I met a new friend at the gym today. She asked me last night at aqua running to meet with her this morning for cardio. Thank God I committed to her, otherwise I wouldn't have went! I met Giselle at 10:30 and I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes on Elliptical and 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. I was soaked with sweat and I felt great for the rest of the day. The best part, was that it flew right by because we were chit chatting. It is amazing how hooking up with a friend to work out can be a fun event.
Exercising with a friend is great and so is dieting, if it is done the right way. I sold my metabolism to NUTRISYSTEM in 1991 for about $5000! That's right, that is the day I actually sold my metabolism and I have been desperately trying to get it back ever since. The day I walked in there I thought I was the fattest biggest hugest COW that ever walked. I was 193 pounds! I remember the 'before picture' from that day and I was absolutely disgusted!! I would KILL to be 193 pounds now. After NUTRISYSTEM I rolled over 200 pounds and kept right on going. I have never been below 200 pounds since!
I got extremely lucky. My childhood girlfriend Logan had joined NUTRISYSTEM and we decided to move in together. Our entire cupboard was full of everything NUTRISYSTEM. We were never tempted like most other people who have to diet and live with those 'freaks' who can eat whatever they want when they want. My favorite NUTRISYTEM meal back then was the macaroni tuna casserole. MMMMMMM! I bet that you are all drooling about it right now! I think Logan and I ate that astronaut-just-add-water delight about 4 times a week.
The best part of this time in my life was living with Logan on Horsefield Street. It was an amazing apartment! The heritage buildings were renovated and turned into apartments by Dominic Eden. He hand picked a variety of professionals who would make a cool mix in the common courtyard. Logan and I would get weighed on Fridays so we could cheat, drink and be merry! Every Friday we sipped on Moose light beer in the common courtyard, blared some tunes, smoked, and laughed and just chillaxed. The neighbors would sometimes gather in the courtyard with us. We had the gay hairdressers James and Paul, a naval officer Ken, a PR chick named Melissa, Dominic's mother-in law Marilyn, and some others I cannot recall. We'd end up going out somewhere clubbing and dancing and then stumble home hammered, sometimes crawling up Germain Street. I loved living in uptown Saint John! Then, the absolute BEST part of the night was JULIUS pizza at the corner of Horsefield and Charlotte Street. I would literally 'blow' somebody for a 12 " slice of that pizza right now!!!!! I am drooling just writing about it.
Here is the sad part of this story. I got down to an all time low of 167 pounds on NUTRISYSTEM. I remember Logan and I both had identical 'goal' jeans. They were brand named "Manager", sized 13 and I wish to God I still had them. (Logan more than likely does!!) They were kick ass jeans and we looked HOT in those!! Sadly, I still felt and thought I was a HUGE cow! I still remember my clothes feeling tight and being uncomfortable in my skin and self conscious about how fat I was...at 167 pounds! Can you imagine? This time around I am actually not obsessing with damn numbers. I have to focus on health, feeling better and looking better. I do look at the numbers on labels and that is important to control my sugars and lose weight. BUT, I am trying very hard to stop obsessing with the number on the scale and the size number on my clothing. It is a struggle living for a number...but all I remember is hitting that number on the scale and thinking I had to hit another better number. I was totally incapable of celebrating because of damned numbers! I remember years later looking at some pictures and I asked my friend "who is that?". IT WAS ME!! I am not kidding. I did not even recognize myself in a picture....and I had no recollection of ever looking that good...I was still dissatisfied. Is that tragic or what? I now know that weight loss success is avoiding any fast fix diets that require just adding water, taking supplements, 'speed' or denying entire food groups. The key is to not eat white stuff, eat fruits and veggies daily, lots of water and fiber and exercise! That's it. Pretty simple formula...and no numbers necessary.
Lynn
;)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Spice up your life...
Week 2- Weight- 258 pounds Body Fat-44.5%- Loss-2 pounds!!! 0.5% BF
Well, I did it! I finally had a loss! After 5 weeks stuck at 260 pounds my metabolism has finally kicked in! Hopefully! I am pleased to see some progress. I have been going to the gym religiously for 2 full weeks. Today I was just way too busy, so I worked out on my water rower. My water rower is a beautiful and sleek machine. It is made out of ash and has a double track seat. The resistance is provided by a rotating water well that is powered by you. It sounds and feels like you are really rowing on a river. I love it. I put on my bike shorts, sports bra, shades, visor and the fan on my face. Not a pretty sight right now but it will be! I crank up the ipod and party with Brittney. Last month I struggled to get in 30 minutes and got 700 strokes- 5km. I cannot believe what a difference a couple of weeks of regular exercise makes! Today I got to 900 strokes in 30 minutes and hit 6km distance! Yahoooo! Feeling good.
