Grocery Store Rage

I used to enjoy grocery shopping. It is one of the few times where you are away from the phone, internet, and other daily distractions that prevent you from thinking straight. I used to enjoy taking my time...wandering the aisles...clearing my thoughts....hanging around in my own little world....but then....some IDIOT...invented the 'kiddie-mini-grocery-cart'. I am not talking about the carts that look like race cars with steering wheels....where children are properly restrained directly below their mother's bosom. I am talking about those damned little grocery carts for kids...the world's best baby sitter....for unruly children to run rampant throughout the store...and terrorize everyone else but their oblivious ignoramus parents.

I am a creature of habit. I have my own little routine that I have followed religiously since I became an 'adult' and had to buy groceries for myself. I need to stick to this routine...otherwise I forget things. One day....on my way through the produce aisles...all I can hear...and everybody else can hear...is the non-stop high pitch squealing of some mindless woman blabbering:
JACOB!jacob...JAcob,JAY....COB!!!!jacob...JACOB...JAYCOB....jaCOB...jacob...jacob,jacob, jacob...JACOB....JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYCOB...JAYCOB...jacbob...JACOB....jacob...you get the picture...this would carry on aisle-after-aisle-after-aisle. It didn't even matter if you were an aisle ahead....or an aisle behind....the entire store was held hostage...involuntary voyeurs to BAD parenting! This little 'angel' was given free-range...like the expensive boneless chicken...to run amok with that damned kiddie cart...running into displays and other shoppers as he pleased...while mommy from hell mindlessly hollered on...not even looking in his general direction...living in her own little world....destroying the world of everyone else!

It is times like these that I am grateful that nobody can see a ticker tape screen on my forehead of exactly what I am thinking. I was totally understanding road rage at this point...grocery store RAGE! I was thinking of pulling a Patrick Swayze roundhouse...you know...that backwards circular kick into the air where I would knock the mother's head right off her shoulders? I imagined the floor opening up like a trap door and swallowing that ill-behaved tot with the kiddie cart right into the bowels of the earth....never to be seen again. I imagined a whole bunch of little vignettes that involved the demise of that moronic mother...or child custody workers taking the kid....to save him from an almost certain life in prison or as a heroin addict...or serial killer...but instead...the terrorizing saga continued...JACOB!jacob...JAcob,JAY....COB!!!!jacob...JACOB...JAYCOB....jaCOB...jacob...jacob,jacob, jacob...JACOB....JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYCOB...until I LOST it in the coffee aisle.

The same IDIOT who invented the kiddie cart...obviously placed the coffee bean crushing machine at toddler-eye level in aisle number 8. While 'mother of the year' was relaxing at the greeting cards for a little light reading....Jacob the Terrible...proceeded to flick the switch...and create a mountain of fine ground coffee beans all over the floor. I am not kidding...the coffee mound was at least a foot tall. I SNAPPED....and I admit I was inappropriate....but not as inappropriate as I wanted to be. I grabbed on to Jacob's hand and said..."let's go see Mommy JACOB"....He happily grabbed my hand (which is frightening unto itself) and proceeded to visit with Mommy. I tapped her on the shoulder and asked...."Does THIS JACOB Belong to You???????" She appeared confused at first...seeing how she would have no idea what Jacob actually looked like...and how on earth would a total stranger know her kid's name?? I proceed to say..."if you want to bring up a MONSTER...that is totally your business...BUT...much to my chagrin...it has become my business...since you have decided to terrorize the ENTIRE grocery store with your precious little JACOB!"

She was outraged with me...enough to grab onto little Jacob's hand and storm out of the store. Two women applauded...several others mouthed "thank you!" as I proceeded on with my quest for groceries...with a victorious smile on my face....and absolute silence until I reached the check out.

“When you left your home, you deprived the village of it's idiot”-anonymous

Lynn
;)

Lady Golfers ROCK!

No one is more shocked than me to learn that I am now a Lady Golfer! My husband has been an-over-the-top golf enthusiast for years now...and he has pestered me near to death to take lessons. So, in attempt to make him happy...less about me...I went to the Atlantic Golf Academy on PEI last week...never swung a golf club in my life...except to get the ball through those damned windmills! In fact, I was such a golf virgin I was wondering where the friggin' windmills on the 18th hole were! LOL!

