If Easy Bake Oven's Could Talk...

I LOVED my 'Easy Bake Oven'! My oven was the original green monster...with the burned chocolate cake mix and any hope of identifiable finger prints from my index finger...on the light bulb. If I had of known how cheap light bulbs actually were...I would have changed the bulb...but instead I baked a katrillion cakes with the baked on scent of melted skin and chocolate. Sadly, back then...when you baked all the mixes...the 'Easy Bake Oven' was done too!

Ten years ago, I don't know who was more excited when I gave my step daughter an 'Easy Bake Microwave' for Christmas. The only difference was a plastic pan (microwave safe...although it was still only a freaking light bulb!) instead of that super duper HOT metal excuse for a pan. The aesthetics were much improved...as were the utensils... the box...the mixes...a little plastic apron....oh damn it...there is a HUGE difference...who am I kidding? It's even a LOT more difficult to burn yourself. The other big difference....is the variety and availability of Easy Bake mixes...so you can create until you are blue in the face. You can make an Easy Bake triple mocha layer wedding cake now if you want! VERY DANGEROUS...to the perpetual dieter.

This morning the Weight Watchers leader was discussing fool-proofing your home and being prepared for cravings. As usual there are the 'dufai' (that's plural for dufus)who offer tips of veggie trays, and fruit trays...and how to make rice cakes orgasmic....yadda, yadda, yadda. If the 'dufai' actually followed their advice...they wouldn't be taking up two chairs at Weight Watchers now would they? Anyway, I told the leader fool-proofing was a good idea in theory...IF you don't have an 'Easy Bake Oven'. One night...during a losing battle with an out-of-control craving...I remembered my step daughter's 'Easy Bake Microwave' in the very bottom back of her closet. I also topped up her bake mixes a few months before for her birthday. Never mind that she was 17 and not using it anymore (just joking)...I never dreamed that those damned little packages...filled with God Knows WHAT...would taste so GOOD! Who knew one ounce of water could lead to an orgasmic tasty treat? The best part was mixing in just the right amount of water....and licking that goo off my fingers...while the white cake with the multi-colored sprinkles was baking....oh excuse me...'nuking-a-la light bulb'.

This was a deep dark secret that I had kept in the bottom-back-depths of my closet! Imagine my surprise when everyone not only laughed hysterically...they all poured out their crazy psycho secrets....half of them also admitted to similar secrets... ate their kid's Easter bunnies the night before and ran out to the dollar store for emergency replacement...Halloween candy (portion control for the kids of course)...'Easy-bake-play-dates'...where refusing the proceeds of love from your child in the shape of a rock-hard-burnt-chocolate cake (with finger prints burned on)is totally unacceptable! I was shocked at how therapeutic my confession was! I had carried around this guilt-shame-your-a-freak secret for 10 years...only to find out I am of the majority....we all had such a great release....surprisingly...the 'dufai' had a few special secrets too...and it didn't involve chewing on styrofoam-esque rice cakes!

Sadly, as we all grow older...there is never a warning that "this is the last time you are going to have fun with your Easy Bake Oven...the last time you will color as a kid...the last time you play 'Barbies' with your girlfriends. There is no warning that you are all of a sudden not a child anymore. It just happens. I am still traumatized by the day I saw my big green Easy Bake Oven sitting on it's side amongst the garbage at the end of the driveway. The wind was knocked out of me...my entire baking career flashed before my eyes...and the tears flowed freely...I went and said my good byes...coddled it like a pet that had just been hit by a car...on the side of the road. This was something that had to happen...a rite of passage that is unavoidable. BUT...I still FEEL like a kid....I still will jump in with a kid who wants me to skip or color...I will never tire of home-made macaroni cards...or Easy Bake Oven treats!

“There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.”-Deepak Chopra

Lynn
;)

Stop and Smell the Roses

I saw the signs...I opened up my eyes and saw the signs...

