Ten years ago I went on my first trip south. Instead of being excited like most 'normal' people... I spent months grieving about my size before-hand. I couldn't believe that I agreed to go to the Dominican Republic with a super-fragalistic-brick-house-skinny-chick and her husband. I was sick to my stomach about how fabulous she looked in her tanned skinned gold lamay bikini body. I obsessed how HUGE I was going to look beside her on the beach. All this grief for months before we even got on the plane!
Well, when I am upset I try to offset the pain that I am feeling with humour. I had heard that 'topless' was perfectly acceptable on the beaches of the Dominican Republic. So, the first morning on the beach I joked about showing off my bodacious ta-tas much to my horrified husband's chagrin. As soon as we hit the beach edge, I lifted my top to quickly flash the masses and out of the blue...on a beach full of thousands of people... we heard “OMG! Lynn & Mike are here!!!" I almost puked and died of embarrassment! What are the chances of randomly flashing my boobs on a beach full of thousands of strangers AND meeting up with a group of friends from our local watering hole CHEERS? One of the barflies at CHEERS is still asking me to flash them a decade later!
Anyways, back to the grieving now. The four of us settled on the beach for the day and the Dominican men started smiling widely and ogling. In my head I was cursing "great, it is starting already" (the attention to the beauty queen). As I went to get myself a fruity drink to 'hush' the ridiculous negative self talk going on in my head, something totally unexpected happened! The Dominican ooglers followed me to the bar. They asked me my name, put flowers in my hair and had HUGE smiles on their faces. Then a crowd of Dominican men started forming around me! The attention just did not make sense. I asked them "Why is everybody gathering here? Do I look like somebody famous?" One of them piped up "NO, you are just so very beautiful!" I was like "WTF???"As the week progressed, my husband became very nervous and he would not let me go anywhere unaccompanied because I literally had an entourage of admirers everywhere I went. It was thrilling!
A couple of years later, we went to CUBA. Again, I grieved about being so big and going with 2 other couples who were comprised of skinny and perfect chicks! On the very first night, the smiling Cuban men started staring and smiling, pointing, waving and following me! My husband got nervous again!Everyday, the workers gave me flowers for my hair, grasshoppers made from palm leaves, and any other tropical plant treats they could think of. One of our waiters gave me a cross necklace! I even got marriage proposals! Now, you have to remember there were 2 skinny girls and 5 other men everywhere we went. The Cubans did not acknowledge them. I felt like a virgin at a prison rodeo!!It became a fun 'theme' for the week...the sex kitten goes to Cuba! It was on that trip that I claimed "Weight Watchers can KISS MY ASS!"
I wish I could say that I really meant that statement. BUT, I must live in North America (at least for now), and I am unhealthy with my blood sugars and weight and smoking. I am going to Cuba again next week...and I can barely wait!!! No grieving this time...I will not disappoint my Cuban fans! I will have to work twice as hard to burn off all those fruity drinks I will be ingesting! BUT...it is a price I am willing to pay!
Lynn
;)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Lynn's Pity Party
Weight 258 Body Fat 44.3% Weight loss 0 BF loss 0!
*CAUTION- THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS WHINING*
I am frustrated! I am angry that I have to work twice as hard to lose 1 pound. I am angry that everybody else can eat what they want and I can't. I am angry that I have been working very hard to lose weight and it is not working. I have been working out one hour a day religiously for a month with no weight loss results on the scales! Today, I am just "feeling sorry for myself"... having a pity party and nobody is invited!!
Did you ever notice if you break up with somebody or have some sort of turmoil in your life that every single song on the radio was written for you? If you are suddenly single you see happy couples strolling hand in hand blissfully ignorant of your feelings? Well, I've had a similar experiences with my fist fight with fat and television. I will never forget the day Oprah pulled out that big ass wagon full of 70 pounds of yellow fat onto the stage! I was traumatized to discover that 70 pounds of fat was so big and horrifically ugly. I was also distressed that another chick from the fat club 'bit the dust'. I was young and not mature enough to be happy for Oprah at the time. I was jealous and I lashed out in rage! I know that I was not the only one who said " it's easy for Oprah...she's rich and has personal trainers and chefs". I even held my own private protest and stopped watching her show for a while. I held on to this poor attitude for a couple of years.
This diet failed for Oprah. It was some sort of 'magic potion or pill'... so as soon as she started eating real food she ballooned right back up to the fat chick I knew and loved. But something changed in her this time. Her heartbreak was evident on her face all the time. The pain and humiliation of showing it off and then getting fatter than before...quickly and on national TV...was too much to bear. I began to feel her pain. Oprah's hair got bigger, her make up louder to compensate and take attention away from the weight. But, instead it only drew more attention to it. For some reason, the bigger women get....the bigger the outfits, the make up, and the hair get. I realized at that moment that Oprah was human.
