If Easy Bake Oven's Could Talk...

I LOVED my 'Easy Bake Oven'! My oven was the original green monster...with the burned chocolate cake mix and any hope of identifiable finger prints from my index finger...on the light bulb. If I had of known how cheap light bulbs actually were...I would have changed the bulb...but instead I baked a katrillion cakes with the baked on scent of melted skin and chocolate. Sadly, back then...when you baked all the mixes...the 'Easy Bake Oven' was done too!

Ten years ago, I don't know who was more excited when I gave my step daughter an 'Easy Bake Microwave' for Christmas. The only difference was a plastic pan (microwave safe...although it was still only a freaking light bulb!) instead of that super duper HOT metal excuse for a pan. The aesthetics were much improved...as were the utensils... the box...the mixes...a little plastic apron....oh damn it...there is a HUGE difference...who am I kidding? It's even a LOT more difficult to burn yourself. The other big difference....is the variety and availability of Easy Bake mixes...so you can create until you are blue in the face. You can make an Easy Bake triple mocha layer wedding cake now if you want! VERY DANGEROUS...to the perpetual dieter.

This morning the Weight Watchers leader was discussing fool-proofing your home and being prepared for cravings. As usual there are the 'dufai' (that's plural for dufus)who offer tips of veggie trays, and fruit trays...and how to make rice cakes orgasmic....yadda, yadda, yadda. If the 'dufai' actually followed their advice...they wouldn't be taking up two chairs at Weight Watchers now would they? Anyway, I told the leader fool-proofing was a good idea in theory...IF you don't have an 'Easy Bake Oven'. One night...during a losing battle with an out-of-control craving...I remembered my step daughter's 'Easy Bake Microwave' in the very bottom back of her closet. I also topped up her bake mixes a few months before for her birthday. Never mind that she was 17 and not using it anymore (just joking)...I never dreamed that those damned little packages...filled with God Knows WHAT...would taste so GOOD! Who knew one ounce of water could lead to an orgasmic tasty treat? The best part was mixing in just the right amount of water....and licking that goo off my fingers...while the white cake with the multi-colored sprinkles was baking....oh excuse me...'nuking-a-la light bulb'.

This was a deep dark secret that I had kept in the bottom-back-depths of my closet! Imagine my surprise when everyone not only laughed hysterically...they all poured out their crazy psycho secrets....half of them also admitted to similar secrets... ate their kid's Easter bunnies the night before and ran out to the dollar store for emergency replacement...Halloween candy (portion control for the kids of course)...'Easy-bake-play-dates'...where refusing the proceeds of love from your child in the shape of a rock-hard-burnt-chocolate cake (with finger prints burned on)is totally unacceptable! I was shocked at how therapeutic my confession was! I had carried around this guilt-shame-your-a-freak secret for 10 years...only to find out I am of the majority....we all had such a great release....surprisingly...the 'dufai' had a few special secrets too...and it didn't involve chewing on styrofoam-esque rice cakes!

Sadly, as we all grow older...there is never a warning that "this is the last time you are going to have fun with your Easy Bake Oven...the last time you will color as a kid...the last time you play 'Barbies' with your girlfriends. There is no warning that you are all of a sudden not a child anymore. It just happens. I am still traumatized by the day I saw my big green Easy Bake Oven sitting on it's side amongst the garbage at the end of the driveway. The wind was knocked out of me...my entire baking career flashed before my eyes...and the tears flowed freely...I went and said my good byes...coddled it like a pet that had just been hit by a car...on the side of the road. This was something that had to happen...a rite of passage that is unavoidable. BUT...I still FEEL like a kid....I still will jump in with a kid who wants me to skip or color...I will never tire of home-made macaroni cards...or Easy Bake Oven treats!

“There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.”-Deepak Chopra

Lynn
;)

Stop and Smell the Roses

I saw the signs...I opened up my eyes and saw the signs...