Tonight I went to an Epicure party. Because I am an Anglophone, living in a French world, I still have to do literal translation in my head before I speak French...so I was left scratching my head wondering what in hell a 'grocery store' party (epicerie) was all about!!! What would it involve and what would we do? Then, I wondered if it was like a pedicure, manicure kind of thing...and sometimes hair removal tools and potions and lotions start with 'epi' something. Then I got scared! Like are we all going to hang out and wax each other's birds or something????? If that was the case I was going to politely back out!! Then, I got thinking how I must have messed up the translation...as I have done this many times. One time as a flight nurse on NB AirCare, I flew a elderly man who was from Memramcook to Montreal. I have always had a very difficult time understanding the elderly from Memramcook when they speak French. I was intimidated and could barely piece together what this man was saying. There is also alot of noise on the plane as well so this makes translation even more difficult. The flight to Montreal was uneventful and it was an absolutely gorgeous day! The sky was a bright blue and the clouds were ultra white and puffy. Now don't worry if you do not speak French at this part because I will explain my kerfuffle in full shortly. My French speaking friends are going to laugh at me in 3,2,1...I turned to my patient and said " Gardez les belle mouchoirs!" Gardez Ca!" He gave me the weirdest glance. About 10 minutes passed, I smiled broadly and I said it again..."Gardez les belle mouchoirs!" He looked at me all squirrely and weird again. His behavior was odd...so I wrote on the patient's chart that he appeared confused!!! When we landed in Montreal I told the receiving paramedics that he was confused. I said my good byes to my patient...and he flinched like he was scared of me. I was like" thank God this trip is over...he is going totally pyscho now!" I figured he must have been a booze nipper and was slipping into withdrawl or something...maybe demented? As we boarded the plane to return to NB my nose became runny from the cold weather. I grabbed for a box and KLEENEX and realized instantly that KLEENEX is mouchoirs...not clouds!!!!!!!!!!!! I was the whacko! The patient was scared shitless of me because I was some nutty nurse telling him to look at the pretty kleenex all the way to Montreal! I decided for integrity sake (my integrity)...that the paramedics would figure out that he may have been confused but he wasn't anymore!!! I also learned that the French word for clouds is "nuages"!!
So, back to the Epicure party. When was first invited I had to Google it. It is a spice party! I am so pleased I went. This company offers wonderful spices and kitchen accessories. The best part is the tasting portion of the party...all of the samples were low fat and good choices...so I got to participate guilt free and I learned these spices were extremely delicious! Besides tasting we passed around various spices to sniff. I actually considered sniffing it through a straw!!! But then reconsidered as one of the attendees Janice described what the possible post sniffing ER visit explanation would sound like...so much for that idea. When the Tiramasu bottle came round I politely asked the party girl if she would mind if I stuck my tongue right in the bottle. Unfortunately, she said no. While I was side tracked...Janice says "Lynn you gotta smell this!" Normally I would quickly retract as this is typically a "wicked-smelling-fart-warning"...at least in my household!! She slipped 'orgasm in a jar' under my nose! I am not kidding! I had an instant physical reaction! I have read that some people have this 'problem' when they sneeze. I found out I have it with " hot buttered rum mix". It was a warm and oozy caramel dripping smell.....mmmmmmm. I was cross-eyes and couldn't think straight. I said "OMG Janice! You just made IT move!!!" Janice almost choked to death laughing! Sorry Janice! I am so glad that I went. We had a good time, a few glasses of wine and some great laughs! It was nice to chillax with the gals tonight!
Since I started working from home, I have slowly isolated myself from friends and social events. I was too busy working all the time for anything or anyone. I realized that if I was going to lose weight and work my way to fitness and health that socialization is crucial in achieving my goals. I promised myself to attend more events, accept coffee dates with friends, close the laptop when people call to chat and just pay more attention to people. I have made some friends at the gym, re-connected with some friends from work and high school, and my connect with family now more than ever. This small but mighty step has begun to fill that void I used to feed with food. So, spice up your life with friends and family regularly! Step outside that box...and maybe take some French lessons while your at it!
Lynn
;)
Well, I did it! I finally had a loss! After 5 weeks stuck at 260 pounds my metabolism has finally kicked in! Hopefully! I am pleased to see some progress. I have been going to the gym religiously for 2 full weeks. Today I was just way too busy, so I worked out on my water rower. My water rower is a beautiful and sleek machine. It is made out of ash and has a double track seat. The resistance is provided by a rotating water well that is powered by you. It sounds and feels like you are really rowing on a river. I love it. I put on my bike shorts, sports bra, shades, visor and the fan on my face. Not a pretty sight right now but it will be! I crank up the ipod and party with Brittney. Last month I struggled to get in 30 minutes and got 700 strokes- 5km. I cannot believe what a difference a couple of weeks of regular exercise makes! Today I got to 900 strokes in 30 minutes and hit 6km distance! Yahoooo! Feeling good.
Tonight I went to an Epicure party. Because I am an Anglophone, living in a French world, I still have to do literal translation in my head before I speak French...so I was left scratching my head wondering what in hell a 'grocery store' party (epicerie) was all about!!! What would it involve and what would we do? Then, I wondered if it was like a pedicure, manicure kind of thing...and sometimes hair removal tools and potions and lotions start with 'epi' something. Then I got scared! Like are we all going to hang out and wax each other's birds or something????? If that was the case I was going to politely back out!! Then, I got thinking how I must have messed up the translation...as I have done this many times. One time as a flight nurse on NB AirCare, I flew a elderly man who was from Memramcook to Montreal. I have always had a very difficult time understanding the elderly from Memramcook when they speak French. I was intimidated and could barely piece together what this man was saying. There is also alot of noise on the plane as well so this makes translation even more difficult. The flight to Montreal was uneventful and it was an absolutely gorgeous day! The sky was a bright blue and the clouds were ultra white and puffy. Now don't worry if you do not speak French at this part because I will explain my kerfuffle in full shortly. My French speaking friends are going to laugh at me in 3,2,1...I turned to my patient and said " Gardez les belle mouchoirs!" Gardez Ca!" He gave me the weirdest glance. About 10 minutes passed, I smiled broadly and I said it again..."Gardez les belle mouchoirs!" He looked at me all squirrely and weird again. His behavior was odd...so I wrote on the patient's chart that he appeared confused!!! When we landed in Montreal I told the receiving paramedics that he was confused. I said my good byes to my patient...and he flinched like he was scared of me. I was like" thank God this trip is over...he is going totally pyscho now!" I figured he must have been a booze nipper and was slipping into withdrawl or something...maybe demented? As we boarded the plane to return to NB my nose became runny from the cold weather. I grabbed for a box and KLEENEX and realized instantly that KLEENEX is mouchoirs...not clouds!!!!!!!!!!!! I was the whacko! The patient was scared shitless of me because I was some nutty nurse telling him to look at the pretty kleenex all the way to Montreal! I decided for integrity sake (my integrity)...that the paramedics would figure out that he may have been confused but he wasn't anymore!!! I also learned that the French word for clouds is "nuages"!!