So, Tuesday last...I met up with my personal instructor "Montague Lou" and started on my new adventure! With absolutely no expectations...I did remarkably well!I was amazed at how well I seemed to 'get it'. Now, mind you...Tiger Woods will not be shaking in his boots worried about me on his heels...but I really 'connected' (pun intended) with the game. By the end of day 2...I had my own set of golf clubs,golf shoes, little pink tees and pink balls, bag boy golf cart, little glove...and a visor of course!

On Thursday, hubby and I joined the local driving range...and I again I remained surprised every time I hit a golf ball....a fair distance (about 100-120 yards) straight up the middle! Then, on Friday...we hit the local par 3 course. For those of you who are not golf enthusiasts...this is the 'baby-starter' course. I will not be 'allowed' (as per hubby) on the BIG BOY course for a while. We did the last 9 holes...and I was proud as punch with how I did! All of this 'shock' and 'bewilderment' goes all the way back to high school when our advanced phys Ed class played golf for a semester. My teacher offered me a 75% to set the club down and sit out for the remainder of the term....this was following a near fatal blow to a classmates head with a wayward ball. So, in traumatic fashion...I buried this belief in the back of my brain that I cannot do it...ever again. Imagine my surprise when no birds, rodents or golf instructors were injured during my learning process!

So, on my last day off...I got all geared up and headed out to the driving range on my own. I absolutely LOVED it! Imagine the stress relief of smacking the hell out of balls for an hour! Then, last night...a great friend joined hubby and I for the 'back 9'...that's big time golf lingo you know! Last night was such a blast! Again...I did quite well..and played much better with the encouragement (and empathy)of 2 people. Thanks to Sonja...hubby did not walk off the course with one of my new lady golf clubs bent in the shape of his head!LOL!

So, here is the most amazing part. I went to Weight Watchers to get weighed yesterday. I approached the scales with trepidation as I did not track what I ate...except I did eat Deluxe French Fries and Fish, a Fudge Brownie Blizzard and many other infarcts throughout the week. I was shocked to discover I had lost 3 pounds! Can you imagine how well the weigh-in would have went had I followed the WW plan? I am beside myself with joy! I tried something new and intimidating to me. I actually LOVE it...and I am losing weight having fun! Imagine that!

I am not advocating that everybody run out and invest in golf clubs and a membership by any means. I AM advocating adventure...trying new things...even if you are scared...or doubtful. I tried something new...and lucky me I LOVE it. Plus I get incredible advantages such as stress relief and exercise and weight loss. This beats doing the exact same routine everyday. I have now discovered a whole new side to myself....patience, persistence, adventurous...to name a few. Golf (my new adventure...not necessarily yours) has given me a sense of accomplishment....a new social sport to participate in with friends and outdoors all day...or by myself at the driving range....either way...I would never have known if I hadn't tried it! Life is either one big adventure or nothing at all.

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”-Andre Gide quotes

Lynn
;)

If Easy Bake Oven's Could Talk...

I LOVED my 'Easy Bake Oven'! My oven was the original green monster...with the burned chocolate cake mix and any hope of identifiable finger prints from my index finger...on the light bulb. If I had of known how cheap light bulbs actually were...I would have changed the bulb...but instead I baked a katrillion cakes with the baked on scent of melted skin and chocolate. Sadly, back then...when you baked all the mixes...the 'Easy Bake Oven' was done too!

Ten years ago, I don't know who was more excited when I gave my step daughter an 'Easy Bake Microwave' for Christmas. The only difference was a plastic pan (microwave safe...although it was still only a freaking light bulb!) instead of that super duper HOT metal excuse for a pan. The aesthetics were much improved...as were the utensils... the box...the mixes...a little plastic apron....oh damn it...there is a HUGE difference...who am I kidding? It's even a LOT more difficult to burn yourself. The other big difference....is the variety and availability of Easy Bake mixes...so you can create until you are blue in the face. You can make an Easy Bake triple mocha layer wedding cake now if you want! VERY DANGEROUS...to the perpetual dieter.

This morning the Weight Watchers leader was discussing fool-proofing your home and being prepared for cravings. As usual there are the 'dufai' (that's plural for dufus)who offer tips of veggie trays, and fruit trays...and how to make rice cakes orgasmic....yadda, yadda, yadda. If the 'dufai' actually followed their advice...they wouldn't be taking up two chairs at Weight Watchers now would they? Anyway, I told the leader fool-proofing was a good idea in theory...IF you don't have an 'Easy Bake Oven'. One night...during a losing battle with an out-of-control craving...I remembered my step daughter's 'Easy Bake Microwave' in the very bottom back of her closet. I also topped up her bake mixes a few months before for her birthday. Never mind that she was 17 and not using it anymore (just joking)...I never dreamed that those damned little packages...filled with God Knows WHAT...would taste so GOOD! Who knew one ounce of water could lead to an orgasmic tasty treat? The best part was mixing in just the right amount of water....and licking that goo off my fingers...while the white cake with the multi-colored sprinkles was baking....oh excuse me...'nuking-a-la light bulb'.

