Kick my ass!

Alice came to the fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I apologize for my absence on the blog for the last couple of weeks. I have come to a fork in the road. I have no idea where I am going....or why I am trying to get there....or why I am so resistant to getting there. I have lost my way. I am so frustrated with all of my efforts and exercise....and getting fatter and fatter and fatter! UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! I like to use this blog to inspire others and to motivate you all to try something new...not give up. But, over the last three weeks I had given up on myself! I am totally out of control and I am not moving AT ALL!

In fact, I have actually discovered what the bottom of the barrel tastes like.In my case, the bottom of the barrel tastes like 2 pieces of birthday cake and half of a home made butterscotch pie. I just got back from a visit home and I made a total pig of myself! I was shoving treats down into a big bottomless barrel....AND I licked the bottom. I don't even like store bought vanilla cakes and the 4" thick icing....but I ate 2 big ass slices icing and all. I felt sick as hell after I ate it...but moved on to that incredibly ridiculous delicious butterscotch pie. Sadly, I think I could have ate 2 of them by myself. I am out of control...totally. I have not exercised or followed any kind of diet or healthy eating since I returned from my ski trip. I cannot tell you why...I do not have an excuse. I have even gone so far as to drive to the gym and drive right back home without going into the gym at all. I simply did not want to go.I didn't have the will to get out of the car.

I am quite frustrated because I cannot even fake an excuse. I have a great life. No major crisis going on. The best excuse I can come up with is a nasty case of the winter blues...SAD...seasonal affective disorder. I have not been officially diagnosed but I swear it has been a chore to get out of bed and dressed over the past couple of weeks. Thankfully I have a friend who does not take "no" for an answer. She asked me to go night skiing last week...I hummed and hawed....and she said "I will pick you up in a half hour be ready!" I had a great time and got outside to exercise...and topped the night off with some great laughs, deep fried onion petals and ice cold beer! MMMMMMMM! This is the same gal pal who owns my step dogs...she lets me pretend that I am a step parent when we walk them! She does not take no for an answer on dog walking days either! Thank goodness I have an asskicker! Thank you thank you thank you!

After my big pig out this week end....or any thought of a pig out in the future...I should call upon my ass kicker. I need a direction, I need a plan, I need a schedule. I must get my butt in gear and get out there and have some of those crazy experiences that you all love to read! I have a mini triathalon to get ready for! I am not backing out of that goal...my asskicker wouldn't allow it anyway...in fact she would KILL me at the mention of such foolishness! I am going to get rocking...back on track ...no ifs ands or (kicked) butts!


Lynn
;)

Chairway to Heaven

I am shocked that I not only can ski...but that I really LOVE to ski. I didn't start off too good. The first time I ever went skiing, was with my grade 12 advanced Phys ED class. Now, those who know me are giggling because I am not your typical advanced Phys Ed class kind of gal. In fact, I had to beg the teacher Mr. Jones to let me in the class. I convinced him that he would be responsible for my outlook on physical fitness for the rest of my life...he bought it hook, line and sinker. The real reason I wanted in the class was because it was a fun bird course, got me out of a hellish advanced biology course...and the class was full of HOT GUYS! Mr. Jones made me swear NO EXCUSES would be tolerated from me. I was all in or out! So, in I was!

The first quarter of the class involved swimming. That was a breeze for me because I have been swimming since I was 3 years old. One day, Mr. Jones took some of my class mates beneath the pool to look through the port holes in the deep end. I swam down and waved crazily at my friends in the port hole. Mr. Jones had a BIG dumb smile on his face and my friends looked mortified! I didn't know what their problem was...they kept waving frantically for me to go away! Then, in horror...I understood. My boobs (which are large and lovely) had sprung themselves free of my bathing suit!!! Yes, that's right...I flashed my grade 12 Phys Ed teacher. I wanted to die of embarrassment!I did get an A+ in that class though!

