Cocoon to Social Butterfly

When I was a young nurse, I was’ bright eyed and bushy tailed’, ready to take the world by storm. I quickly voiced my opinions and rallied for change. I believed in action, not reaction. I could not understand the resistance that I had met along the way. All I ever wanted was to make our profession better. Unfortunately, I became a scape goat for negativity. I was confused and disappointed. How could I have been perceived as exactly what I have learned to hate? Much to my demise, my passion for change turned into rage and years of frustration.

A couple of years ago, I broke 4 teeth from grinding in them in my sleep. I was not sleeping well and I would cry at the drop of a hat. I reached ‘the point of no return’ and I didn’t have the energy to turn around. I found getting out of bed to go to work challenging. I noticed that I would become anxious days before my shifts. I knew that I was ‘burnt out’. I tried to ignore it. But my body would not allow me too. This burn out spilled over into my personal life. I am normally an outgoing and sociable person, but I began to withdraw and avoid social situations. I knew that I needed to do something. In the past, I would apply for another job and move on. However, I discovered that this ‘band aid’ only lasted for a short time. What on earth was I going to do?

Suddenly, a once in a lifetime opportunity came up to start my business, an online education company for the professional development of nurses(MedSenses.com). I very happily walked out of the hospital doors with no intention of ever looking back. I cut myself off from the world and I submerged myself in getting my business going. I was on the laptop for 16 hour days...sometimes more in a flurry to write courses and edits and networking and so on. Three years later,a wake up call happened in the form of an e mail from the hospital telling me that my leave for entrepreneurship was over and I had to resign or come back. Three isolated years had passed me by. I wasn't answering the phone, I refused coffee invites, I didn't speak to anyone. I realized I was profoundly lonely. The social butterfly shut herself down into a cocoon. My hubby said " I want my wife back". So, with that...back to the hospital I went.

Well....smooth move ex lax! Last night at work I felt like Mick Jagger at the Dollarama! Everywhere I went I was enthusiastically hugged and welcomed back. There was the buzz of activity as everyone was excited to see me again...and vice versa. How on earth could I have forgotten all about them. How on earth did I walk out and totally forget about all of them? How could I forget how alive these people made me feel? They were the best audience I have ever had for my 'stand up' routines and crazy stories. Yeah sure, there were pscyh patients going wild, code troubles, code browns (stool incontinence), people ragging...but that's where stories are made! Hey Mick...kiss my ass!


“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

Lynn
;)