I started to really love Oprah again when she began to open up and share her pain about her personal struggles with weight with us. She had shows just about losing weight and getting healthy and she included the audience. She made it possible for regular-folk to share their pain and struggles. Her shows were not only about how to lose weight, they also featured accessible ideas and plans that were relevant to us common-folk. Oprah let us know that we are not alone out there...we all struggle, beat the hell out of ourselves, and cry in changing rooms all over the world.
Yesterday, I watched 'Made', a television series on Much Music that gives teenagers the chance to be partnered with a coach and accomplish a goal over their summer break. Some kids have become BMX racers, surfers, skateboarders, models, and so on. Yesterday a fat and inactive kid who was 275 pounds and about 5'2 wanted to be a triathlete. This 17 year old boy had never exercised and he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and hypothyroid. When he started the show I said "this poor kid doesn't have a chance". Well...low and behold...he managed to lose 40 pounds in 3 months and he completed a mini triathlon. Near the end, during the last mile of the run...he quit. He said he 'hit a wall' and couldn't do it. I lost it!! Just like a "run Forrest run!!!" moment, I stood up in my living room and cried out "you HAVE to do it god damn it!!! I NEED you to do this for me!!! Get moving!". Thank goodness he did get a second wind and completed the race. He was bawling in disbelief as he crossed that finish line... I was hysterically crying and thanking God that he did it! I NEEDED him to do it!
I also watched the Biggest Loser last night. I never dreamt that I would KILL to have this title!!!I used to despise this show as well. My attitude was "oh goody gum drops...the fat people lottery". If you were lucky enough to be taken away and locked up in a specialized fat farm, you could lose weight. I resented these people who had 8 hours a day to work out with a personal trainer, with world class equipment and no chance to cheat with a specialty diet. But, last night my attitude changed for the better, again. These people are wearing 2 piece skin tight spandex outfits on national TV that squeeze their fat out over the sides like a sausage. Their weight is displayed on national television and loudly announced. Last night, despite 8 hour work outs and special diets for a week... they only lost 1-2 pounds each. They had expected a huge loss but the scales did not move. I was devastated for them and cried like a fool along with them. BUT, I did find comfort in their pain... it made me realize that I am not alone in this perpetual struggle.
Please forgive my pity party...I am having a tough time and I am bummed out today. I have been advised by my dietitian and swim coach that I am going to have to do "two-a-days" in order to boost my metabolism and achieve weight loss. What does this mean? It means I must lift weights an hour in the morning, and exercise for an hour in the evening...everyday in order to lose weight. How is this fair? I do not eat anything that is white... only multigrain and whole wheat breads, pastas and rice in my life. I only eat healthy foods with oodles of vegetables and fruit. I do not drink pop and I get sick if I eat fast food, chips or garbage. I only drink water and tons of it. I keep a food diary. I exercise daily. I am doing a tri fit swim which is 100 laps an hour every Monday, spinning 3 times a week, aquarunning, walking 10-15km every week end and 5km of rowing! I am sleeping regularly. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing! I do have more energy, I feel better and I know I will get somewhere if I keep it up. I do realize that all of my work is not in vain... but it is still SUCKING TO BE ME right now!!! I know that I just have to "suck it up...buttercup." Reality bites...so I have to just deal with it.
Lynn
;(
*CAUTION- THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS WHINING*
I am frustrated! I am angry that I have to work twice as hard to lose 1 pound. I am angry that everybody else can eat what they want and I can't. I am angry that I have been working very hard to lose weight and it is not working. I have been working out one hour a day religiously for a month with no weight loss results on the scales! Today, I am just "feeling sorry for myself"... having a pity party and nobody is invited!!
Did you ever notice if you break up with somebody or have some sort of turmoil in your life that every single song on the radio was written for you? If you are suddenly single you see happy couples strolling hand in hand blissfully ignorant of your feelings? Well, I've had a similar experiences with my fist fight with fat and television. I will never forget the day Oprah pulled out that big ass wagon full of 70 pounds of yellow fat onto the stage! I was traumatized to discover that 70 pounds of fat was so big and horrifically ugly. I was also distressed that another chick from the fat club 'bit the dust'. I was young and not mature enough to be happy for Oprah at the time. I was jealous and I lashed out in rage! I know that I was not the only one who said " it's easy for Oprah...she's rich and has personal trainers and chefs". I even held my own private protest and stopped watching her show for a while. I held on to this poor attitude for a couple of years.