I don't know if anyone out there is superstitious or not...but I sure am. My entire childhood my mother would say that "company is coming" if she dropped the dish towel..and by Jesus they did! Then, if someone dropped a knife everyone chanted....knife to the floor...whore at the door...and next thing you knew my sister's crazy friend Chrissy would drop in (sorry Chrissy!)...another time a bird flew into our house...not the beak-bending 'into the house'....like the bird came through the door and flew about inside our house. My mother cowered in fear as this is a sure sign of an impending death...and sure enough...her Father died within 24 hours! Another nasty superstition is a hole in the bread represents a hole in the ground...you know...when you dive into a new loaf of bread and there is a hole in each piece of bread? I was certain I had killed my own Grandmother with that one...sure enough she died shortly afterward. I needed years of counseling to conquer that! I STILL hold my breath every time I dig into the middle of a new loaf of bread!

So, I find it ironic that I am someone who grew up to find meaning in all kinds of signs and coincidences...that I failed to see the blatant signs right in front of my eyes! First of all...a very dear friend of mine went in for a routine surgical procedure and almost died! I tormented myself for 6 weeks while she fought for her life in a coma...worried sick....running case scenarios in my head...praying...begging....and my best coping mechanism of all...DENYING. It really didn't set in until the day I grabbed a coffee and zipped off to go and see her in another town. In order to avoid taking anything away from her miraculous recovery...I was not about to babble on about what I went through. I went through sheer terror and hell...worried sick...begging God to have mercy and give her back to me. This made me feel selfish...but I didn't have the chance to tell her how much she meant to me. How much her funny and inspiring e mails lifted me up and put me on my feet...over and over again. I learned not to wait until tomorrow...don't take things for granted.

While I was going through this torment, another good friend told me she had breast cancer. Excuse me??? This is supposed to happen to other people...the ones in the TV commercials, movies....wherever...just not here and now with my friends or people I know. I stayed calm, cool and collected...as I should...as others expect from me because I am a ROCK! I listened....and silently worried myself SICK! I spent the night as this friend's personal nurse the night she had her lump removed. I felt honored to be the 'protector'...I kept post...ready and waiting for anything she needed. The whole breast cancer thing didn't seep in until another colleague who beat the shit out of breast cancer came in before discharge the next day and discussed good days...and bad days...and wigs...and chemotherapy...and fatigue..reality slapped me really hard...right across the face! I kept my game face on...then came home to worry myself sick! Our friendship has grown tremendously since then. I went to change her dressings everyday...but it was actually a fun time to gossip and giggle and have girlie time. Her breast cancer scare has turned out to be a wake up call for me too. I have learned to enjoy the moments.

Then, the beauty of these occurrences shone through... it is an awakening....maybe a rude awakening...but still an awakening of sorts. It SCREAMS..."PAY ATTENTION...life is too short". I realized worrying about weight and other mediocre things is an extreme waste of time...or 'burning daylight' as Dr. Phil would say. I have 2 speeds....super-low-speed-denial-maybe-tomorrow mode....or all-out-ridiculously-high-speed-expectations and pressures upon myself. I either plan to start dieting, quit smoking and start tomorrow...or I place crazy high unattainable goals upon myself....like I will be fluently bilingual and do a triathlon and lose 100 pounds in the next 3 months! I realized...waking up and running all over the roses....or wait and see if the roses are still there tomorrow is tearing me to pieces! This pressure on myself (worrying or sprinting) is sucking the energy and life right out of me. I am missing the point...and 'hoping' tomorrow brings a better day. I reflected and decided my behaviors of the past "just ain't working"...so I have to change what I am doing...or nothing will ever change. I took a load off. I am sad to report that I have put my triathlon training on hold...BUT with good reason. I was placing so much stress on myself...that something that is supposed to be exhilarating was becoming a strain. I was adding more and more pressure on myself. How can I take weight off...when I am taking on so much burden and more weight? I no longer wish to be a beast of burden! I have decided to spend more time doing what really matters...spend time with my friends and family...doing lunch, coffee, chatting, laughing....writing more...and literally just breathing deeply and smelling the roses.

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.-Virginia Satir

Lynn
;)

The Biggest Loser is WHO?