So, back to the Epicure party. When was first invited I had to Google it. It is a spice party! I am so pleased I went. This company offers wonderful spices and kitchen accessories. The best part is the tasting portion of the party...all of the samples were low fat and good choices...so I got to participate guilt free and I learned these spices were extremely delicious! Besides tasting we passed around various spices to sniff. I actually considered sniffing it through a straw!!! But then reconsidered as one of the attendees Janice described what the possible post sniffing ER visit explanation would sound like...so much for that idea. When the Tiramasu bottle came round I politely asked the party girl if she would mind if I stuck my tongue right in the bottle. Unfortunately, she said no. While I was side tracked...Janice says "Lynn you gotta smell this!" Normally I would quickly retract as this is typically a "wicked-smelling-fart-warning"...at least in my household!! She slipped 'orgasm in a jar' under my nose! I am not kidding! I had an instant physical reaction! I have read that some people have this 'problem' when they sneeze. I found out I have it with " hot buttered rum mix". It was a warm and oozy caramel dripping smell.....mmmmmmm. I was cross-eyes and couldn't think straight. I said "OMG Janice! You just made IT move!!!" Janice almost choked to death laughing! Sorry Janice! I am so glad that I went. We had a good time, a few glasses of wine and some great laughs! It was nice to chillax with the gals tonight!
Since I started working from home, I have slowly isolated myself from friends and social events. I was too busy working all the time for anything or anyone. I realized that if I was going to lose weight and work my way to fitness and health that socialization is crucial in achieving my goals. I promised myself to attend more events, accept coffee dates with friends, close the laptop when people call to chat and just pay more attention to people. I have made some friends at the gym, re-connected with some friends from work and high school, and my connect with family now more than ever. This small but mighty step has begun to fill that void I used to feed with food. So, spice up your life with friends and family regularly! Step outside that box...and maybe take some French lessons while your at it!
Lynn
;)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Micheal Phelps...eat my dust!!!
I had a fabulous workout in the pool tonight for my Tri Fit training. I did 80 laps in an hour. Some were freestyle 10(crawl) and some 10 breaststroke. We did 36 'pull' laps, which means placing a foam form between your knees so you can't use you legs...arms only with paddles for resistance. I feel like I flew from California! Holy moley are my arms ever sore! Then we did 20 laps with just legs and flippers. Wicked work out for the legs. The most wicked of all were the sprints! When I was told I had to do 2 full laps in less than 60 seconds 4 times I was scared! Whatever was left over in the minute was your break. If you went over the minute you had no break and had to keep going. I did 45 secs, 37 secs, 35 secs and then down to 32 seconds!!!!!!! I was blown away....surprised myself. I admit I swallowed half the pool and I almost puked from it but it was worth it!!! I have a goal now to do more sprints with less recovery time required. I am so proud of myself.
The key to my success tonight was two-fold. One is I am a fish and I love to be in the water. After a stressful day, swimming is the equivalent to taking a Valium to me. I have been swimming since I was 3 years old. I love it. The second key to my success was imagining that I was Micheal Phelps in his Olympic swim suit. I was swimming in the Olympic pool in the CUBE in China. I imagined the view from below and the view from above as many of seen on TV this summer. I even imagined the final touch before everybody else! I was completely shocked and proud of my stamina tonight! I honestly think I kicked Micheal Phelps ass!
Tomorrow morning is 'weigh in'. I am nervous. I have worked out everyday for the last 2 weeks. I have followed my diet to the letter. I even did the unthinkable! I went to a movie this week and did not eat popcorn...this was epic for me!! I enjoyed the movie and didn't get my usual heartburn, sweats and misery after eating a barrel of butter dripped popcorn and drinking a bucket of syrupy coke. I was so disheartened last week after a week of crazy exercise and following my diet (except having one Chinese cheat meal) and see the scales not move and the fat-o-meter tell me to DRIFT as well. I pray there is some progress as I fear for my resolve. I get so frustrated and heart broken. I am determined to get well. I must admit my sugars are the best they have been in ages, I sleep like a baby, drug free and I have much more energy. I know it is all good for me one way or another. But it still sucks having a shitty metabolism! I will keep you posted tomorrow on my progress. I am accepting any prayers anyone has to offer!!!
Lynn
;)
The key to my success tonight was two-fold. One is I am a fish and I love to be in the water. After a stressful day, swimming is the equivalent to taking a Valium to me. I have been swimming since I was 3 years old. I love it. The second key to my success was imagining that I was Micheal Phelps in his Olympic swim suit. I was swimming in the Olympic pool in the CUBE in China. I imagined the view from below and the view from above as many of seen on TV this summer. I even imagined the final touch before everybody else! I was completely shocked and proud of my stamina tonight! I honestly think I kicked Micheal Phelps ass!