The next quarter of the class involved running. I was NEVER a running kind of gal. My gig was to run along at the back of the pack...take a short cut through the woods....sit and have a smoke until everyone ran by me...and then come in the back for a grand finale. Not bad...I managed a 15 minute mile with a smoke break in the middle....and most of the mile cut out of the distance. One day, Mr. Jones announced we were going to run an extra day that we were not supposed to. I told him I could not run as I needed an extra bra (for my large and lovely breasts). Back in those days there wasn't all those fancy bras for running. Mr. Jones quickly reminded me of my NO EXCUSE clause and he made me run. I ran...and ended up tearing my right tit. Yes, you read it right...I ripped my right tit. It was hanging WAY long like past my waste band and hurt like hell. I had to go to the ER and I ended up with a boob wrap and antibiotics for a week. My mother wrote an excuse for Mr.Jones as I was not allowed to run for 2 weeks. It read " Dear Mr. Jones, lease excuse Lynn from running for the next 2 weeks inclusively as yesterday she ripped her tit during the run". I wanted to die of embarrassment! With the same big dumb smile as the pool porthole fiasco...Mr. Jones told me at the 10 year reunion that he had that excuse framed and it was proudly displayed in his recreation room.

Then, we went downhill skiing as a class. I was one of only a few who did not drop acid. For those of you unfamiliar with the term...I did not take the LSD like others on the bus. The ones who took the acid did an amazing job at skiing. They went to the top, tucked and flew down the hill laughing all the way! I did not fare so well. I got the purple dot required to go on the big chair...but fell at the top...could not get up and ended up being taken down the hill by snow mobile...after it took 3 beefy men to pick me up! I was too weak. I cried all day in the lodge. I was so embarrassed. It was even more embarrassing that Paulo from the Philippines who had never touched or seen snow ever in his life skied just fine! I wanted to die of embarrassment!

So, years later when I was invited by a fellow nurse to go skiing...I have no idea what happened but I instantly said yes! I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I went...but her patient teaching methods and my performance made me fall in love with the sport. Skiing also turned out to be a great bonding time for new friends. When I first moved to my new town, I hooked on to a new group of friends to ski. I was NOT good at it for many years....in fact, I ususally was the entertainment in the group with my @#%$&'d ski methods. I have some pretty crazy moments and stories to tell about those days too! One of my favorite was going with group of health care professionals....taking on ski jump like I was a pro...which I was NOT...flying in the air really high...having a ridiculous look of shock on my face...landing with a very loud thump...having the wind knocked out of me...and none of the health care professionals asking if I was OK...because they were all laughing hysterically...totally out of control hysterical laughter. One Respiratory Therapist almost peed his pants...and still giggles every time he sees me 15 years later! To this day, anyone in the group will laugh out loud at the mention of my ski jumping talent (or lack thereof).

Now, fifteen Years later, I am skiing black diamond runs and I am still amazed to be doing it. I am still not great...I won;t be getting any medals anytime soon...but I LOVE it! My teeth hurt because I smile all the way down to the bottom. The scenery takes my breath away. Sometimes I giggle like a school girl....alot of times actually. I almost feel like I could reach out and touch a cloud or heaven when I am at the top of a mountain. It is always surreal to me...never boring or taken for granted. I wish for everyone a sport or hobby or something that gives them a heavenly feeling like this!

I finally realized, my task was not to figure out the one answer but to learn how to live...
—Marjorie Williams

Lynn
;)

With 'Alli's' Like This You Don't Need Enemas

During the bombardment of weight loss marketing campaigns,one particular product jumped out...alli™ . Alli™ weight loss system "works in your digestive system,
not in your heart or brain." I must admit the website is impressive...there is one on one dietitian consults, online forums,FAQ's, videos on how it works, and interactive online weight loss tools. To be able to buy this wonder drug over the counter is even more exciting! Right? This drug is so WRONG on many many levels!

alli™ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. This sounds pretty reasonable.....miraculous in fact! The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as "treatment effects". You may get:

gas with oily spotting
loose stools
more frequent stools that may be hard to control

You have to love the power of marketing...they use fancy language...making horrific drug side effects known as "treatment effects"...sound intriguing and alluring. Does shitting your pants without warning sound alluring? One of the main side effects of this drug is 'anal leakage'. Is any amount of weight loss worth losing all self respect and dignity because every time you blink you leave 'bacon strip smears' in your undies? A sneeze would prove deadly as projectile feces could splatter god knows where! Here are some of the suggestions to 'cope with the treatment effects'.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES??? MAKE YOU THINK TWICE BEFORE EATING FAT CONTENT AGAIN? I find this entire concept very degrading and disturbing. People who suffer from mild urinary incontinence suffer tremendously...always worried about wetting themselves in social situations or worrying about being away from a bathroom. Social events and physical activities are severely curtailed because of a little bladder leakage...can you imagine volunteering...actually paying for 'anal leakage' and 'explosive diarrhea' for choosing the wrong food or putting some butter on your muffin?