I cannot watch The Biggest Loser on a regular basis. For some yet undiscovered mental issue...I eat and eat and eat like a maniac...uncontrollable actually. I don't know why...I can probably list off 1 million psychological reasons why...but which is applicable to me...who knows? I did tune in last night...quite by accident...just channel surfing...and felt compelled to stop. Last night's episode was the last weigh in before the finale next week. I was shocked to see Ron still there...the 54 year old father from the father and son brown team. Ron started at 430 pounds,with high blood pressure, arthritic knees, and a multitude of other health issues related to obesity. I selected him to be the first one booted off...and one of the trainer's Jill confirmed she did too. He has lost a total of 151 pounds since the show started.

No matter how many problems (perceived or real) I have with weight loss....this man's battle was magnified 10 fold to lose each and every ounce and pound. Every move he makes is very difficult...painful...and his body reacts negatively...almost as if angry that he dare to try to change now...but he keeps going. Last night, all 4 contestants participated in a full marathon. If they finished the marathon...each received a $10,000 check to donate to the charity of their choice. The TV audience was made privy to their private thoughts and struggles to continue on in the race...and despite that horrible negative voice in all of our heads...they kept going. As each contestant crossed the finish line...they showed a video of each of them before they started the show...at their highest weight...giving themselves advice on how far they have come...how much they have accomplished and to NEVER give up or go back. It was extremely inspiring!

Then, along comes Ron. By the 5th mile of the marathon (26 miles) his knee was throbbing in pain and he was limping. BY the 9th mile he had to sit down at the water break and they discovered that his blood pressure was dangerously high (202/102)! The EMT's were called in and the Dr. was dispatched to the location. I was certain he was going to be pulled from the event...and I literally LOST IT! Despite tremendous pain...insane trembling...and a horrific headache and dizziness and psychotically high blood pressure...Ron never once even suggested that he was not going to continue. After eating a snack...and consulting with the Dr...Ron got back up on his feet and continued!!! I was heaving from my tears...I went into an uncontrollable crying fit! At mile 17 the group of past Biggest Loser Winners met up with Ron to walk with him to the finish line. During the last mile...his other son who remains extremely obese...joined his father for the last mile...his other son Mike...who is one of the finalists...waited at the finish line....when Ron finally crossed...I LOST IT!!! I must have bawled for an hour or more! I was totally mental!They cried in a group hug...by this time...I could barely breathe...I was hysterical!

I use this blog to share my weight loss pain and struggles...and VERY embarrassing moments (Spinning on the Full Moon for one)...and I sat here stunned...what the hell is wrong with me? I have nothing to complain about. I have 2 feet and a heart beat. I have 2 gym memberships, I walk, I bike...I love exercise. I just get easily frustrated...if I gain a pound or don't lose a pound after sincere 150% effort...I fall of the wagon and it takes me weeks to get back on. I am not consistent with my efforts...but in some bizarre screwed up mind game...I convince myself that I work out "all the time" and cannot lose weight....this is not true. I go regularly for weeks and then with one fell swoop...or rogue pound...it's toast for a month...I sit glued to the couch...let the pity party begin...again and again. I also convince myself that I follow a healthy diet religiously...but blank out the McDonald's moments...or pasta for 6 dinners...or Dairy Queen Fudge Brownie Bowl! After the show...my husband threw a fitness challenge at me... a minimum of 30 minutes everyday of exercise...religiously...walking, biking, gym...whatever...he is in it with me for the next 30 days. I do not have high blood pressure, or arthritic knees... or hellish pain with every step...I do not have a single excuse! I am not placing a ridiculous expectation on myself...no specific number on a scale ...no specific size to reach...just stop whining...and wishing...and start moving...moving in the right direction! If I ever feel sorry for myself...or fall off the wagon again for a ridiculous pity party... I am going to imagine Ron trembling and limping...and continuing... and get off my ass and move!

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”-Bob Moawad

Lynn
;)

Girls STILL Just Wanna Have Fun!