This was a deep dark secret that I had kept in the bottom-back-depths of my closet! Imagine my surprise when everyone not only laughed hysterically...they all poured out their crazy psycho secrets....half of them also admitted to similar secrets... ate their kid's Easter bunnies the night before and ran out to the dollar store for emergency replacement...Halloween candy (portion control for the kids of course)...'Easy-bake-play-dates'...where refusing the proceeds of love from your child in the shape of a rock-hard-burnt-chocolate cake (with finger prints burned on)is totally unacceptable! I was shocked at how therapeutic my confession was! I had carried around this guilt-shame-your-a-freak secret for 10 years...only to find out I am of the majority....we all had such a great release....surprisingly...the 'dufai' had a few special secrets too...and it didn't involve chewing on styrofoam-esque rice cakes!

Sadly, as we all grow older...there is never a warning that "this is the last time you are going to have fun with your Easy Bake Oven...the last time you will color as a kid...the last time you play 'Barbies' with your girlfriends. There is no warning that you are all of a sudden not a child anymore. It just happens. I am still traumatized by the day I saw my big green Easy Bake Oven sitting on it's side amongst the garbage at the end of the driveway. The wind was knocked out of me...my entire baking career flashed before my eyes...and the tears flowed freely...I went and said my good byes...coddled it like a pet that had just been hit by a car...on the side of the road. This was something that had to happen...a rite of passage that is unavoidable. BUT...I still FEEL like a kid....I still will jump in with a kid who wants me to skip or color...I will never tire of home-made macaroni cards...or Easy Bake Oven treats!

“There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.”-Deepak Chopra

Lynn
;)

Stop and Smell the Roses

I saw the signs...I opened up my eyes and saw the signs...

I don't know if anyone out there is superstitious or not...but I sure am. My entire childhood my mother would say that "company is coming" if she dropped the dish towel..and by Jesus they did! Then, if someone dropped a knife everyone chanted....knife to the floor...whore at the door...and next thing you knew my sister's crazy friend Chrissy would drop in (sorry Chrissy!)...another time a bird flew into our house...not the beak-bending 'into the house'....like the bird came through the door and flew about inside our house. My mother cowered in fear as this is a sure sign of an impending death...and sure enough...her Father died within 24 hours! Another nasty superstition is a hole in the bread represents a hole in the ground...you know...when you dive into a new loaf of bread and there is a hole in each piece of bread? I was certain I had killed my own Grandmother with that one...sure enough she died shortly afterward. I needed years of counseling to conquer that! I STILL hold my breath every time I dig into the middle of a new loaf of bread!

So, I find it ironic that I am someone who grew up to find meaning in all kinds of signs and coincidences...that I failed to see the blatant signs right in front of my eyes! First of all...a very dear friend of mine went in for a routine surgical procedure and almost died! I tormented myself for 6 weeks while she fought for her life in a coma...worried sick....running case scenarios in my head...praying...begging....and my best coping mechanism of all...DENYING. It really didn't set in until the day I grabbed a coffee and zipped off to go and see her in another town. In order to avoid taking anything away from her miraculous recovery...I was not about to babble on about what I went through. I went through sheer terror and hell...worried sick...begging God to have mercy and give her back to me. This made me feel selfish...but I didn't have the chance to tell her how much she meant to me. How much her funny and inspiring e mails lifted me up and put me on my feet...over and over again. I learned not to wait until tomorrow...don't take things for granted.

While I was going through this torment, another good friend told me she had breast cancer. Excuse me??? This is supposed to happen to other people...the ones in the TV commercials, movies....wherever...just not here and now with my friends or people I know. I stayed calm, cool and collected...as I should...as others expect from me because I am a ROCK! I listened....and silently worried myself SICK! I spent the night as this friend's personal nurse the night she had her lump removed. I felt honored to be the 'protector'...I kept post...ready and waiting for anything she needed. The whole breast cancer thing didn't seep in until another colleague who beat the shit out of breast cancer came in before discharge the next day and discussed good days...and bad days...and wigs...and chemotherapy...and fatigue..reality slapped me really hard...right across the face! I kept my game face on...then came home to worry myself sick! Our friendship has grown tremendously since then. I went to change her dressings everyday...but it was actually a fun time to gossip and giggle and have girlie time. Her breast cancer scare has turned out to be a wake up call for me too. I have learned to enjoy the moments.