Tomorrow morning is 'weigh in'. I am nervous. I have worked out everyday for the last 2 weeks. I have followed my diet to the letter. I even did the unthinkable! I went to a movie this week and did not eat popcorn...this was epic for me!! I enjoyed the movie and didn't get my usual heartburn, sweats and misery after eating a barrel of butter dripped popcorn and drinking a bucket of syrupy coke. I was so disheartened last week after a week of crazy exercise and following my diet (except having one Chinese cheat meal) and see the scales not move and the fat-o-meter tell me to DRIFT as well. I pray there is some progress as I fear for my resolve. I get so frustrated and heart broken. I am determined to get well. I must admit my sugars are the best they have been in ages, I sleep like a baby, drug free and I have much more energy. I know it is all good for me one way or another. But it still sucks having a shitty metabolism! I will keep you posted tomorrow on my progress. I am accepting any prayers anyone has to offer!!!
Lynn
;)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
He ain't heavy...he's my brother!
I have a brother named Lloyd ( I call him Lloydie). Lloydie is 9 years my senior. Because of our age gap, I have very little memory of him as a child. My first clear memory is when I was about 3-4 years old. I crept from my warm bed, crawled in with him. I remember the dream I had as clear as if it were yesterday... I had a nice long pee. Unfortunately for Lloydie... I actually did have a nice long pee. Then, I crawled back into my dry bed. I have no recollection of the aftermath for him. Sorry Lloydie! I remember Lloyd and his friend Donnie having BB guns and that I had a crush on his friend Wally. The first time Mom and Dad entrusted our care ( me and sis) to Lloyd as a babysitter, a BIG ASS RAT decided to make an appearance. Yes a big ass rat showed up and Daddy was out dancing with Mom, so our knight in shining armor wasn't available. I was about 5 or 6, so that made Lori about 10 and Lloyd around 14. All I recall is my big brother huddled on top of the stove, literally squatting on it and squealing like a school girl. My sister had on big rubber boots and was armed with a broom fighting the damned monster rat, and I was doing what I do best...looking cute in PJ's and my thumb plunked in my mouth... kind of like that cute little 'who' Wendy Loo! I also remember, (and will never forget!!!), Lloyd and sister Lori taking great pleasure in locking my in the scary basement and tormenting the hell out of by telling me I was adopted. I was horrified and bawled my eyes out! Now as an adult I joke that I MUST be adopted because I couldn't possibly belong to this clan! LOL! Lloyd used to sit on me and tickle me for hours! To this day nobody is allowed to touch my feet in anyway due to this ticking trauma! In high school, Lloyd went on a Mediterranean Cruise and brought me back a funky purse from Turkey. I would kill to have that now...but it disappeared somewhere. Lloydie moved away to Ontario when I was 10. He went to school, found a wife and returned home 5 years later with a baby. I was not interested in babies or kids of any kind and I was in my own world. Normal for a 15 year old I guess but I wasn't nice or sociable with him. All he ever wanted was to be my friend but I was self absorbed, too busy, too something every time.
Let's fast forward. I successfully lost 50 pounds with Simply for Life (SFL) 4 years ago. I was running 4-5 km at least 3 times or more per week. I was looking great and feeling great. I discarded all my fat clothes and kissed that fat lard ass good bye for good! Well, as soon as I hit the 50 pound mark I abandoned my diet. My running partner moved away so I stopped running that very day...never ran again. I left my secure job at the hospital and started my own business. This gave me all the excuses in the world to gain all of the weight back plus 10 pounds for good luck, and of course there was no time for exercise or family or friends for all that matters. Lloyd kept reaching out... but again I was busy busy busy!! To make matters worse, I am a worry wart. So while I have my brother on the back burner at all times, I lie awake at night terrified he is going to die of a heart attack. I have done this for many years. Absolute terror that Lloydie would up and die on me...meanwhile I am not around and do not visit or call him at all while he is living. I would publicly crucify someone with that same behavior!!! What's up with that???
Our entire family is overweight and big. We have all struggled with our weight since birth. As soon as I see my mother I immediately want her home made mac and cheese, whoopee pies, home made bread, colored whippy 'guess-what's-in-this' jello concoctions, pickles and chocolate/butterscotch brownie cake SCORE bar trifle all at once!! Mix it together in a blender...and I will suck it all through a straw and lick the bowl!!! I am drooling right now! The worst hit by the burden of weight was Lloydie. He was close to 500 pounds. He was a prisoner in his fat. Lucky for Lloyd, I had tons of advice for him! I mean after all I lost 50 pounds right? I was a self appointed expert...I somehow forgot along the way I gained it all back plus 10! To add insult to injury, my brother endured patronizing from me on how to diet successfully and exactly what to do and how to get it done... non-stop. I told him about the 'diet du jour', tips on weight loss, gave him my notes from a dietitian and of course pushed SFL at him (even though I was no longer doing it). I gave him my recipes, books and just plain old 'sisterly lectures'. I also reiterated that his weight was going to kill him and begged him to do something.