This diet failed for Oprah. It was some sort of 'magic potion or pill'... so as soon as she started eating real food she ballooned right back up to the fat chick I knew and loved. But something changed in her this time. Her heartbreak was evident on her face all the time. The pain and humiliation of showing it off and then getting fatter than before...quickly and on national TV...was too much to bear. I began to feel her pain. Oprah's hair got bigger, her make up louder to compensate and take attention away from the weight. But, instead it only drew more attention to it. For some reason, the bigger women get....the bigger the outfits, the make up, and the hair get. I realized at that moment that Oprah was human.
I started to really love Oprah again when she began to open up and share her pain about her personal struggles with weight with us. She had shows just about losing weight and getting healthy and she included the audience. She made it possible for regular-folk to share their pain and struggles. Her shows were not only about how to lose weight, they also featured accessible ideas and plans that were relevant to us common-folk. Oprah let us know that we are not alone out there...we all struggle, beat the hell out of ourselves, and cry in changing rooms all over the world.
Yesterday, I watched 'Made', a television series on Much Music that gives teenagers the chance to be partnered with a coach and accomplish a goal over their summer break. Some kids have become BMX racers, surfers, skateboarders, models, and so on. Yesterday a fat and inactive kid who was 275 pounds and about 5'2 wanted to be a triathlete. This 17 year old boy had never exercised and he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and hypothyroid. When he started the show I said "this poor kid doesn't have a chance". Well...low and behold...he managed to lose 40 pounds in 3 months and he completed a mini triathlon. Near the end, during the last mile of the run...he quit. He said he 'hit a wall' and couldn't do it. I lost it!! Just like a "run Forrest run!!!" moment, I stood up in my living room and cried out "you HAVE to do it god damn it!!! I NEED you to do this for me!!! Get moving!". Thank goodness he did get a second wind and completed the race. He was bawling in disbelief as he crossed that finish line... I was hysterically crying and thanking God that he did it! I NEEDED him to do it!
I also watched the Biggest Loser last night. I never dreamt that I would KILL to have this title!!!I used to despise this show as well. My attitude was "oh goody gum drops...the fat people lottery". If you were lucky enough to be taken away and locked up in a specialized fat farm, you could lose weight. I resented these people who had 8 hours a day to work out with a personal trainer, with world class equipment and no chance to cheat with a specialty diet. But, last night my attitude changed for the better, again. These people are wearing 2 piece skin tight spandex outfits on national TV that squeeze their fat out over the sides like a sausage. Their weight is displayed on national television and loudly announced. Last night, despite 8 hour work outs and special diets for a week... they only lost 1-2 pounds each. They had expected a huge loss but the scales did not move. I was devastated for them and cried like a fool along with them. BUT, I did find comfort in their pain... it made me realize that I am not alone in this perpetual struggle.
Please forgive my pity party...I am having a tough time and I am bummed out today. I have been advised by my dietitian and swim coach that I am going to have to do "two-a-days" in order to boost my metabolism and achieve weight loss. What does this mean? It means I must lift weights an hour in the morning, and exercise for an hour in the evening...everyday in order to lose weight. How is this fair? I do not eat anything that is white... only multigrain and whole wheat breads, pastas and rice in my life. I only eat healthy foods with oodles of vegetables and fruit. I do not drink pop and I get sick if I eat fast food, chips or garbage. I only drink water and tons of it. I keep a food diary. I exercise daily. I am doing a tri fit swim which is 100 laps an hour every Monday, spinning 3 times a week, aquarunning, walking 10-15km every week end and 5km of rowing! I am sleeping regularly. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing! I do have more energy, I feel better and I know I will get somewhere if I keep it up. I do realize that all of my work is not in vain... but it is still SUCKING TO BE ME right now!!! I know that I just have to "suck it up...buttercup." Reality bites...so I have to just deal with it.
Lynn
;(
Friday, October 17, 2008
The PMS Dwarfs
Weight 258 pounds Body Fat 44.3% Pounds lost 1 Body fat loss 0.3%
OMG! I cannot believe I lost a pound! This does not make one ounce of sense! I have no business losing a pound this week!