Hello people...this weight loss wonder drug is as old as the hills....it is otherwise known as the 'chocolate diet'...take some ex lax 'chocolate' squares regularly and you too can drop some unwanted pounds. BUT, you lose the weight because you are constantly shitting and you are not able to eat anything....not because of some magical ingredient. Even if alli™ has a secret special ingredient...the 'treatment effects' sounds pretty shitty to me!

"Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.”-African Proverb quotes

Lynn
;)

Life is a Journey...

There is a crazy dude in my spin class named Wayne. He is about 60 years old...and super duper physically fit. While most of us are sweating our eye balls out and struggling to keep those bike wheels turning...Wayne is flying along with ease at the highest possible tension setting on the bike.Basically Wayne is peddling the equivalent of biking straight up a 90 degree angled hill...easily without batting an eye...while the rest of us in the class struggle to survive and gasp for air! Wayne smiles the entire time that he exercises!!! Each week, Wayne gives the group a motivational story and/or a couple of inspirational quotes. This week his story was about Oprah...her personal trainer, Bob Greene, had been interviewed about Oprah's weight gain.

Bob Green told the reporter that the root of Oprah's weight gain problem was due to her lack of goal for a lifestyle change. Her original weight loss goal was a specific number on the scales and to run a marathon. She accomplished that goal within a year...and then she slowly started to gain the weight back. Oprah is human...something everybody seems to forget at times. I admit I am just as guilty as most...when Oprah lost the weight I said " well it's easy for her because she has a personal trainer all day... a personal chef all day...she's rich." I never once acknowledged that Oprah's personal trainer and/or chef...did not get up at 4am everyday...work out before work... put in a full 12 hour day...and exercise after work...they did not run the fat off her ass...she did it! Now, my heart aches for her. I had thought she was 'cured' of this fat fight...but you never are.

Wayne turns to me and says that "life is a journey...not a destination." My first reaction is to roll my eyes...like gag me...a gold standard quote. Life is a journey...not a destination. How many times have we heard this statement? How much money do you suppose Hallmark has made selling cards with this on it? I know I have heard it at least a million times...but I have never really 'absorbed' it. Wayne goes on to say "we are right here...right now...shouldn't be spinning for some number on the scales or day in the future that may never happen...it is right here, right now...fun group...great music...feel the burn...celebrate being alive...in the moment...right now." I thought about all of the years I have denied myself nice clothing, or dreaded trips, special events, even holidays in entirety because of my weight! How ridiculous is that? I still do it...I am getting better...but how tragic is that to deny yourself living because of a number on the scale?

Then, out of the blue...the actual intention of the quote "LIFE IS A JOURNEY...NOT A DESTINATION"...slaps me right across the face! I finally got it! I cannot waste one more day waiting for the day I weigh this...to do this, or to buy this or to enjoy a moment. In September I decided I was going to train for a mini triathlon. I am swimming, spinning, snowshoeing, downhill skiing, weight lifting, doing aerobics, on the treadmill, and rowing. I exercise almost everyday. I am now smoke free. I am focusing more on increasing my activity and experiences and less on a specific number. Life is not suddenly going to be perfect when the scales hit 199 pounds!

Wayne knocks me out of my reverie...my thighs are burning, my eye balls are sweating, I am struggling to keep those bike wheels turning... my ass is numb from that tiny tortuous bike seat...I am struggling to breathe...Wayne says "this is it Lynn...this is it right here, right now!" I feel the 'self inflicted' pain...I feel the fierce pride to be keeping up with the group...I feel alive again!