Here is an IRONY ALERT!!!! I am now diabetic from my weight gain. I have developed intolerance to all things carbs and sugars. I sweat when I eat just about anything now related to my unstable sugars. I also have a new lactose intolerance, seafood sensitivity, new heartburn, I can't stay awake in the day and I lie awake all night. I now bloat up like a balloon when I eat bread. I am being tested for Celiac disease, and I SMOKE!!! If I were to go to McDonald's right now Iand scarf down a Big Ma combo, I would pass out into a diabetic coma for 4 hours and wake up in a sweat...as if I jumped in a lake...wet from head to toe...and feel like shit for the rest of the day. An egg salad sandwhich put me out for 2 hours yesterday. Oh yes, and for those of you who don't know me...I am a nurse (20 years) and I educate mainly about cardiac risk factors and disease prevention. I am also a hypocritical motivational speaker...my message is to 'Believe in Yourself". I must admit I literally get high making others feel great about themselves, but then secretly angry for being such a hypocrite!!!!Does it get any better? Isn't Lloydie lucky to have such an expert in the family?
At the end of February this year my brother joined SFL. He set a record of a 100 pound weight loss in less than 21 weeks!!! Now at week 29 he hast lost 130 pounds!!! He has done it by eating healthy and eating lots of good things, no crap. His wife, Elaine has lost almost 50 pounds as well. They both look smashing!!! Two months ago, Lloydie told me that since he started SFL he hasn't eaten 54 pounds of margarine, 50 loaves of bread, and 100 pounds of potatoes! Every week he calls himself the "Kitchen Bitch" and prepares his meals and snacks for the week. He lost a shitload of weight and I gained my old brother back!!! He is witty, charming, intelligent, handsome and has a hysterically funny sense of humor. He is an amazing human being. There are no words to describe how proud I am of him!!! I do not feel jealous at all, just extreme chest bursting adoration!!!
There are also no words for the shame I feel for denying him friendship or any of my time or all these years. This week, Lloyd reached out to me and offered me support. A shoulder to cry on, a chest to beat on...help. I really need it. I always prided myself on being a 'rock' and 'having it all together'. This fucked up sense of 'pride' has led me straight down into a big black hole. This week, my brother reached down from the stove top ( sorry Lloydie!! LOL) and pulled me out with his big strong arms. He gave me a virtual hug. I have to face the fact that I need help this time, and as usual Lloydie was there ready and waiting for me. He ain't heavy, he's my brother! Lloydie is just the best thing since...mm mm.... can't say sliced bread because that is the ENEMY... Lloydie is just the best! I adore you and I need you big brother. I love you to bits! Thanks for throwing me that life preserver!
Love you Lloydie,
Lynn
;)
Lynn
;)
Let's fast forward. I successfully lost 50 pounds with Simply for Life (SFL) 4 years ago. I was running 4-5 km at least 3 times or more per week. I was looking great and feeling great. I discarded all my fat clothes and kissed that fat lard ass good bye for good! Well, as soon as I hit the 50 pound mark I abandoned my diet. My running partner moved away so I stopped running that very day...never ran again. I left my secure job at the hospital and started my own business. This gave me all the excuses in the world to gain all of the weight back plus 10 pounds for good luck, and of course there was no time for exercise or family or friends for all that matters. Lloyd kept reaching out... but again I was busy busy busy!! To make matters worse, I am a worry wart. So while I have my brother on the back burner at all times, I lie awake at night terrified he is going to die of a heart attack. I have done this for many years. Absolute terror that Lloydie would up and die on me...meanwhile I am not around and do not visit or call him at all while he is living. I would publicly crucify someone with that same behavior!!! What's up with that???
Our entire family is overweight and big. We have all struggled with our weight since birth. As soon as I see my mother I immediately want her home made mac and cheese, whoopee pies, home made bread, colored whippy 'guess-what's-in-this' jello concoctions, pickles and chocolate/butterscotch brownie cake SCORE bar trifle all at once!! Mix it together in a blender...and I will suck it all through a straw and lick the bowl!!! I am drooling right now! The worst hit by the burden of weight was Lloydie. He was close to 500 pounds. He was a prisoner in his fat. Lucky for Lloyd, I had tons of advice for him! I mean after all I lost 50 pounds right? I was a self appointed expert...I somehow forgot along the way I gained it all back plus 10! To add insult to injury, my brother endured patronizing from me on how to diet successfully and exactly what to do and how to get it done... non-stop. I told him about the 'diet du jour', tips on weight loss, gave him my notes from a dietitian and of course pushed SFL at him (even though I was no longer doing it). I gave him my recipes, books and just plain old 'sisterly lectures'. I also reiterated that his weight was going to kill him and begged him to do something.
Here is an IRONY ALERT!!!! I am now diabetic from my weight gain. I have developed intolerance to all things carbs and sugars. I sweat when I eat just about anything now related to my unstable sugars. I also have a new lactose intolerance, seafood sensitivity, new heartburn, I can't stay awake in the day and I lie awake all night. I now bloat up like a balloon when I eat bread. I am being tested for Celiac disease, and I SMOKE!!! If I were to go to McDonald's right now Iand scarf down a Big Ma combo, I would pass out into a diabetic coma for 4 hours and wake up in a sweat...as if I jumped in a lake...wet from head to toe...and feel like shit for the rest of the day. An egg salad sandwhich put me out for 2 hours yesterday. Oh yes, and for those of you who don't know me...I am a nurse (20 years) and I educate mainly about cardiac risk factors and disease prevention. I am also a hypocritical motivational speaker...my message is to 'Believe in Yourself". I must admit I literally get high making others feel great about themselves, but then secretly angry for being such a hypocrite!!!!Does it get any better? Isn't Lloydie lucky to have such an expert in the family?