I don't know if anyone out there is superstitious or not...but I sure am. My entire childhood my mother would say that "company is coming" if she dropped the dish towel..and by Jesus they did! Then, if someone dropped a knife everyone chanted....knife to the floor...whore at the door...and next thing you knew my sister's crazy friend Chrissy would drop in (sorry Chrissy!)...another time a bird flew into our house...not the beak-bending 'into the house'....like the bird came through the door and flew about inside our house. My mother cowered in fear as this is a sure sign of an impending death...and sure enough...her Father died within 24 hours! Another nasty superstition is a hole in the bread represents a hole in the ground...you know...when you dive into a new loaf of bread and there is a hole in each piece of bread? I was certain I had killed my own Grandmother with that one...sure enough she died shortly afterward. I needed years of counseling to conquer that! I STILL hold my breath every time I dig into the middle of a new loaf of bread!

So, I find it ironic that I am someone who grew up to find meaning in all kinds of signs and coincidences...that I failed to see the blatant signs right in front of my eyes! First of all...a very dear friend of mine went in for a routine surgical procedure and almost died! I tormented myself for 6 weeks while she fought for her life in a coma...worried sick....running case scenarios in my head...praying...begging....and my best coping mechanism of all...DENYING. It really didn't set in until the day I grabbed a coffee and zipped off to go and see her in another town. In order to avoid taking anything away from her miraculous recovery...I was not about to babble on about what I went through. I went through sheer terror and hell...worried sick...begging God to have mercy and give her back to me. This made me feel selfish...but I didn't have the chance to tell her how much she meant to me. How much her funny and inspiring e mails lifted me up and put me on my feet...over and over again. I learned not to wait until tomorrow...don't take things for granted.

While I was going through this torment, another good friend told me she had breast cancer. Excuse me??? This is supposed to happen to other people...the ones in the TV commercials, movies....wherever...just not here and now with my friends or people I know. I stayed calm, cool and collected...as I should...as others expect from me because I am a ROCK! I listened....and silently worried myself SICK! I spent the night as this friend's personal nurse the night she had her lump removed. I felt honored to be the 'protector'...I kept post...ready and waiting for anything she needed. The whole breast cancer thing didn't seep in until another colleague who beat the shit out of breast cancer came in before discharge the next day and discussed good days...and bad days...and wigs...and chemotherapy...and fatigue..reality slapped me really hard...right across the face! I kept my game face on...then came home to worry myself sick! Our friendship has grown tremendously since then. I went to change her dressings everyday...but it was actually a fun time to gossip and giggle and have girlie time. Her breast cancer scare has turned out to be a wake up call for me too. I have learned to enjoy the moments.

Then, the beauty of these occurrences shone through... it is an awakening....maybe a rude awakening...but still an awakening of sorts. It SCREAMS..."PAY ATTENTION...life is too short". I realized worrying about weight and other mediocre things is an extreme waste of time...or 'burning daylight' as Dr. Phil would say. I have 2 speeds....super-low-speed-denial-maybe-tomorrow mode....or all-out-ridiculously-high-speed-expectations and pressures upon myself. I either plan to start dieting, quit smoking and start tomorrow...or I place crazy high unattainable goals upon myself....like I will be fluently bilingual and do a triathlon and lose 100 pounds in the next 3 months! I realized...waking up and running all over the roses....or wait and see if the roses are still there tomorrow is tearing me to pieces! This pressure on myself (worrying or sprinting) is sucking the energy and life right out of me. I am missing the point...and 'hoping' tomorrow brings a better day. I reflected and decided my behaviors of the past "just ain't working"...so I have to change what I am doing...or nothing will ever change. I took a load off. I am sad to report that I have put my triathlon training on hold...BUT with good reason. I was placing so much stress on myself...that something that is supposed to be exhilarating was becoming a strain. I was adding more and more pressure on myself. How can I take weight off...when I am taking on so much burden and more weight? I no longer wish to be a beast of burden! I have decided to spend more time doing what really matters...spend time with my friends and family...doing lunch, coffee, chatting, laughing....writing more...and literally just breathing deeply and smelling the roses.