The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.
- John Maynard Keynes

Lynn
;)

The Best Resolution Is None At All

Some people get wired about Christmas, others Valentine's Day...but for me...New Years sends me right over the edge! New Years is the dreaded resolution time..."I promise to be a better person"..."be more organized"..."volunteer somewhere"..."make lemons out of lemonade"..."be kind to myself"...whatever. Every year, I discover myself just as fat...if not fatter...FATTER. I feel a tremendous disappointment in myself....a failure....a swelling of the waste line...tighter clothes...MISERY. I reflect back on the year before, the resolution I made…and my failure to lose weight….again! The most common New Years resolutions involve weight loss and/or fitness...and I have been making that resolution every year since Christ was a cowboy. The 60 billion dollar weight loss industry depends on that failure.

Then, to add insult to injury I am bombarded every New Years with TV and magazine ads and marketing blasts for weight loss pills, lotions, potions and creams, weight loss gizmos and contraptions that resemble torture devices from the dark ages, sweat machines, bum jiggles thingy, miracle balls, fat patches…you name it or dream of it and it does exist! I recently saw a product on TV that was a rip-off of the Bugs Bunny weight loss method. Remember Bugs in that big steam machine with just his head peeking out…then the steam and them shazam….Bugs Bunny was only teeny tiny! I can’t believe they sell these things! I cannot believe that people believe that a big fat hairy bearded woman becomes a slim and trim bikini clad beauty by taking some speed…oops diet pills. It is so obvious that the before picture is not the same as the after woman…but people are buying this crap…including me!

I am embarrassed to say that I have spent more than a small fortune in many of these products hoping and praying that this will be THE ONE. I have tried the typical Weight Watchers, and also took handfuls of pills. Let’s see there were the grapefruit pills, apple cider vinegar pills, fiber pills, dexatrim, xendarine, ephedrine, chromium pills, mega-multi vitamin pills, detoxification pills, thyroid boost pills…and many more. I also wore a fat patch…that was supposed to melt the fat right off….it didn’t. Then I tried Nutrisystem weekly weigh in and astronaut food. That one worked well because I did not have to prepare and it was just add water! I tried Simply for Life….that was a good diet… I did lose 50 pounds… but once I ran out of money I quickly gained it all back quickly. I do not place blame on any of the plans, pills or contraptions.


There is no secret potion or contraption. The secret to weight loss is eating less and moving more. That is it….it is no secret at all. This year I wanted a resolution of substance instead of my usual lose weight one. I’ve decided the best one by far is NO RESOLUTION. I am not setting myself up for a self-inflicted beating next year.

Lynn
;)

Count Your Blessings

Every year, Christmas provides us with a spiritual reality check. You cannot help but to be reminded of how fortunate you are to have a roof over your head, family, friends, and health. Television adds to that ‘fuzzy’ feeling by featuring surreal stories of tragedies followed by remarkable acts of heroism and giving… children who think of and act on worldly ideas… and miraculous events. As the rituals and festivities come to a close…you cannot help but to reflect on the past and count your blessings.

Twelve years ago, I was in a car accident that screwed up my back. I ended up being put off of work for two years and chewing pain pills like crazy. I would easily go through 100 Tylenol #3’s and tons of muscle relaxants every month. I was off of work for almost 2 years…but I was super busy during that time going to Dr. appointments, physiotherapy, kinesiology, acupuncture, massage, and the gym. In between appointments I parked myself on the couch and felt extremely sorry for myself. How dare the world continue turning while I was in tremendous pain? Nursing was my life, and all of a sudden it was ripped out from under me. I also was forced to realize that nursing was my life…and nothing else.

One Christmas I went home (90 miles away) and my back was killing me. Driving and sitting still makes my back spasm and act up. Anyway, when I got home I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but my pain. I lied flat on my back on the hardwood floor writhing and whining. My sister, Lori was sitting in a chair nearby. She is an amputee. When her leg was amputated, there was some nerve damage which results in a subsequent a non-stop ‘pins and needles’ tingling that would drive a saint to drink…but she NEVER complains! To alleviate her pins and needles and sometimes throbbing, she taps away on the stump. So, here she is looking down at me…tapping away…and she says “oh baby I hate to see you in so much pain”. I was sick to my stomach and disgusted with myself. Here I was with 2 feet and a heartbeat…no missing limbs or debilitating illness…whining about a little back pain. Lori was sincere with her comment…but it was an over due reality slap for me. I vowed from that day forward…no more outward displays for sympathy from me!