Then, the beauty of these occurrences shone through... it is an awakening....maybe a rude awakening...but still an awakening of sorts. It SCREAMS..."PAY ATTENTION...life is too short". I realized worrying about weight and other mediocre things is an extreme waste of time...or 'burning daylight' as Dr. Phil would say. I have 2 speeds....super-low-speed-denial-maybe-tomorrow mode....or all-out-ridiculously-high-speed-expectations and pressures upon myself. I either plan to start dieting, quit smoking and start tomorrow...or I place crazy high unattainable goals upon myself....like I will be fluently bilingual and do a triathlon and lose 100 pounds in the next 3 months! I realized...waking up and running all over the roses....or wait and see if the roses are still there tomorrow is tearing me to pieces! This pressure on myself (worrying or sprinting) is sucking the energy and life right out of me. I am missing the point...and 'hoping' tomorrow brings a better day. I reflected and decided my behaviors of the past "just ain't working"...so I have to change what I am doing...or nothing will ever change. I took a load off. I am sad to report that I have put my triathlon training on hold...BUT with good reason. I was placing so much stress on myself...that something that is supposed to be exhilarating was becoming a strain. I was adding more and more pressure on myself. How can I take weight off...when I am taking on so much burden and more weight? I no longer wish to be a beast of burden! I have decided to spend more time doing what really matters...spend time with my friends and family...doing lunch, coffee, chatting, laughing....writing more...and literally just breathing deeply and smelling the roses.

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.-Virginia Satir

Lynn
;)

The Biggest Loser is WHO?

I cannot watch The Biggest Loser on a regular basis. For some yet undiscovered mental issue...I eat and eat and eat like a maniac...uncontrollable actually. I don't know why...I can probably list off 1 million psychological reasons why...but which is applicable to me...who knows? I did tune in last night...quite by accident...just channel surfing...and felt compelled to stop. Last night's episode was the last weigh in before the finale next week. I was shocked to see Ron still there...the 54 year old father from the father and son brown team. Ron started at 430 pounds,with high blood pressure, arthritic knees, and a multitude of other health issues related to obesity. I selected him to be the first one booted off...and one of the trainer's Jill confirmed she did too. He has lost a total of 151 pounds since the show started.

No matter how many problems (perceived or real) I have with weight loss....this man's battle was magnified 10 fold to lose each and every ounce and pound. Every move he makes is very difficult...painful...and his body reacts negatively...almost as if angry that he dare to try to change now...but he keeps going. Last night, all 4 contestants participated in a full marathon. If they finished the marathon...each received a $10,000 check to donate to the charity of their choice. The TV audience was made privy to their private thoughts and struggles to continue on in the race...and despite that horrible negative voice in all of our heads...they kept going. As each contestant crossed the finish line...they showed a video of each of them before they started the show...at their highest weight...giving themselves advice on how far they have come...how much they have accomplished and to NEVER give up or go back. It was extremely inspiring!

Then, along comes Ron. By the 5th mile of the marathon (26 miles) his knee was throbbing in pain and he was limping. BY the 9th mile he had to sit down at the water break and they discovered that his blood pressure was dangerously high (202/102)! The EMT's were called in and the Dr. was dispatched to the location. I was certain he was going to be pulled from the event...and I literally LOST IT! Despite tremendous pain...insane trembling...and a horrific headache and dizziness and psychotically high blood pressure...Ron never once even suggested that he was not going to continue. After eating a snack...and consulting with the Dr...Ron got back up on his feet and continued!!! I was heaving from my tears...I went into an uncontrollable crying fit! At mile 17 the group of past Biggest Loser Winners met up with Ron to walk with him to the finish line. During the last mile...his other son who remains extremely obese...joined his father for the last mile...his other son Mike...who is one of the finalists...waited at the finish line....when Ron finally crossed...I LOST IT!!! I must have bawled for an hour or more! I was totally mental!They cried in a group hug...by this time...I could barely breathe...I was hysterical!