This week I have been hauling around my little demons...the PMS dwarfs. If you are man or woman you know who they are! BITCHY, BLOATY, CRAMPY, WHINY, CRAVEY, SLEEPY, and KILLER!!! Typically the dwarfs weigh an extra couple of pounds...BLOATY alone is 2 pounds of water! Then, CRAVEY made me eat a barrel of M & M's, and any other chocolate substance I could get my hands on! CRAVEY was totally out of control and this just made SLEEPY and WHINY behave much worse than usual. WHINY didn't want to go to the gym at all, so he and SLEEPY conspired and put me to bed for an involuntary nap a couple times. I have no choice but to tip-toe around KILLER! KILLER is totally unpredictable and he can be harmful to any one's health if they say the wrong thing...or even blink in the wrong direction. So needles to say...when we all stepped onto the scales I was prepared for the worse! I looked at the dietitian in disbelief! I admitted my infidelities to her... I even told her about the barrel of M&M's, the double thick and gooey Caramilk bar, the coke and chips, fudge and crumbs from the couch! I am not kidding...I was a walking, talking, napping bottomless pit!
Do you know what saved me? The exercise! I am very pleased with this 'new' behavior I have adopted. Everyday I plan my schedule around exercise. I swim, spin, aqua-run, walk, row and anything else I can think of... I am always moving. Despite the 'turtle-esque' pace of the weight loss, I have noticed that my clothes fit better and I do have more energy... once the dwarfs get lost! I would kill for an ooey gooey chocolate bucket of TURTLES right now!!! I better get back to the gym!
Lynn
;)
OMG! I cannot believe I lost a pound! This does not make one ounce of sense! I have no business losing a pound this week!
This week I have been hauling around my little demons...the PMS dwarfs. If you are man or woman you know who they are! BITCHY, BLOATY, CRAMPY, WHINY, CRAVEY, SLEEPY, and KILLER!!! Typically the dwarfs weigh an extra couple of pounds...BLOATY alone is 2 pounds of water! Then, CRAVEY made me eat a barrel of M & M's, and any other chocolate substance I could get my hands on! CRAVEY was totally out of control and this just made SLEEPY and WHINY behave much worse than usual. WHINY didn't want to go to the gym at all, so he and SLEEPY conspired and put me to bed for an involuntary nap a couple times. I have no choice but to tip-toe around KILLER! KILLER is totally unpredictable and he can be harmful to any one's health if they say the wrong thing...or even blink in the wrong direction. So needles to say...when we all stepped onto the scales I was prepared for the worse! I looked at the dietitian in disbelief! I admitted my infidelities to her... I even told her about the barrel of M&M's, the double thick and gooey Caramilk bar, the coke and chips, fudge and crumbs from the couch! I am not kidding...I was a walking, talking, napping bottomless pit!
Do you know what saved me? The exercise! I am very pleased with this 'new' behavior I have adopted. Everyday I plan my schedule around exercise. I swim, spin, aqua-run, walk, row and anything else I can think of... I am always moving. Despite the 'turtle-esque' pace of the weight loss, I have noticed that my clothes fit better and I do have more energy... once the dwarfs get lost! I would kill for an ooey gooey chocolate bucket of TURTLES right now!!! I better get back to the gym!
Lynn
;)
Monday, October 13, 2008
Bring it on!
I spontaneously pulled into the Moncton Running Room parking lot in April 2005. I sat in my car and smoked 3 cigarettes before I walked in and signed up for a Learn to Run Clinic. I purchased the proper running shoes, socks and water bottle right then and there. As I walked back to the car I shook my head in disbelief and I asked myself….”What were you thinking?” There was no turning back!
Looking back, I was desperate that day. I was 273 pounds and smoking a full package of cigarettes a day. I was eating and smoking out of control because my life was out of control. I was miserable and stressed out at work. I was crying inexplicably all the time and I needed to take medication for depression and to sleep. I had cracked 4 molars from grinding my teeth in my sleep due to stress. After I paid the dentist $1200 for repairs and a bite plane, I drove directly to the Running Room to learn how to run. Ironically this rock bottom day turned out to be one of the best days of my life. I began to realize that I was judging myself by ‘what I do’ rather than ‘who I am’. My career had taken first place over everything and everyone else. For that, I had built up a lot of bitterness and I subsequently burned out. I needed to do something to de-stress and regain control of my life.
I was scared to death the first night of the clinic! Week after week I asked myself “What were you thinking?” I will never forget the first time we did the 3:1 week. It was a rainy and cold day and I felt breathless and hopeless. I managed to do it with the encouragement of the clinic instructor Stacey and her assistants, Anne, Gus and Shirley. They believed in me more than I did! Despite their encouragement and my incredible accomplishment, I cried all the way home in the car! But, for some reason I kept going back week after week.