Get a gang of girls together and you can expect wild parties, uncensored mischief, and loads of fun. Girls know how to have fun with their "buddies." Boys may go watch a football match or drool over a swanky new car, but girls have a rocking time just chatting. My step daughter has recently been hanging around our house on Thursday and Friday nights to go partying. She lives in the country, and we live handy to the hottest club in town. Over the last couple of week ends, she brings along a friend or two (or three or four) and they spend hours preparing for the night...sipping on their fruity drinks...asking my opinion on what to wear, hair styles (up or down, bangs or not),jewelry... boy strategy...you name it. I love it! I would KILL to go out with them...but not as a 41 year old...I want to go out as that wild and crazy 20 year old again.

I have been reflecting on my clubbing days in the 1980's and I discovered I am a wild and crazy 20-year-old '80's' girl...trapped in 41 year old body! Oh how I wish I could go back one day to spend hours teasing my hair to reach death defying heights, spraying on a healthy coat of 'ice mist' to ensure a hurricane couldn't move a single strand of hair, painting the face in bright technicolor neon purples, donning funky too-tight 80's garb...and belting out 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' while we sucked back as much liquor as possible and laughed our guts out along the way. Dressed to the nines and drunk as hell, we would make our way to 'The Lighthouse' and then always end up at the '1880's' club. One of my favorite nights was ladies night...75 cents a drink...no men allowed upstairs until we were all hammered enough to find them attractive (just joking).

You cannot deny that 80's fashion was by far the funnest and coolest in it's day. One of my favorite outfits involved skin tight purple jeans that were 3 sizes too small...with my open shouldered hot pink sweatshirt (Flashdance style)and double round the hips pink belt. One night, the zipper finally got fed up with me and gave way. This was NOT going to spoil my night....I managed to safety pin the zipper back in...and looked fabulous...despite an overflowing bladder and some very painful jabs and stabs from rogue safety pins throughout the night in my 'hoo hoo'! Another night, I was wearing my smokin' hot red dress with a big ass wide black belt and super high black heels. I was approached by some dude who said 'my brother and I have been watching you all night'. I was not surprised...I was one HOT chick...then he ruined it by saying ' He thinks that you're chunky...but I'd do you anyway'. This ignoramus didn't phase me at all...I just threw my 75 cent drink in his face...and continued on my extremely confident prowl...best 75 cents I ever wasted! I was 100 pounds lighter and I looked and felt amazing. Drunk or not, I walked around that club like I owned it. I always felt like a million bucks!

The sisterhood of the traveling pants is actually based on the true phenomenon of girls recycling outfits (my theory). My step daughter carefully selects outfits that she does not want anyone else to look good in...and hides them in my room. Then,when the posse of girls arrive...chaos ensues! Just before going out there is a humongous pile of clothes on the floor and each girl has tried on no less than a dozen different outfits! Back in our day...we had a sassy black dress with deep cleavage and rouging all up the center of the dress that clung to each of our curves 'just right'. I still have no idea how we all managed to squeeze into this magical dress...all shapes and sizes of us...big and small. I still believe it had magical qualities. Girls with no boobs had kick ass cleavage....girls with booty had perky booty... anyone in that dress was the SEX BOMB!WHO HAS THIS DRESS? I want it back! On my 19th birthday, I slid down the banister of the infamous stairway of the 1880's in this traveling dress....not too lady like as the dress rode up and above my hips on the way down...but it got a good laugh of hysteria from my crew...just before I got booted out...again! Every week, the bouncer would say 'Lynn you'd better behave yourself!'. I would swear to a well behaved night...well...you know the rest.

