One of my favorite quotes of all time is " If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". This is so true. My old behavior was not working for me. I have been working out regularly for many years. I may be fat but I am extremely fit. Unfortunately, what I have been doing isn't working. I related really brutal and hard work outs to an excuse to have extra calories. If it isn't written in the food diary, it doesn't count. Well guess what...I can deny reality as much as I want...but the scales have no problem giving me the finger and screaming FUCK YOU LADY as soon as I step on!! I admit I have had images of jumping up and down on that fat-o-meter (fat content measure thingy) and crushing it into little bits!!! But the next fat-o-meter and any photos of me are screaming the truth, despite myself. It does suck to be sick, but I am actually grateful for it because I obviously need a major kick in the ass. I am a cardiac nurse at heart (pun intended). I have seen myself display text book cardiac chest pain signs and symptoms and suck and say...."mm mm, this is exactly what a heart attack is described as" and light a smoke. DUH!
Tonight, I could not do the spinning class I set out for because there weren't enough bikes. I even held the door open for the gal who got the last bike! Normally, I would see this as a sign from God that I cannot and should not go on. The old Lynn would have seen this as a neon sign in the shape of golden arches! (if you know what I am saying! LOL!). Instead, I checked the schedule and decided to go to hydro-tone in the pool instead. I had an extra hour to spend before class, and I live about 5 minutes away so I went home and savored a coffee and went back for the hydro tone class. I really enjoyed it! Hydro tone is in the pool and involves cardio sprints (jogging, kicking, cross country ski moves etc) combined with toning stations (lifting weights and resistance training in the water). It sounds pretty easy, but it is brutal!! I stayed afterwards and did some laps as well. I am very pleased with my attitude change.
I always saw my weight as an unfair cross to bear. I am a skinny wild whore inside!!! My hubby often jokes that he would hate to see me skinny because he knows I would go get groceries in high heels and pasties on my nips if I was!! LOL! I have also said many times "if I wasn't fat I would be perfect"...that is true! LOL! Either way, I am excited to see the changes in the way I look at things...even though it is early on in my 100 pound journey,I am well on my way!
Thanks so much for your encouragement everyone!
Lynn
;)
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