At the end of February this year my brother joined SFL. He set a record of a 100 pound weight loss in less than 21 weeks!!! Now at week 29 he hast lost 130 pounds!!! He has done it by eating healthy and eating lots of good things, no crap. His wife, Elaine has lost almost 50 pounds as well. They both look smashing!!! Two months ago, Lloydie told me that since he started SFL he hasn't eaten 54 pounds of margarine, 50 loaves of bread, and 100 pounds of potatoes! Every week he calls himself the "Kitchen Bitch" and prepares his meals and snacks for the week. He lost a shitload of weight and I gained my old brother back!!! He is witty, charming, intelligent, handsome and has a hysterically funny sense of humor. He is an amazing human being. There are no words to describe how proud I am of him!!! I do not feel jealous at all, just extreme chest bursting adoration!!!
There are also no words for the shame I feel for denying him friendship or any of my time or all these years. This week, Lloyd reached out to me and offered me support. A shoulder to cry on, a chest to beat on...help. I really need it. I always prided myself on being a 'rock' and 'having it all together'. This fucked up sense of 'pride' has led me straight down into a big black hole. This week, my brother reached down from the stove top ( sorry Lloydie!! LOL) and pulled me out with his big strong arms. He gave me a virtual hug. I have to face the fact that I need help this time, and as usual Lloydie was there ready and waiting for me. He ain't heavy, he's my brother! Lloydie is just the best thing since...mm mm.... can't say sliced bread because that is the ENEMY... Lloydie is just the best! I adore you and I need you big brother. I love you to bits! Thanks for throwing me that life preserver!
Love you Lloydie,
Lynn
;)
Lynn
;)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Can you 'Smell' Blasphemy?
This post is short and sweet. I was on my way to spinning class and met up with a gal pal from the ER where I used to work. Now Cathy is one of those lucky gals who can eat whatever they want, no exercise and always looks beautiful. I mean no disrespect by this story Cathy (just so you know). In the gym you can smell the mix of chlorine, dusty gym, sweat and tears....you know that gym smell that is universal smelling as a hockey bag? That smell that says welcome and get moving? My 'Spidey- smell-senses' were tingling and severely altered this day because Cathy was chomping down on a BIG MAC combo in the gym. Yes, I am not lying! This psycho gorgeous girl was bringing her little one to swimming classes and whole hearted chomping on that BIG MAC like a fat boy on smarties and following up the bites with a swoosh of that disgusting black and inebriating Coca Cola ice cold soda! Isn't this picture just horrible? Are you covering your mouth with disbelief, or crossing yourself in fear????I didn't know how to react or what to do! I was thinking 'get that the hell out of here you crazy bitch!' and' I am sure there are rules against this in the gym etiquette book!'. I am sure that I read something about a BIG MAC not being allowed within 500 meters of a gym entryway! Either way, I would say if you look up blasphemy in the dictionary it will show gorgeous Cathy chomping on a Big MAC in the gym!!! Sorry Cathy...it is my little psycho cheeseburger goblin talking.LOL!
On your mark, get set...
Aqua running is fun. It looks absolutely ridiculous, but it is a very good and effective work out, especially for your legs. You simulate running in the pool with a floater around your waist. You also do hovering ( like you are leaning on your handle bars and biking like an Olympic athlete), and cross country skiing laps. You accelerate yo as fast as you can, have a brief rest and then sprints. It is a fun class. I got the hang of it but I am still slow. There are some grey haired ladies in that class that kick my ass! They have been at it for years, and it shows. I will literally try to touch the edge last, because I do not want to be drowned by blue hairs! I like being in the pool because you don't sweat and if you are hot you can dunk. Somehow, after an hour of tremendous effort, the other ladies come out with perfect hair and not a drop of water on their glasses. I do not know how they do this!
I met a girl my first night at the gym named Gail. Gail kept asking me if I was doing OK and smiling and checking in. I told her I was just at the beginning of my 100 pound journey and she enthusiastically said " you can do it...I just did!". Gail lost 85 pounds. On our second meeting at the next class, Gail produced her before picture! All I can say is WOW!! She carries it with her everywhere. Great idea! Gail is at every class I go to and she is always reinforcing me and saying I remember, I know where you are at, keep going! She has been fabulous! I really love the atmosphere of this new gym I am going to. Everyone is very nice, supportive and chatty. I am really enjoying my new gym classes and everything that comes with it. That does not make me lose my guard with the blue hairs though! LOL!
I met a girl my first night at the gym named Gail. Gail kept asking me if I was doing OK and smiling and checking in. I told her I was just at the beginning of my 100 pound journey and she enthusiastically said " you can do it...I just did!". Gail lost 85 pounds. On our second meeting at the next class, Gail produced her before picture! All I can say is WOW!! She carries it with her everywhere. Great idea! Gail is at every class I go to and she is always reinforcing me and saying I remember, I know where you are at, keep going! She has been fabulous! I really love the atmosphere of this new gym I am going to. Everyone is very nice, supportive and chatty. I am really enjoying my new gym classes and everything that comes with it. That does not make me lose my guard with the blue hairs though! LOL!
Did you Know Eyeballs Sweat?