The 3:1 week was pivotal to my running success for two reasons. The first reason was meeting my friend Carol. We were always way behind the others in the clinic every week. Carol and I bonded immediately because she turned to me and said “What the heck were we thinking?” We became fast friends! From that week forward, she forced herself to go running because she had agreed to meet me and vice versa. Carol and I continued to ‘bring up the back’ together, laughing and telling stories. Carol and ran 4 km; 3 times a week because we are too stubborn to cancel on each other and neither one of us ever wants to go back to the 3:1 level ever again! We realized that running is beneficial for you physically, and mentally. Before, a rain storm would’ve ruined my day and I would have run from the car to the house. Later, Carol and I would run through the puddles and giggle like fools!
In August 2005, Carol and me participated in the ‘5 Miler’ in the Marathon by the Sea in Saint John NB. During the race, we continuously asked ourselves “What the heck were we thinking?” and “Can you believe that we are actually running?” When I crossed that finish line holding up hands with my 2 running buddies, I felt like I had just climbed Mount Everest! Then, to top it all off, a big picture of us crossing the finish line was in the newspaper that next day! Our faces hurt because we couldn’t stop smiling.
In July 2006, I participated in another dream come true… the Ottawa Bell City Chase. Again, I was scared to death because I didn’t know what to expect and I questioned my abilities. The Bell City Chase was so much fun! My partner in the race, Barbara, was a long lost childhood friend. We had been inseparable from the age of 4-18 years old. Then, our lives took different paths and we lost touch with each other for 19 years. In 2006 we found each other again and we decided that the Bell City Chase was the best way to commemorate our reunion. Barbara lives in the Ottawa region, so we decided on that location. Thank goodness Barbara knew the city well, because I live in Moncton NB and I was clueless to where we were most times. The race was full of wild and crazy adventures and we had so much fun acting like kids again! The race was scheduled over 6 hours (10am- 4pm).We finished in just over 5 hours and we were far from last place. I felt like I could conquer anything when I crossed that finish line!
I began to realize that running had radically changed my life. I originally joined to lose weight and to quit smoking. I did manage to lose 40 pounds, but I gained so much more! I gained self respect and confidence, as well as a fantastic life long friend in Carol. She and I dedicated 4 hours every week to de-stress and take care of ourselves. I also discovered that my entire attitude towards life had changed. I left the safety of convention (my job) and took a giant leap of faith this past January to pursue my dream of becoming a Nurse Entrepreneur. Instead of dreading everyday, I wake up and seek out new challenges and goals to pursue. Instead of asking “What were you thinking?” I now say “Bring it on!”
Carol’s husband got a new job in another city and she moved away in October 2006. I am still devastated that she ran into my life and ran out! (I am just kidding Carol but I do miss you terribly!) I never ran again after our last run together. I am angry with myself as I swore I would never stop running and now when I will have to start from square one again. But the best part is I know I can do it. I don’t question whether I can or I can’t. My next goal is to do a sprint triathlon in May. 2009 and I can barely wait!!!
Sincerely,
Lynn
;)
Looking back, I was desperate that day. I was 273 pounds and smoking a full package of cigarettes a day. I was eating and smoking out of control because my life was out of control. I was miserable and stressed out at work. I was crying inexplicably all the time and I needed to take medication for depression and to sleep. I had cracked 4 molars from grinding my teeth in my sleep due to stress. After I paid the dentist $1200 for repairs and a bite plane, I drove directly to the Running Room to learn how to run. Ironically this rock bottom day turned out to be one of the best days of my life. I began to realize that I was judging myself by ‘what I do’ rather than ‘who I am’. My career had taken first place over everything and everyone else. For that, I had built up a lot of bitterness and I subsequently burned out. I needed to do something to de-stress and regain control of my life.
I was scared to death the first night of the clinic! Week after week I asked myself “What were you thinking?” I will never forget the first time we did the 3:1 week. It was a rainy and cold day and I felt breathless and hopeless. I managed to do it with the encouragement of the clinic instructor Stacey and her assistants, Anne, Gus and Shirley. They believed in me more than I did! Despite their encouragement and my incredible accomplishment, I cried all the way home in the car! But, for some reason I kept going back week after week.
The 3:1 week was pivotal to my running success for two reasons. The first reason was meeting my friend Carol. We were always way behind the others in the clinic every week. Carol and I bonded immediately because she turned to me and said “What the heck were we thinking?” We became fast friends! From that week forward, she forced herself to go running because she had agreed to meet me and vice versa. Carol and I continued to ‘bring up the back’ together, laughing and telling stories. Carol and ran 4 km; 3 times a week because we are too stubborn to cancel on each other and neither one of us ever wants to go back to the 3:1 level ever again! We realized that running is beneficial for you physically, and mentally. Before, a rain storm would’ve ruined my day and I would have run from the car to the house. Later, Carol and I would run through the puddles and giggle like fools!
