So, I put off everything until after my trip to Cuba. For the last 6 weeks, I said I would "get back on my diet", "get back on track","get back to exercise","quit smoking", "yadda, yadda, yadda"...I am back from Cuba...and kind of dragging my knuckles.
I am proud to announce that I did quit smoking when I got back from Cuba. I put the patch on and quit smoking on November.22. I did have a couple of "sneak smokes" and I am glad that I did. I ended up feeling very sick and had wicked headaches both times... so, I am very confident this time around. When something is taboo for me...I desperately have to have it...so cigarettes are not taboo...they are just not desirable anymore. I am pleased with myself for this big accomplishment. I am a little moody, even sookey, BUT instead of talking about it...I did it! I feel so empowered!
Exercise is 150% easier than it was as a smoker. Spinning, with the exception of the 'hole' incident' was an absolute thrill! I swam 120 laps last night like an Olympian. I went to a 'Tone n Tease' class last week that I am still sore from!(I have ALOT more respect for strippers now!)I had a fabulous walk with my galpal and 'step-dogs'. Now that the cigarettes are gone...I really can see myself crossing that finish line for the sprint triathlon in May. No ifs, ands or BUTTS!
So, why am I being so tough on myself? Instead of celebrating...I am maliciously kicking the shit out of myself! Every moment of every day I curse myself up for craving, eating, sleeping too much, not exercising enough,watching TV, being too lazy...whatever. That little powerful voice inside my head keeps chanting..."no you can't", "what are you thinking?" "you'll never be ready" "FATSO"... I think I figured it out... I used to have the cigarettes as an excuse to fall back on. If I failed or struggled with exercise or weight...I could blame the cigarettes. Now, without the smokes to blame...the only blame I have to blame is...me. To be perfectly honest...I am scared to death!I am absolutely terrified.I am starting to look like I am nuts because I swat at that little voice like a bug. I keep telling it to get LOST!!! So why is the little nasty voice still hanging around? Why won't it BACK OFF??? Everybody has this miserable bastard little voice...right?
Hi Lynn, yes I know I have that crazy little voice in my head; mainly because I think we are our worst critics. We are way harder on ourselves than we would ever be on somebody else!! lol ... Congrats on the no smoking, keep up the good work :)
ReplyDeleteSharon