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.-Virginia Satir

Lynn
;)

The Biggest Loser is WHO?

I cannot watch The Biggest Loser on a regular basis. For some yet undiscovered mental issue...I eat and eat and eat like a maniac...uncontrollable actually. I don't know why...I can probably list off 1 million psychological reasons why...but which is applicable to me...who knows? I did tune in last night...quite by accident...just channel surfing...and felt compelled to stop. Last night's episode was the last weigh in before the finale next week. I was shocked to see Ron still there...the 54 year old father from the father and son brown team. Ron started at 430 pounds,with high blood pressure, arthritic knees, and a multitude of other health issues related to obesity. I selected him to be the first one booted off...and one of the trainer's Jill confirmed she did too. He has lost a total of 151 pounds since the show started.

No matter how many problems (perceived or real) I have with weight loss....this man's battle was magnified 10 fold to lose each and every ounce and pound. Every move he makes is very difficult...painful...and his body reacts negatively...almost as if angry that he dare to try to change now...but he keeps going. Last night, all 4 contestants participated in a full marathon. If they finished the marathon...each received a $10,000 check to donate to the charity of their choice. The TV audience was made privy to their private thoughts and struggles to continue on in the race...and despite that horrible negative voice in all of our heads...they kept going. As each contestant crossed the finish line...they showed a video of each of them before they started the show...at their highest weight...giving themselves advice on how far they have come...how much they have accomplished and to NEVER give up or go back. It was extremely inspiring!

Then, along comes Ron. By the 5th mile of the marathon (26 miles) his knee was throbbing in pain and he was limping. BY the 9th mile he had to sit down at the water break and they discovered that his blood pressure was dangerously high (202/102)! The EMT's were called in and the Dr. was dispatched to the location. I was certain he was going to be pulled from the event...and I literally LOST IT! Despite tremendous pain...insane trembling...and a horrific headache and dizziness and psychotically high blood pressure...Ron never once even suggested that he was not going to continue. After eating a snack...and consulting with the Dr...Ron got back up on his feet and continued!!! I was heaving from my tears...I went into an uncontrollable crying fit! At mile 17 the group of past Biggest Loser Winners met up with Ron to walk with him to the finish line. During the last mile...his other son who remains extremely obese...joined his father for the last mile...his other son Mike...who is one of the finalists...waited at the finish line....when Ron finally crossed...I LOST IT!!! I must have bawled for an hour or more! I was totally mental!They cried in a group hug...by this time...I could barely breathe...I was hysterical!

I use this blog to share my weight loss pain and struggles...and VERY embarrassing moments (Spinning on the Full Moon for one)...and I sat here stunned...what the hell is wrong with me? I have nothing to complain about. I have 2 feet and a heart beat. I have 2 gym memberships, I walk, I bike...I love exercise. I just get easily frustrated...if I gain a pound or don't lose a pound after sincere 150% effort...I fall of the wagon and it takes me weeks to get back on. I am not consistent with my efforts...but in some bizarre screwed up mind game...I convince myself that I work out "all the time" and cannot lose weight....this is not true. I go regularly for weeks and then with one fell swoop...or rogue pound...it's toast for a month...I sit glued to the couch...let the pity party begin...again and again. I also convince myself that I follow a healthy diet religiously...but blank out the McDonald's moments...or pasta for 6 dinners...or Dairy Queen Fudge Brownie Bowl! After the show...my husband threw a fitness challenge at me... a minimum of 30 minutes everyday of exercise...religiously...walking, biking, gym...whatever...he is in it with me for the next 30 days. I do not have high blood pressure, or arthritic knees... or hellish pain with every step...I do not have a single excuse! I am not placing a ridiculous expectation on myself...no specific number on a scale ...no specific size to reach...just stop whining...and wishing...and start moving...moving in the right direction! If I ever feel sorry for myself...or fall off the wagon again for a ridiculous pity party... I am going to imagine Ron trembling and limping...and continuing... and get off my ass and move!

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”-Bob Moawad

Lynn
;)