In August 2005, Carol and me participated in the ‘5 Miler’ in the Marathon by the Sea in Saint John NB. During the race, we continuously asked ourselves “What the heck were we thinking?” and “Can you believe that we are actually running?” When I crossed that finish line holding up hands with my 2 running buddies, I felt like I had just climbed Mount Everest! Then, to top it all off, a big picture of us crossing the finish line was in the newspaper that next day! Our faces hurt because we couldn’t stop smiling.
In July 2006, I participated in another dream come true… the Ottawa Bell City Chase. Again, I was scared to death because I didn’t know what to expect and I questioned my abilities. The Bell City Chase was so much fun! My partner in the race, Barbara, was a long lost childhood friend. We had been inseparable from the age of 4-18 years old. Then, our lives took different paths and we lost touch with each other for 19 years. In 2006 we found each other again and we decided that the Bell City Chase was the best way to commemorate our reunion. Barbara lives in the Ottawa region, so we decided on that location. Thank goodness Barbara knew the city well, because I live in Moncton NB and I was clueless to where we were most times. The race was full of wild and crazy adventures and we had so much fun acting like kids again! The race was scheduled over 6 hours (10am- 4pm).We finished in just over 5 hours and we were far from last place. I felt like I could conquer anything when I crossed that finish line!
I began to realize that running had radically changed my life. I originally joined to lose weight and to quit smoking. I did manage to lose 40 pounds, but I gained so much more! I gained self respect and confidence, as well as a fantastic life long friend in Carol. She and I dedicated 4 hours every week to de-stress and take care of ourselves. I also discovered that my entire attitude towards life had changed. I left the safety of convention (my job) and took a giant leap of faith this past January to pursue my dream of becoming a Nurse Entrepreneur. Instead of dreading everyday, I wake up and seek out new challenges and goals to pursue. Instead of asking “What were you thinking?” I now say “Bring it on!”
Carol’s husband got a new job in another city and she moved away in October 2006. I am still devastated that she ran into my life and ran out! (I am just kidding Carol but I do miss you terribly!) I never ran again after our last run together. I am angry with myself as I swore I would never stop running and now when I will have to start from square one again. But the best part is I know I can do it. I don’t question whether I can or I can’t. My next goal is to do a sprint triathlon in May. 2009 and I can barely wait!!!
Sincerely,
Lynn
;)
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thanksgiving...The DARK side!
Thanksgiving, Christmas and any other function that involves publicly eating with a 'group' are hellish holidays for me. My entire family is big. For as long as I can remember all of us have fallen subject to the most ignorant and insensitive remarks from family, friends and STRANGERS! My brother was nick-named "moose", my dad has always been referred to as "BIG EV" (his name is Everett), and as for Mom, Sis and myself we have been lucky to escape nick-names...we only get unpredictable and random insults.
There is a tremendous disadvantage when you wear your pain (fat) on the outside... people take free reign to make unwelcome and rude comments as they see fit. One of my most traumatizing memory of fat remarks was at my grandmother's funeral. My Dad's mother, the most amazing and loving soul, was the center of our universe. My grieving Dad was standing beside his dead mother's casket and one of the most infamously ignorant guests said "My goodness Everett, you're so BIG... if somebody pricked your belly with a pin it would blow all over the room like a balloon!!" What the hell was she thinking? How on earth do these people live with themselves? To this day I want to suffocate the pudgy old witch with an overstuffed dinner roll and poke her in the belly with a rusty pin!
Many years ago, I was heart-broken to learn that my parents do not eat at gatherings of any kind... EVER! They eat a meal before they go, and do NOT touch any food at public gatherings. I asked my Dad why he does this...and he told me people stare, point and/or make rude comments. I thought my Dad was over-reacting...until I became victim myself more times than I would like to recall. One time, I was suckered into going to a shower with a group that had pelted me with many ignorant comments before. So, like my parents... I decided to eat before this stressful event and not touch any of the food! When the potato salad was presented the host loudly stated " make sure everybody gets some before you get into it Lynn". I desperately tried to recall the 'get together' where I stole the barrel full of potato salad from the starving African orphans and licked it freaking clean... leaving the orphans to die of starvation!! Somebody must have slipped a "roofie" in that vat of potato salad while I blindly gorged on it...because I cannot recall that particular event at all!! I made a point to only drink water and coffee for the entire shower. When I went into the kitchen to fill my water glass another guest whom I have never met loudly said " Now don't you eat all that cake...that's for the guest of honor!" I answered "Damn it! I was just about to put my face right in it and lick it all clean...now what am I going to do?" I left without looking back. Sadly this event is not an exceptional day, it has become a 'normal' occurrence in my life and has happened more times than I can count.