I use this blog to share my weight loss pain and struggles...and VERY embarrassing moments (Spinning on the Full Moon for one)...and I sat here stunned...what the hell is wrong with me? I have nothing to complain about. I have 2 feet and a heart beat. I have 2 gym memberships, I walk, I bike...I love exercise. I just get easily frustrated...if I gain a pound or don't lose a pound after sincere 150% effort...I fall of the wagon and it takes me weeks to get back on. I am not consistent with my efforts...but in some bizarre screwed up mind game...I convince myself that I work out "all the time" and cannot lose weight....this is not true. I go regularly for weeks and then with one fell swoop...or rogue pound...it's toast for a month...I sit glued to the couch...let the pity party begin...again and again. I also convince myself that I follow a healthy diet religiously...but blank out the McDonald's moments...or pasta for 6 dinners...or Dairy Queen Fudge Brownie Bowl! After the show...my husband threw a fitness challenge at me... a minimum of 30 minutes everyday of exercise...religiously...walking, biking, gym...whatever...he is in it with me for the next 30 days. I do not have high blood pressure, or arthritic knees... or hellish pain with every step...I do not have a single excuse! I am not placing a ridiculous expectation on myself...no specific number on a scale ...no specific size to reach...just stop whining...and wishing...and start moving...moving in the right direction! If I ever feel sorry for myself...or fall off the wagon again for a ridiculous pity party... I am going to imagine Ron trembling and limping...and continuing... and get off my ass and move!

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”-Bob Moawad

Lynn
;)

Girls STILL Just Wanna Have Fun!

Get a gang of girls together and you can expect wild parties, uncensored mischief, and loads of fun. Girls know how to have fun with their "buddies." Boys may go watch a football match or drool over a swanky new car, but girls have a rocking time just chatting. My step daughter has recently been hanging around our house on Thursday and Friday nights to go partying. She lives in the country, and we live handy to the hottest club in town. Over the last couple of week ends, she brings along a friend or two (or three or four) and they spend hours preparing for the night...sipping on their fruity drinks...asking my opinion on what to wear, hair styles (up or down, bangs or not),jewelry... boy strategy...you name it. I love it! I would KILL to go out with them...but not as a 41 year old...I want to go out as that wild and crazy 20 year old again.

I have been reflecting on my clubbing days in the 1980's and I discovered I am a wild and crazy 20-year-old '80's' girl...trapped in 41 year old body! Oh how I wish I could go back one day to spend hours teasing my hair to reach death defying heights, spraying on a healthy coat of 'ice mist' to ensure a hurricane couldn't move a single strand of hair, painting the face in bright technicolor neon purples, donning funky too-tight 80's garb...and belting out 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' while we sucked back as much liquor as possible and laughed our guts out along the way. Dressed to the nines and drunk as hell, we would make our way to 'The Lighthouse' and then always end up at the '1880's' club. One of my favorite nights was ladies night...75 cents a drink...no men allowed upstairs until we were all hammered enough to find them attractive (just joking).

You cannot deny that 80's fashion was by far the funnest and coolest in it's day. One of my favorite outfits involved skin tight purple jeans that were 3 sizes too small...with my open shouldered hot pink sweatshirt (Flashdance style)and double round the hips pink belt. One night, the zipper finally got fed up with me and gave way. This was NOT going to spoil my night....I managed to safety pin the zipper back in...and looked fabulous...despite an overflowing bladder and some very painful jabs and stabs from rogue safety pins throughout the night in my 'hoo hoo'! Another night, I was wearing my smokin' hot red dress with a big ass wide black belt and super high black heels. I was approached by some dude who said 'my brother and I have been watching you all night'. I was not surprised...I was one HOT chick...then he ruined it by saying ' He thinks that you're chunky...but I'd do you anyway'. This ignoramus didn't phase me at all...I just threw my 75 cent drink in his face...and continued on my extremely confident prowl...best 75 cents I ever wasted! I was 100 pounds lighter and I looked and felt amazing. Drunk or not, I walked around that club like I owned it. I always felt like a million bucks!