Back in the day, everyone got ready at my house. Every week end I am reminded of what my parents had to go through with us gals. But, I don't mind it at all. I feel young again...and I smile inside recalling all the fun times I had with my crew. My step daughter and her friends love to hear my stories...or at least they are polite enough to sit through them!! My mother would pour our drinks for us...2 fingers high...vertical, not horizontal! For those of you with no connection to girls of clubbing age...they are still wearing painful high heels and too-tight clothes for the sake of fashion...big hair and psychotically HUGE earrings (which I would have KILLED for in the 80's), no coats in freezing cold weather (many nights we stumbled hammered through blizzards with no coats and high heels)....and they still giggle and squeal (and stumble and fall)like fools on their way to the cab. Way too early the next morning, Mom and Dad would blare country music throughout the house,and wake us up...and offer my girlfriend (the PUKER of the group) some nice fresh runny eggs....you know the next part. Despite knowing what we were in for...or better yet...knowing what we were in for...we would wake up severely hung over...and do it all over again! I am itching for another crazy night with my gal pals...of course our hair will be flatter...and shorter...outfits a little more sociably acceptable (probably still tighter than I would like)...but there is still PLENTY left in me...to chat and giggle like a fool. Oh the good ole days...Girls STILL Just Wanna Have Fun!!! Maybe we could have an 80's theme party!!!

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."
Maya Angelou

Lynn
;)

Cocoon to Social Butterfly

When I was a young nurse, I was’ bright eyed and bushy tailed’, ready to take the world by storm. I quickly voiced my opinions and rallied for change. I believed in action, not reaction. I could not understand the resistance that I had met along the way. All I ever wanted was to make our profession better. Unfortunately, I became a scape goat for negativity. I was confused and disappointed. How could I have been perceived as exactly what I have learned to hate? Much to my demise, my passion for change turned into rage and years of frustration.

A couple of years ago, I broke 4 teeth from grinding in them in my sleep. I was not sleeping well and I would cry at the drop of a hat. I reached ‘the point of no return’ and I didn’t have the energy to turn around. I found getting out of bed to go to work challenging. I noticed that I would become anxious days before my shifts. I knew that I was ‘burnt out’. I tried to ignore it. But my body would not allow me too. This burn out spilled over into my personal life. I am normally an outgoing and sociable person, but I began to withdraw and avoid social situations. I knew that I needed to do something. In the past, I would apply for another job and move on. However, I discovered that this ‘band aid’ only lasted for a short time. What on earth was I going to do?

Suddenly, a once in a lifetime opportunity came up to start my business, an online education company for the professional development of nurses(MedSenses.com). I very happily walked out of the hospital doors with no intention of ever looking back. I cut myself off from the world and I submerged myself in getting my business going. I was on the laptop for 16 hour days...sometimes more in a flurry to write courses and edits and networking and so on. Three years later,a wake up call happened in the form of an e mail from the hospital telling me that my leave for entrepreneurship was over and I had to resign or come back. Three isolated years had passed me by. I wasn't answering the phone, I refused coffee invites, I didn't speak to anyone. I realized I was profoundly lonely. The social butterfly shut herself down into a cocoon. My hubby said " I want my wife back". So, with that...back to the hospital I went.

Well....smooth move ex lax! Last night at work I felt like Mick Jagger at the Dollarama! Everywhere I went I was enthusiastically hugged and welcomed back. There was the buzz of activity as everyone was excited to see me again...and vice versa. How on earth could I have forgotten all about them. How on earth did I walk out and totally forget about all of them? How could I forget how alive these people made me feel? They were the best audience I have ever had for my 'stand up' routines and crazy stories. Yeah sure, there were pscyh patients going wild, code troubles, code browns (stool incontinence), people ragging...but that's where stories are made! Hey Mick...kiss my ass!


“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

Lynn
;)

Girlfriends are Like a Bouquet of Flowers

When I got married I gave a speech explaining how my life is like my bouquet of flowers. I said " Forrest Gump once said that life is like a box of chocolates. I would like to compare my life to my beautiful bouquet of flowers. Each friend that has come into my life represents a flower in my bouquet. Each friend adds their unique personality and color which blends together to form this beautiful bouquet I call my life."

When I left the hospital to pursue my dream of becoming a business woman I was thrilled to walk out and never look back. Over the next 3 years my physical and emotional health deteriorated as I worked day in and day out on the laptop writing courses and building the business. In 3 short years, I gained 60 pounds, my complexion rotted and turned gray, and I basically lived life at a dizzying pace....I also lost my focus and purpose...ignored and back benched the people who gave me a purpose in life.