Nobody has any right to say mean comments to anyone... but for some reason this 'curse' follows me everywhere I go. One Christmas, at my ex boyfriend's house, I was served Christmas dinner on a small salad plate while the rest of the people around the table ( about 12) ate from large plates. My boyfriend's mother proudly announced to all that I would feel fuller quicker. I tried act grateful for her 'thoughtfulness'...I also tried desperately not to cry. The saddest thing about that day, besides the OBVIOUS elephant in the room, was that I was 70 pounds lighter than I am now! I was actually at my present goal weight...and still treated like some gorging fat beast! The good news is, that this behavior was 'routine' banter with this group too. So, I was thrilled that I was prepared for such an insult. I had a suitcase with a 'fake' bottom that I layered with chips, dip, chocolate bars and cigarettes! Every night of our stay at his folks that week, I slipped away for a bath. I sneak-smoked out the window while the tub ran...and giggled and laughed at how brilliant I was. Then, I had my own secret feast. I remember smugly chipping and dipping whilst sitting in the tub....smiling and proclaiming " I am so SMART! I win!" Yes, I won...right? WRONG!
Another ignoramus had the balls to tell me she was "shocked" to learn that my husband and I were married...to each other! My husband is a gorgeous little French man with the 'sweetest ass' I ever squeezed! She went on to say she thought we were 'just good friends' because he is so gorgeous and I was ... so BIG! This 'dumb ass' actually thought she was complimenting me on how 'in love' we were. To add insult to injury she then went on to tell me that she has been a bridesmaid many times and cannot understand why fat brides always have skinny bridesmaids in their wedding. This camel-toed-trashy-ditch-pig with fried dirty hair and a squidgy... was TOTALLY serious!!!! So, with a wide grin I answered "You obviously have never heard of the fat girl code of weddings ... all of us fat girls around the world made a pact to select the homliest chicks for bridesmaids that we possibly can so we will stand out and look stunning on our day...that is why you've been in so many weddings." The dumb-ass was perplexed and nodded "oh". I walked away and left her to figure out that puzzle on her own. This was at least 5 years ago, and she is still sitting at the bar scratching her head wondering why I won't speak to her.
Sadly for me, I have to make plans ahead of time and eat before I 'roll out' of the house this week end. As Thanksgiving approaches for me... I can only think back to the good old Brownie's motto "Be Prepared"... with resentment...not with a heart full of gratefulness.
Lynn
;)
There is a tremendous disadvantage when you wear your pain (fat) on the outside... people take free reign to make unwelcome and rude comments as they see fit. One of my most traumatizing memory of fat remarks was at my grandmother's funeral. My Dad's mother, the most amazing and loving soul, was the center of our universe. My grieving Dad was standing beside his dead mother's casket and one of the most infamously ignorant guests said "My goodness Everett, you're so BIG... if somebody pricked your belly with a pin it would blow all over the room like a balloon!!" What the hell was she thinking? How on earth do these people live with themselves? To this day I want to suffocate the pudgy old witch with an overstuffed dinner roll and poke her in the belly with a rusty pin!
Many years ago, I was heart-broken to learn that my parents do not eat at gatherings of any kind... EVER! They eat a meal before they go, and do NOT touch any food at public gatherings. I asked my Dad why he does this...and he told me people stare, point and/or make rude comments. I thought my Dad was over-reacting...until I became victim myself more times than I would like to recall. One time, I was suckered into going to a shower with a group that had pelted me with many ignorant comments before. So, like my parents... I decided to eat before this stressful event and not touch any of the food! When the potato salad was presented the host loudly stated " make sure everybody gets some before you get into it Lynn". I desperately tried to recall the 'get together' where I stole the barrel full of potato salad from the starving African orphans and licked it freaking clean... leaving the orphans to die of starvation!! Somebody must have slipped a "roofie" in that vat of potato salad while I blindly gorged on it...because I cannot recall that particular event at all!! I made a point to only drink water and coffee for the entire shower. When I went into the kitchen to fill my water glass another guest whom I have never met loudly said " Now don't you eat all that cake...that's for the guest of honor!" I answered "Damn it! I was just about to put my face right in it and lick it all clean...now what am I going to do?" I left without looking back. Sadly this event is not an exceptional day, it has become a 'normal' occurrence in my life and has happened more times than I can count.