I finally made it to a spinning class this week. It was Phil's class and this man is brutal. He does the real deal...like biking from here to freaking Africa just for fun! You know the kind! His class is awesome because if you can make it through, you feel like you've just climbed Mount Everest! For those of you who do not know what spinning is...it is an hour on a stationary bike, increasing and decreasing the tension (like moving the gears) and standing, hovering, and sitting as if you are participating in an Olympic race. You always have to push yourself to the limit in these classes. Also, whoever invented the bicycle seat must be a 90 pound freak of a man! Those seats are inhumane! I know for a fact these seats were never intended for my 260 pound voluptuous ass! I brought my gel seat and had on my bicycle shorts. Bicycle shorts have a nice diaper-esque lining to further protect your perineal integrity. So, bottom line I cannot imagine the incredulous pain I would be in without my added protection because my crotch and those muscles you never use unless you bike in your crotch were screaming blue bloody murder. My goodness my crotch was KILLING ME!! People say you get used to it? Is that like getting used to the dentist performing a root canal without freezing? Do the nerves in your precious area just stop working because they are crushed and now impaired somehow? I once had bicycle butt so bad I grew balls!!! I had two very black and blue balls of fluid in the precious zone for 2 weeks. Whenever I had to sit or pee I cried! Despite this, I will remain optimistic. Spinning is fabulous for many reasons. The best reason is the calorie burn. It is said that spinning is the best exercise for calorie burn...like 700 calories a minute! That isn't quite true but it feels that way! My eye balls were sweating! I literally could not see because I had a wicked burning in my eyes and sweat dropping from them. My knees were sweating too! That is a first time for me! I must say that this torture is worth it. For one hour of torture...that also happens to be fun in a sadistic kind of way... I am going to reach my goal one way or another. Mayybe I'll do what the kid does in that toilet paper commercial and just fill my spandex pants with reems of toilet paper!
Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Pool
I am always late, or just in under the wire getting someplace. Tonight I had spinning class, but I was stuck in a meeting and couldn't make it. I was fine with this as I am adopting a more flexible life style, so I looked at the gym schedule and planned for aquasize instead. No problemo! I was running late as usual, 5 minutes until class started. I quickly squeezed into my bathing suit...using that little dance we all know and love (and would never perform in front of a mirror)! I liken getting on my bathing suit as trying to put a marshmallow into a slot machine! LOL! I ran to the shower to wet down before getting into the pool (the rules). Because I was in a meeting I was fully 'beautified' with makeup and hair, so I took an extra minute to ensure my mascara was off and that I wouldn't resemble 'nightmare Alice' with black running all down my face. I opened the pool door with an excited " TA DA!" and nobody was there. Thank goodness in my new optimism I just figured I would be the only one in class. It is not odd that nobody is in the locker room when I am late. But NO!!!! The life guard empathetically approached me and said " there is no aqua size tonight, it is tomorrow". Now the baby in the wet diaper with dripping hair and black makeup was ready to go into a DEFCON 4 level cry!!! Why me? How did this happen? I looked at the schedule!! But instead I said..well I needed a shower anyway! Even though I said it that is not how I felt. My smile was half convincing. The lifeguard said...well it is your lucky day, there isn't anything booked for the next hour so why don't you swim anyway? I said "Yippee!". I had the pool all to myself for an hour with a one on one coach. I did my training routine for swimming. I ended up doing 50 laps, 20 of them freestyle and then drills with kicking with flutter board and fins, arms only with hand paddles, sprints and other strength and endurance exercise for the full hour. It was fabulous!! I could barley walk I worked myself so hard in the pool. I felt like a million dollars! What incredible luck! Now, if anyone knows of any classes on how to read gym schedules for retards 101...please let me know!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
If you change the way you looks at things...
One of my favorite quotes of all time is " If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". This is so true. My old behavior was not working for me. I have been working out regularly for many years. I may be fat but I am extremely fit. Unfortunately, what I have been doing isn't working. I related really brutal and hard work outs to an excuse to have extra calories. If it isn't written in the food diary, it doesn't count. Well guess what...I can deny reality as much as I want...but the scales have no problem giving me the finger and screaming FUCK YOU LADY as soon as I step on!! I admit I have had images of jumping up and down on that fat-o-meter (fat content measure thingy) and crushing it into little bits!!! But the next fat-o-meter and any photos of me are screaming the truth, despite myself. It does suck to be sick, but I am actually grateful for it because I obviously need a major kick in the ass. I am a cardiac nurse at heart (pun intended). I have seen myself display text book cardiac chest pain signs and symptoms and suck and say...."mm mm, this is exactly what a heart attack is described as" and light a smoke. DUH!
Tonight, I could not do the spinning class I set out for because there weren't enough bikes. I even held the door open for the gal who got the last bike! Normally, I would see this as a sign from God that I cannot and should not go on. The old Lynn would have seen this as a neon sign in the shape of golden arches! (if you know what I am saying! LOL!). Instead, I checked the schedule and decided to go to hydro-tone in the pool instead. I had an extra hour to spend before class, and I live about 5 minutes away so I went home and savored a coffee and went back for the hydro tone class. I really enjoyed it! Hydro tone is in the pool and involves cardio sprints (jogging, kicking, cross country ski moves etc) combined with toning stations (lifting weights and resistance training in the water). It sounds pretty easy, but it is brutal!! I stayed afterwards and did some laps as well. I am very pleased with my attitude change.
I always saw my weight as an unfair cross to bear. I am a skinny wild whore inside!!! My hubby often jokes that he would hate to see me skinny because he knows I would go get groceries in high heels and pasties on my nips if I was!! LOL! I have also said many times "if I wasn't fat I would be perfect"...that is true! LOL! Either way, I am excited to see the changes in the way I look at things...even though it is early on in my 100 pound journey,I am well on my way!