Working at home sounds amazing....but it isn't. I was too busy to notice life going by. It was as if 3 years simply disappeared and one day I woke up feeling profoundly lonely. When I walked out of the hospital...I left my community...I walked away from friends who I shared my last 15 years of life with...I walked out on the audience who listened to my crazy stories and adventures....people who inspired me and supported me when times were tough. Despite walking out on them...with no intention of ever looking back...there they were...waiting with open arms for my return...again we just fell into place as if we never lost a day.

Every time the phone would ring I felt it was a nuisance and an intrusion on my life. I was angry that people wouldn't leave me alone when I had so much to get done. Slowly, over time...I realized that I was never going to be done. There will always be deadlines to meet and stuff to be done. Thankfully, my friends never gave up on me.

I have a life long friend visiting with me this week. Despite living far away, it is like we are never apart. It is so fabulous to be able to simply sit around and be comfortable...no uncomfortable pauses...no rush to be somewhere or pressure to be anyone else but me. It doesn't matter how many months have passed or what is going on in our lives....when we get together it is like 2 puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. We are automatically in sync... we start out with a big hug and then flop into the couch and share, sit, eat, whatever...just a blissful glow of energy as life goes on around us...like there hasn't been a geographical interruption.

This can also be said of friends gone by who have wandered back into my life by chance. I have a girlfriend where 2 years can go by...where we do not see each other, and we simply fall into place...in sync...like 2 puzzle pieces that belong together. We always have lots of fun! One night, she invited an old friend from high school over for an exquisite meal,evening of drinks and laughter on her deck. It was so cool because I had been thinking about this gal all day...and kaboom....there she was....invited by my friend...out of the blue....meant to be...miles apart but on the exact same wave length. On this night, we shared our goals and ideas, and subsequently inspired each other to follow our dreams. As cheesy as it sounds it truly was an amazing night under the stars. It was on this night...my blog was born!

Another consequential friend worked with me at the hospital for 15 years. We were simply acquaintances....said hello politely and enjoyed some simple chat. A year after she moved away, we connected online. We started writing to each other on a regular basis...sharing our dreams and disappointments in life....again...a judgment free forum to write our hearts out....and just be. In a short time, she has become such an important part of my life.

I am so blessed! I have other friends that come and go....move away but never leave me. My running buddy...someone I met at the back of the pack attempting to run... dared to move away on me (her husband was transferred). I have told her many times this should have been run by me first...because it turned my life upside down!I recently had lunch with her in her new town...again....time has passed...but we instantly connect like puzzle pieces and lapse back in time as if we saw each other yesterday. I miss her...but we always fall perfectly into that puzzle... as if there hasn't been a break at all.

You NEED girlfriends to survive... and thrive....to breathe...to be. A person is only complete when she has a true friend to understand her, to share all her passions and sorrows with, and to stand by her throughout her life. As I go through my life... these gorgeous, bright and inspirational flowers fall into this amazing bouquet of flowers I call my life. Friends add the color to your world!


"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."- Anais Nin

Lynn
;)

Follow Your Dream!

A month ago I was in a very deep and dark place. I was at my wit's end with weight gain and I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. My phone rang and the woman on the other end told me she was with the South Shore Women in Business Group and they were looking for a key note speaker for their conference, Spring to Success. I was stunned. I didn't have a topic, or price in mind or anything. I didn't even think to ask her where or how she found out about me. I agreed to it for a nominal fee as they were a non profit group and I am looking to break into the business. As usual, as soon as I hung up the phone I freaked out and asked myself what the hell I was thinking! Self doubt flooded my mind for the next month...right up until I delivered the speech actually.

I have always wanted to be a professional speaker. I wished and wished that I could do it 'someday' but I always had the hospital and work as an excuse (a crutch)...combined with a little wee voice assuring me I could never actually do it. One day, my girlfriend Trisha (and now business partner) told me that she had booked a professional speaker for her nursing students. She went on to explain that it was a physical assessment seminar with a motivational component. Of course my immediate reaction was extreme jealousy.....oh I wished I could do that. I asked her if I could go and she quickly replied...."Absolutely!" I asked her who she had booked to deliver the presentation and she said "You....this Friday at 8am...you better start writing!" I instantly had a mouthful of excuses....but she wouldn't tolerate it. She simply reinforced that the room was booked and the students were excited to meet me...get moving! My nerves were shattered!

