
loose stools
more frequent stools that may be hard to control

You have to love the power of marketing...they use fancy language...making horrific drug side effects known as "treatment effects"...sound intriguing and alluring. Does shitting your pants without warning sound alluring? One of the main side effects of this drug is 'anal leakage'. Is any amount of weight loss worth losing all self respect and dignity because every time you blink you leave 'bacon strip smears' in your undies? A sneeze would prove deadly as projectile feces could splatter god knows where! Here are some of the suggestions to 'cope with the treatment effects'.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES??? MAKE YOU THINK TWICE BEFORE EATING FAT CONTENT AGAIN? I find this entire concept very degrading and disturbing. People who suffer from mild urinary incontinence suffer tremendously...always worried about wetting themselves in social situations or worrying about being away from a bathroom. Social events and physical activities are severely curtailed because of a little bladder leakage...can you imagine volunteering...actually paying for 'anal leakage' and 'explosive diarrhea' for choosing the wrong food or putting some butter on your muffin?


Hello people...this weight loss wonder drug is as old as the hills....it is otherwise known as the 'chocolate diet'...take some ex lax 'chocolate' squares regularly and you too can drop some unwanted pounds. BUT, you lose the weight because you are constantly shitting and you are not able to eat anything....not because of some magical ingredient. Even if alli™ has a secret special ingredient...the 'treatment effects' sounds pretty shitty to me!

"Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.”-African Proverb quotes

Lynn
;)

Life is a Journey...

There is a crazy dude in my spin class named Wayne. He is about 60 years old...and super duper physically fit. While most of us are sweating our eye balls out and struggling to keep those bike wheels turning...Wayne is flying along with ease at the highest possible tension setting on the bike.Basically Wayne is peddling the equivalent of biking straight up a 90 degree angled hill...easily without batting an eye...while the rest of us in the class struggle to survive and gasp for air! Wayne smiles the entire time that he exercises!!! Each week, Wayne gives the group a motivational story and/or a couple of inspirational quotes. This week his story was about Oprah...her personal trainer, Bob Greene, had been interviewed about Oprah's weight gain.

Bob Green told the reporter that the root of Oprah's weight gain problem was due to her lack of goal for a lifestyle change. Her original weight loss goal was a specific number on the scales and to run a marathon. She accomplished that goal within a year...and then she slowly started to gain the weight back. Oprah is human...something everybody seems to forget at times. I admit I am just as guilty as most...when Oprah lost the weight I said " well it's easy for her because she has a personal trainer all day... a personal chef all day...she's rich." I never once acknowledged that Oprah's personal trainer and/or chef...did not get up at 4am everyday...work out before work... put in a full 12 hour day...and exercise after work...they did not run the fat off her ass...she did it! Now, my heart aches for her. I had thought she was 'cured' of this fat fight...but you never are.

Wayne turns to me and says that "life is a journey...not a destination." My first reaction is to roll my eyes...like gag me...a gold standard quote. Life is a journey...not a destination. How many times have we heard this statement? How much money do you suppose Hallmark has made selling cards with this on it? I know I have heard it at least a million times...but I have never really 'absorbed' it. Wayne goes on to say "we are right here...right now...shouldn't be spinning for some number on the scales or day in the future that may never happen...it is right here, right now...fun group...great music...feel the burn...celebrate being alive...in the moment...right now." I thought about all of the years I have denied myself nice clothing, or dreaded trips, special events, even holidays in entirety because of my weight! How ridiculous is that? I still do it...I am getting better...but how tragic is that to deny yourself living because of a number on the scale?

Then, out of the blue...the actual intention of the quote "LIFE IS A JOURNEY...NOT A DESTINATION"...slaps me right across the face! I finally got it! I cannot waste one more day waiting for the day I weigh this...to do this, or to buy this or to enjoy a moment. In September I decided I was going to train for a mini triathlon. I am swimming, spinning, snowshoeing, downhill skiing, weight lifting, doing aerobics, on the treadmill, and rowing. I exercise almost everyday. I am now smoke free. I am focusing more on increasing my activity and experiences and less on a specific number. Life is not suddenly going to be perfect when the scales hit 199 pounds!

Wayne knocks me out of my reverie...my thighs are burning, my eye balls are sweating, I am struggling to keep those bike wheels turning... my ass is numb from that tiny tortuous bike seat...I am struggling to breathe...Wayne says "this is it Lynn...this is it right here, right now!" I feel the 'self inflicted' pain...I feel the fierce pride to be keeping up with the group...I feel alive again!

The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.
- John Maynard Keynes

Lynn
;)

The Best Resolution Is None At All

Some people get wired about Christmas, others Valentine's Day...but for me...New Years sends me right over the edge! New Years is the dreaded resolution time..."I promise to be a better person"..."be more organized"..."volunteer somewhere"..."make lemons out of lemonade"..."be kind to myself"...whatever. Every year, I discover myself just as fat...if not fatter...FATTER. I feel a tremendous disappointment in myself....a failure....a swelling of the waste line...tighter clothes...MISERY. I reflect back on the year before, the resolution I made…and my failure to lose weight….again! The most common New Years resolutions involve weight loss and/or fitness...and I have been making that resolution every year since Christ was a cowboy. The 60 billion dollar weight loss industry depends on that failure.

Then, to add insult to injury I am bombarded every New Years with TV and magazine ads and marketing blasts for weight loss pills, lotions, potions and creams, weight loss gizmos and contraptions that resemble torture devices from the dark ages, sweat machines, bum jiggles thingy, miracle balls, fat patches…you name it or dream of it and it does exist! I recently saw a product on TV that was a rip-off of the Bugs Bunny weight loss method. Remember Bugs in that big steam machine with just his head peeking out…then the steam and them shazam….Bugs Bunny was only teeny tiny! I can’t believe they sell these things! I cannot believe that people believe that a big fat hairy bearded woman becomes a slim and trim bikini clad beauty by taking some speed…oops diet pills. It is so obvious that the before picture is not the same as the after woman…but people are buying this crap…including me!

I am embarrassed to say that I have spent more than a small fortune in many of these products hoping and praying that this will be THE ONE. I have tried the typical Weight Watchers, and also took handfuls of pills. Let’s see there were the grapefruit pills, apple cider vinegar pills, fiber pills, dexatrim, xendarine, ephedrine, chromium pills, mega-multi vitamin pills, detoxification pills, thyroid boost pills…and many more. I also wore a fat patch…that was supposed to melt the fat right off….it didn’t. Then I tried Nutrisystem weekly weigh in and astronaut food. That one worked well because I did not have to prepare and it was just add water! I tried Simply for Life….that was a good diet… I did lose 50 pounds… but once I ran out of money I quickly gained it all back quickly. I do not place blame on any of the plans, pills or contraptions.


There is no secret potion or contraption. The secret to weight loss is eating less and moving more. That is it….it is no secret at all. This year I wanted a resolution of substance instead of my usual lose weight one. I’ve decided the best one by far is NO RESOLUTION. I am not setting myself up for a self-inflicted beating next year.

Lynn
;)