Thanks so much for your encouragement everyone!
Lynn
;)
Tonight, I could not do the spinning class I set out for because there weren't enough bikes. I even held the door open for the gal who got the last bike! Normally, I would see this as a sign from God that I cannot and should not go on. The old Lynn would have seen this as a neon sign in the shape of golden arches! (if you know what I am saying! LOL!). Instead, I checked the schedule and decided to go to hydro-tone in the pool instead. I had an extra hour to spend before class, and I live about 5 minutes away so I went home and savored a coffee and went back for the hydro tone class. I really enjoyed it! Hydro tone is in the pool and involves cardio sprints (jogging, kicking, cross country ski moves etc) combined with toning stations (lifting weights and resistance training in the water). It sounds pretty easy, but it is brutal!! I stayed afterwards and did some laps as well. I am very pleased with my attitude change.
I always saw my weight as an unfair cross to bear. I am a skinny wild whore inside!!! My hubby often jokes that he would hate to see me skinny because he knows I would go get groceries in high heels and pasties on my nips if I was!! LOL! I have also said many times "if I wasn't fat I would be perfect"...that is true! LOL! Either way, I am excited to see the changes in the way I look at things...even though it is early on in my 100 pound journey,I am well on my way!
Thanks so much for your encouragement everyone!
Lynn
;)
Monday, September 15, 2008
Welcome to my 100 Pound Journey
Start Weight 260 pounds Body Fat 45.2%
I have gained and lost at least 1 million pounds in my short life time of 40 years. I am not sure how many others out there go through the self tormenting hell I do or not, so this is why I started this blog. Every waking moment of every waking second of my life I am OBSESSED with my size, weight, diet, what I've ate, what I may eat, what I shouldn't have eatten, bad skin from eating, tight clothes, bad hair, pictures of myself, why I can't eat what others eat, why I exercise and gain and others lose by thinking of exercise and so on and so on. I am well aware that others out there have serious medical problems, face death or suffer immeasurable pain from tragedies. But, I can't help it. This is my world.
I just turned 40 years old. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with impaired fasting sugars, otherwise known as "pre-diabetes". I have not coped with this well. This diagnosis only served to help my denial. I have just learned that endocrinologists do not even ackowledge 'pre-diabetes'. You are either a diabetic or not. Kind of like a little pregnant. Just doesn't happen this way. I have gotten fatter and fatter. I get sick from almost every food I eat...but do I stop eating it? NOPE! I am SICK! I am really sick. What do I do? Keep testing and denying and wishing and hoping and lying to myself. When I do face reality I get even more frustrated!
I see a dieitician and follow Canada's Fod Guide. I do not eat white anything. My diet is hgh in fiber, fruits and vegetables and tons of water. I keep a food diary. I also exercise. I am this HUGE 'tubby' in class sweating to beat the band, keeping up no problem. I do get a kick out of the unfit skinny chicks staring at me in exercise classes flabbergasted that tubby can keep up and they cannot. I do have fun with that!!!
Either way, I am so frustrated of being sick and tired and most of all FAT! I joined a Tri Fit club, and I am going to do a mini triathalon in the spring 2009. I have begun my 100 pound weight loss journey and I want to share my trials, tribulations, tears and fears with you. My greatest hope is to let others know that they are not alone. Talk to me, cry with me, move with me...no more denial. This time I am doing it!!!
Lynn
;)
I have gained and lost at least 1 million pounds in my short life time of 40 years. I am not sure how many others out there go through the self tormenting hell I do or not, so this is why I started this blog. Every waking moment of every waking second of my life I am OBSESSED with my size, weight, diet, what I've ate, what I may eat, what I shouldn't have eatten, bad skin from eating, tight clothes, bad hair, pictures of myself, why I can't eat what others eat, why I exercise and gain and others lose by thinking of exercise and so on and so on. I am well aware that others out there have serious medical problems, face death or suffer immeasurable pain from tragedies. But, I can't help it. This is my world.
I just turned 40 years old. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with impaired fasting sugars, otherwise known as "pre-diabetes". I have not coped with this well. This diagnosis only served to help my denial. I have just learned that endocrinologists do not even ackowledge 'pre-diabetes'. You are either a diabetic or not. Kind of like a little pregnant. Just doesn't happen this way. I have gotten fatter and fatter. I get sick from almost every food I eat...but do I stop eating it? NOPE! I am SICK! I am really sick. What do I do? Keep testing and denying and wishing and hoping and lying to myself. When I do face reality I get even more frustrated!
I see a dieitician and follow Canada's Fod Guide. I do not eat white anything. My diet is hgh in fiber, fruits and vegetables and tons of water. I keep a food diary. I also exercise. I am this HUGE 'tubby' in class sweating to beat the band, keeping up no problem. I do get a kick out of the unfit skinny chicks staring at me in exercise classes flabbergasted that tubby can keep up and they cannot. I do have fun with that!!!
Either way, I am so frustrated of being sick and tired and most of all FAT! I joined a Tri Fit club, and I am going to do a mini triathalon in the spring 2009. I have begun my 100 pound weight loss journey and I want to share my trials, tribulations, tears and fears with you. My greatest hope is to let others know that they are not alone. Talk to me, cry with me, move with me...no more denial. This time I am doing it!!!
Lynn
;)
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