The presentation went on without a hitch. In fact, you just can't beat a group of eager and young students as an audience. My parents taught me never let them see you sweat...so despite feeling like vomiting in the waste can...I went at it. I was elated and high as a kite. The students jaws dropped...oohs and ahhs like a fireworks show....tears and giggles and applause. Wow what a feeling! I was hooked. That damned self doubt voice was still fist fighting to beat the hell out of me...but the testimonials of the students were overwhelming proof that speaking is my forte.

From that, I ended up expanding the assessment seminar into an 8 hour day and I put it on for colleagues at the hospital for free. I was devastated when only 3 people showed up. I wanted feedback and it turned out to be a fabulous group of three for that....but my heart was broken. Of course I took this as a sign that I should abandon such a ridiculous venture. However, the feedback was amazing...and one of my colleagues insisted that I develop a motivational component only... and I did. I went on from there to speak for an EMS (paramedic) conference, and another nursing group conference. From there I was called to speak at the Atlantic Lotto Corporation as a key note for their IT conference, then as the closer for the Extreme Entrepreneur Conference in 2007. A string of gigs came in after that...and I was shocked as all of the bookings were for businesses, not nursing. So, now I have a motivational presentation for nurses and another for women in business.

This past week end was amazing! I decided to go to Halifax a day early to meet with some business colleagues and had lunch with one of my girlfriends whom I dearly missed. When I arrived in Bridgewater, the planning committee director greeted me and took me to supper. It was no ordinary supper either! I had a lobster supper at a world renowned lab consultant's house who travels all over the world. The house was right on the ocean edge...custom built...no curtains necessary. The view was breath taking...even from the can! The supper was amazing- lobster, spinach salad with brie cheese and walnuts and poppy seed dressing, basil vinaigrette potato salad, fresh bread…mmmmmm…and good wine! I was treated like a queen. They were amazing hosts!

My presentation was extremely successful... (despite feeling like vomiting in the waste can again!) well beyond my expectations. It is so funny that I LOVE to speak to groups...but I do have incredible stage fright at first. I am fine after I get talking....but up to the event...I could projectile vomit form my nerves. Trisha wants to strangle me as every presentation goes off without a hitch and the audience responds beautifully. BUT, I just can't help it....maybe I need that extra rush of adrenaline to make it happen. I told the story about me and Trisha's trials and tribulations of becoming female entrepreneurs. Some stories were funny, others were sad. The crowd went wild. The entire speech was like a roller coaster ride...lots of oohs and ahh's and laughter and tears. What a rush! I got two standing ovations and I was swarmed by crying women!!!! One of the hotel workers said “I have attended hundreds of speeches over my last 8 years here and you come out….WAY ON TOP! If you aren’t doing it for a living…you should be!” I was beside myself! The best part of it all... was being approached by the business women after the presentation who shared that they felt connected to me....they too felt fear, stress, rejection, and kept right on going. I was barraged by women who wanted to talk to me...to hear whatever I had to say. I was shocked and thrilled at the same time!

At the end of the day, I decided to spend an extra night in Bridgewater just to relax. That night I felt a new 'fullness' in my soul. I finally felt 'full' for the first time in many years...and I didn't even eat! I cannot eat before I speak. I guess that further proves the point that emotional eating is real! That hunger inside of me is not actually for a piece of cheese...it is to follow my dreams and just do it...that works for Nike...why not me? LOL! I realized that I am now writing...and I love it. I write this blog, I write presentations and speak on a professional basis. I am going to write my book. Writing is where it's at for me...so to speak.

In the morning when I went to check out, the motel clerk said "your money is no good here". I said "what?" As it turns out the manager of the motel had attended my presentation and she insisted that my stay be complimentary! Isn't that amazing? If you follow your dream you get free motel rooms!

It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
- Elinor Smith

Lynn
;)