The sisterhood of the traveling pants is actually based on the true phenomenon of girls recycling outfits (my theory). My step daughter carefully selects outfits that she does not want anyone else to look good in...and hides them in my room. Then,when the posse of girls arrive...chaos ensues! Just before going out there is a humongous pile of clothes on the floor and each girl has tried on no less than a dozen different outfits! Back in our day...we had a sassy black dress with deep cleavage and rouging all up the center of the dress that clung to each of our curves 'just right'. I still have no idea how we all managed to squeeze into this magical dress...all shapes and sizes of us...big and small. I still believe it had magical qualities. Girls with no boobs had kick ass cleavage....girls with booty had perky booty... anyone in that dress was the SEX BOMB!WHO HAS THIS DRESS? I want it back! On my 19th birthday, I slid down the banister of the infamous stairway of the 1880's in this traveling dress....not too lady like as the dress rode up and above my hips on the way down...but it got a good laugh of hysteria from my crew...just before I got booted out...again! Every week, the bouncer would say 'Lynn you'd better behave yourself!'. I would swear to a well behaved night...well...you know the rest.

Back in the day, everyone got ready at my house. Every week end I am reminded of what my parents had to go through with us gals. But, I don't mind it at all. I feel young again...and I smile inside recalling all the fun times I had with my crew. My step daughter and her friends love to hear my stories...or at least they are polite enough to sit through them!! My mother would pour our drinks for us...2 fingers high...vertical, not horizontal! For those of you with no connection to girls of clubbing age...they are still wearing painful high heels and too-tight clothes for the sake of fashion...big hair and psychotically HUGE earrings (which I would have KILLED for in the 80's), no coats in freezing cold weather (many nights we stumbled hammered through blizzards with no coats and high heels)....and they still giggle and squeal (and stumble and fall)like fools on their way to the cab. Way too early the next morning, Mom and Dad would blare country music throughout the house,and wake us up...and offer my girlfriend (the PUKER of the group) some nice fresh runny eggs....you know the next part. Despite knowing what we were in for...or better yet...knowing what we were in for...we would wake up severely hung over...and do it all over again! I am itching for another crazy night with my gal pals...of course our hair will be flatter...and shorter...outfits a little more sociably acceptable (probably still tighter than I would like)...but there is still PLENTY left in me...to chat and giggle like a fool. Oh the good ole days...Girls STILL Just Wanna Have Fun!!! Maybe we could have an 80's theme party!!!

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."
Maya Angelou

Lynn
;)

Cocoon to Social Butterfly

When I was a young nurse, I was’ bright eyed and bushy tailed’, ready to take the world by storm. I quickly voiced my opinions and rallied for change. I believed in action, not reaction. I could not understand the resistance that I had met along the way. All I ever wanted was to make our profession better. Unfortunately, I became a scape goat for negativity. I was confused and disappointed. How could I have been perceived as exactly what I have learned to hate? Much to my demise, my passion for change turned into rage and years of frustration.

A couple of years ago, I broke 4 teeth from grinding in them in my sleep. I was not sleeping well and I would cry at the drop of a hat. I reached ‘the point of no return’ and I didn’t have the energy to turn around. I found getting out of bed to go to work challenging. I noticed that I would become anxious days before my shifts. I knew that I was ‘burnt out’. I tried to ignore it. But my body would not allow me too. This burn out spilled over into my personal life. I am normally an outgoing and sociable person, but I began to withdraw and avoid social situations. I knew that I needed to do something. In the past, I would apply for another job and move on. However, I discovered that this ‘band aid’ only lasted for a short time. What on earth was I going to do?

Suddenly, a once in a lifetime opportunity came up to start my business, an online education company for the professional development of nurses(MedSenses.com). I very happily walked out of the hospital doors with no intention of ever looking back. I cut myself off from the world and I submerged myself in getting my business going. I was on the laptop for 16 hour days...sometimes more in a flurry to write courses and edits and networking and so on. Three years later,a wake up call happened in the form of an e mail from the hospital telling me that my leave for entrepreneurship was over and I had to resign or come back. Three isolated years had passed me by. I wasn't answering the phone, I refused coffee invites, I didn't speak to anyone. I realized I was profoundly lonely. The social butterfly shut herself down into a cocoon. My hubby said " I want my wife back". So, with that...back to the hospital I went.

Well....smooth move ex lax! Last night at work I felt like Mick Jagger at the Dollarama! Everywhere I went I was enthusiastically hugged and welcomed back. There was the buzz of activity as everyone was excited to see me again...and vice versa. How on earth could I have forgotten all about them. How on earth did I walk out and totally forget about all of them? How could I forget how alive these people made me feel? They were the best audience I have ever had for my 'stand up' routines and crazy stories. Yeah sure, there were pscyh patients going wild, code troubles, code browns (stool incontinence), people ragging...but that's where stories are made! Hey Mick...kiss my ass!


“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

Lynn
;)