I decided that if I was going to be in pain all of the time, I may as well do fun stuff and have pain. I managed to get back to work. I wanted more to life than nursing so I got back into skiing…my FAVORITE activity. I started going to the gym, walking, going out and dancing, anything and everything. I was still chewing on pills like candy back then…but I was having fun too instead of wallowing in self pity. As the years passed, I decided that the pills were doing more harm than good and holding me back…like a security blanket…so I weaned myself off of all of them. Now, I exercise, use heat and take the occasion Tylenol and Advil. That’s it. Thankfully, I have way more ‘good’ days than ‘bad’ ones. The only time somebody knows my back is bothering me is when they can see it in my facial expressions…which is rare.

Last night (Christmas Eve) I went to a place I know well. It is like a perpetual basement party where all the strays meet to eat, drink, be merry and play some kick ass pool at all hours. Somehow, the car accident came up and I told the story again…it was my first date with the man who is now my husband. I tell the story….but focus more on the events of the day and the tragedy of missing the Lynard Skynard/ Doobie Brothers concert…and my new car being written off with little mention of my back. While I am telling the story, there is a 20 year old man stuck in a 72 year old decrepit arthritis filled body shooting a game of pool. He walks like his right hip is 6 inches higher than his left hip…oh right…it is…every step requires a swing to gain momentum to move forward. The other guy playing is also a child trapped in a man’s body…but this body is rattled with the nastiest case of rheumatoid arthritis ever seen. This man has to roll back and forth many times to gain momentum to get out of bed. The entire world looks different to him as getting in the shower, going to the bathroom and/or opening a can of soup is a major daily obstacle to overcome. The arthritis has forced him into a perpetual slumped posture, curled knuckles and fingers and it has now claimed his hip. He can barely walk…but when he plays pool…it is simply the table and he…this man NEVER EVER complains….EVER. Can you imagine how ridiculous my little back pain issue would sound here?

All of the others around the table at the basement party have a story to tell…but they don’t. As an empathic person…I look around the table wondering what their stories would entail. Why are they here in the basement of strays on Christmas Eve? One man is missing an arm, another is severely drunk, and another is a work horse who is in his late 60’s with a battered body full of ‘battle scars’ related to years of abuse and injuries. BUT, they are all smiling and telling crazy stories and laughing…waiting for their turn to annihilate the billiards competition. Nobody was discussing bills or health issues or what or who they didn’t have….they simply enjoyed the moment. This IS what Christmas is all about….good friends, good times…just being together…letting loose and laughing together. An “off 4 banks” shot is called…and the 8 ball miraculously sinks as it was commanded. The pool played here is WAY above professional ranks and really something special to see!

On another note, I have also just learned that friend has a rare and terminal cancer. She has already lost a brother at a young age to cancer, and a father and a step father…now it is her turn. I bumped into her last week while Christmas shopping and she never mentioned it at all. She smiled form ear to ear, hugged me tightly and told me how much she missed me at work. She has an amazingly beautiful soul who makes me feel like the sun shines out my ass everytime I see her. I found out about her illness from somebody else days later. There wasn’t an ounce of self pity there…there wasn’t a tear in her eye…there was absolutely no clue coming from her about her fate….in fact, she glowed!

All of these little stories lead up into the BIG picture…my reality check. While I obsess about my weight…people out there who have reason to suffer and wallow in self pity…do not. I get sick at the thought of buying a bigger size…or nothing fitting. I beat the hell out of myself for missing the gym, or eating a chocolate. I obsess about eating too much when there is someone with nothing to eat. I get mad for missing the gym when there are people who cannot walk. I worry about fitting into a specific size and number on the scales…when someone I know has their days on earth being numbered. I have a beautiful home, a business, nursing career, healthy family, great friends and… a weight problem? That sounds really stupid in the grand scheme of the universe doesn’t it? This year, I will focus on counting my blessings…not calories. Wish me luck!

