Start Weight 260 pounds Body Fat 45.2%
I have gained and lost at least 1 million pounds in my short life time of 40 years. I am not sure how many others out there go through the self tormenting hell I do or not, so this is why I started this blog. Every waking moment of every waking second of my life I am OBSESSED with my size, weight, diet, what I've ate, what I may eat, what I shouldn't have eatten, bad skin from eating, tight clothes, bad hair, pictures of myself, why I can't eat what others eat, why I exercise and gain and others lose by thinking of exercise and so on and so on. I am well aware that others out there have serious medical problems, face death or suffer immeasurable pain from tragedies. But, I can't help it. This is my world.
I just turned 40 years old. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with impaired fasting sugars, otherwise known as "pre-diabetes". I have not coped with this well. This diagnosis only served to help my denial. I have just learned that endocrinologists do not even ackowledge 'pre-diabetes'. You are either a diabetic or not. Kind of like a little pregnant. Just doesn't happen this way. I have gotten fatter and fatter. I get sick from almost every food I eat...but do I stop eating it? NOPE! I am SICK! I am really sick. What do I do? Keep testing and denying and wishing and hoping and lying to myself. When I do face reality I get even more frustrated!
I see a dieitician and follow Canada's Fod Guide. I do not eat white anything. My diet is hgh in fiber, fruits and vegetables and tons of water. I keep a food diary. I also exercise. I am this HUGE 'tubby' in class sweating to beat the band, keeping up no problem. I do get a kick out of the unfit skinny chicks staring at me in exercise classes flabbergasted that tubby can keep up and they cannot. I do have fun with that!!!
Either way, I am so frustrated of being sick and tired and most of all FAT! I joined a Tri Fit club, and I am going to do a mini triathalon in the spring 2009. I have begun my 100 pound weight loss journey and I want to share my trials, tribulations, tears and fears with you. My greatest hope is to let others know that they are not alone. Talk to me, cry with me, move with me...no more denial. This time I am doing it!!!
Lynn
;)
Hey Lynn,
ReplyDeleteI've just read (thanks to Paulette) all of your entries so far and have to say, "You go girl!!".
I don't know you but I'm rooting for you and will be checking back in to your blog to see how things are going.
I was very overweight growing up and can relate with everything you said in this first post! I lost all of the weight in high school and kept it off for more than 15 years. Where weight was concerned, I was my own little success story. It was NOTHING SHORT OF AWESOME living in an active, healthy and fit body all of those years! But then my first baby came a few years ago and almost 80 lbs showed up, like a long lost memory. A second baby arrived a year ago and my own rock bottom hit this past March!
Like you, I'm on my way back to where I really belong, and I can't wait to get there. I'm at 36 lbs now and feeling infinitely better. I can't wait to check in on your progress and cheer you on!
One more thing to share with you (I hope there's no limit to the length of these comments!). I'm creating a digital scrapbook of my little journey, and maybe it's something you might be interested in too. I'd like something to remind me of just how miserable I was at that size, along with the pics in case I forget. I'm sure there's lots of free software out there, but the one I'm using is at Creative Memories (http://www.creativememories.com/MainMenu/Help-Zone/Digital/Storybook)
Just like a scrapbook, you can add pages as you go along, add pictures, and of course all the text you want, so you can have all the real stuff in there too. Mine is not complete yet, but I add to it from time to time, and when it's done I will order a real copy of it. (btw: if you happen to know of a better site for this kind of thing, let me know).
All the best,
Nancy