Is there anything worse than being blind? Yes, a man with sight and no vision.-Helen Keller

Lynn
;)

The Importance of Wearing Pants

I have always felt 'confined' in my clothes. Ever since I was little...as soon as I get in the door..clothes come off! Now, as an adult the bra is whipped right over my head and slung shot across the room...immediately. (Bras are inhumane... torture devices in my opinion...).I strip down into my pyjamas...regardless of time of day and just breathe...cozy as a bug in a rug!

I have been working from home for 3 years now. It sounds absolutely dreamy...but it is not all that it is cracked up to be. I must say that owning my own business...and watching it grow from a concept to reality to internationally known is a 'thrill.' I have been living my dream of being my own boss, and self scheduling.I get up and lie down as I please..and squeeze in everything that has to get done in between. Because we have an online business, we work in a virtual office...everything is done by phone, Internet, web conference...rarely in person. As wonderful as this sounds...there is an incredible danger to this lifestyle...NO PANTS Required.I have participated in many business meetings via teleconference in my pyjamas. I have done webinars (online educational sessions) in my nighties. I have even gone so far as to dress from the waist up...lips and pearls and everything...for video conferences..with no pants...just PJ bottoms! I have been caught in my PJ's by the couriers (FedEx, Purolator, DHL).Oops!

Starting your own business is both scary and exciting! The downside is it takes a LOT of work in a short amount of time! Over the first couple of years, my business partner and I kept psychotic and unreasonable hours. As we struggled to meet deadlines....more projects with closer deadlines would appear. We would get it done...and this was all good from a business perspective but very detrimental to my health. You would think that because I can chose to fill my days as I please...and not having to answer to anyone...that I would be able to get to the gym, go for walks and so on. BUT, that quickly turned into "as soon as I get this done"...and then suddenly it would be 1am! I tried setting exercise time into my agenda...but an important phone call would come in or a huge project diversion...and I would promise myself...tomorrow.

Since I was not accountable to anyone, and lived day by day as per my agenda, I totally lost track of all days. I would have to ask my husband often "what day is this?" He would try to recite the date and I would say "not the date...what day of the week is it?". Another danger of not having structure is diet. I am not talking about a weight loss diet...I am simply referring to healthy eating. Hours could go by and I would not eat. Then, starving...I would make bad choices. I would catch myself feeling wonky or having a headache...and then discover that 8 hours have gone by...and 12 cups of coffee later that I haven't eaten! Everyone knows if you do not eat regularly that can lead to many health and weight issues....which it has. I have gained 60 pounds and I now have diabetes (diet controlled, weight related). I have easily smoked a full package of cigarettes a day...sometimes on very stressful days I have even smoked two!!! Ironically, I was writing educational courses for nurses....about cardiac risk factors at the worst of it.

The MOST dangerous side effect of working home alone, losing track of time and days... by far is living pant-less. When I started this business I was 60 pounds lighter! I went form running my ass off as a nurse to working from home on my butt. Add stress to social isolation and you've got yourself an emotional eating wreck. Once every couple of months I would travel for conferences and/or speaking engagements...and I would be so distressed about nothing fitting. I would make a life altering pledge...but again I got so busy I never got around to it. Then, one day..I had to put on pants and nothing fit..not even close. My PJ pants were skin tight and painful....my stretchy pants fought back...what a reality slap!

As Dr. Phil would say...."how's that working for ya?" It wasn't. So along came the goal of my mini triathlon, the 100 pound journey and my blog. I am pleased to have a goal with a deadline.I cannot say tight pants "hurt so good!". I also have decided to go back to work at the hospital in nursing part time...to have some structure, much needed socialization and a daily wardrobe requirements. I will know what day it is...I will have scheduled meal breaks. I will get to see my friends again. I am eager to simply 'move' on a regular basis. I will still be busy with the company in between... but once you get moving it is easier to keep moving. My best advice to anyone planning to work from home and to everyone out there during the Christmas holidays...where you can easily lose track of time and calories... is to put on your pants everyday!

One way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.
Cyril Connolly

Lynn
;)