Nobody has any right to say mean comments to anyone... but for some reason this 'curse' follows me everywhere I go. One Christmas, at my ex boyfriend's house, I was served Christmas dinner on a small salad plate while the rest of the people around the table ( about 12) ate from large plates. My boyfriend's mother proudly announced to all that I would feel fuller quicker. I tried act grateful for her 'thoughtfulness'...I also tried desperately not to cry. The saddest thing about that day, besides the OBVIOUS elephant in the room, was that I was 70 pounds lighter than I am now! I was actually at my present goal weight...and still treated like some gorging fat beast! The good news is, that this behavior was 'routine' banter with this group too. So, I was thrilled that I was prepared for such an insult. I had a suitcase with a 'fake' bottom that I layered with chips, dip, chocolate bars and cigarettes! Every night of our stay at his folks that week, I slipped away for a bath. I sneak-smoked out the window while the tub ran...and giggled and laughed at how brilliant I was. Then, I had my own secret feast. I remember smugly chipping and dipping whilst sitting in the tub....smiling and proclaiming " I am so SMART! I win!" Yes, I won...right? WRONG!
Another ignoramus had the balls to tell me she was "shocked" to learn that my husband and I were married...to each other! My husband is a gorgeous little French man with the 'sweetest ass' I ever squeezed! She went on to say she thought we were 'just good friends' because he is so gorgeous and I was ... so BIG! This 'dumb ass' actually thought she was complimenting me on how 'in love' we were. To add insult to injury she then went on to tell me that she has been a bridesmaid many times and cannot understand why fat brides always have skinny bridesmaids in their wedding. This camel-toed-trashy-ditch-pig with fried dirty hair and a squidgy... was TOTALLY serious!!!! So, with a wide grin I answered "You obviously have never heard of the fat girl code of weddings ... all of us fat girls around the world made a pact to select the homliest chicks for bridesmaids that we possibly can so we will stand out and look stunning on our day...that is why you've been in so many weddings." The dumb-ass was perplexed and nodded "oh". I walked away and left her to figure out that puzzle on her own. This was at least 5 years ago, and she is still sitting at the bar scratching her head wondering why I won't speak to her.
Sadly for me, I have to make plans ahead of time and eat before I 'roll out' of the house this week end. As Thanksgiving approaches for me... I can only think back to the good old Brownie's motto "Be Prepared"... with resentment...not with a heart full of gratefulness.
Lynn
;)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Don't Shower on Weigh Day!!!
Weight 259.5 Body Fat 44.6%- Weight Gain 0.5 pounds, Body Fat up 0.1%
My 100 pound journey is off to an "caterpillar-esque" start. In fact, the journey so far reminds me of those ping pong paddles with the rubber ball attached with a string. "Fly be free!" then back to the paddle for a "SMACK!" Over and over. Yes folks I gained again!!! Unfortunately I cannot say I don't know why...Saturday I had pizza!! My exercise is still going on everyday and going strong, sometimes twice a day. BUT, the fat-o-meter confirms it is FAT, not muscle. If am going to cheat at all...I might as well tape the pizza or offending VIOLATION directly on my ass, rather than eat it.
I also hit the painful reality today (that would be a SMACK moment on the paddle). My little weigh-day antics really don't make a difference either! My regimen is similar to those psycho BINGO babes who have their bingo blotters blessed by the priest, line up their trolls ( the ugly dolls with out of control neon hair ... and their kids) and who grow beards...oh wait a minute...they can't help that! Well, I have a weigh-day regimen that is comparably insane. Let's review some of my irrational weigh day beliefs!
1. No showering on weigh day- I shower the night before, so the water molecules in my gazillion pores can evaporate!! My gal pal at coffee contradicted this theory this morning...she says dirt would weigh more than water...so I will be showering and exfoliating for next week weigh-in!
2. No moisturizing_ I use Palmer's cream which contributes to my "creamy creamy dreamy beach smelling skin". I skip this luxury on weigh-day because it will add mass!
3. If God is good...he will let me poop!- I am sure on some days that I 'lose' at least 10 pounds!!! However, coffee gal pal has also shattered this belief of mine. She told me that she weighed 'before' and 'after' with no difference on the scales, not even a millionth of an ounce! Damn!
4. Always get weighed in the morning- All of us fighting the battle of the bulge understand that over the course of a day you gain 10 pounds from gravity, pollution in your pores, hair spray and that heavy fibre cereal that you ate for breakfast.
5. Clothes weigh at least 10 pounds!- Unfortunately for me, I get weighed at a public place, so my little dietitian Judy (the same psycho who recommends eating half of a banana instead of a whole one- I said monkeys don't eat half a banana lady!) will not allow me to strip off to my thong! I did OK in the summer but now that it's cold I look odd wearing a bathing suit and flip fops with a heavy Fall jacket and scarf!
6. No salt or sodium based anything the day before- I don't know about you, but if I even smell salt I bloat up like the stay puff marshmallow man!
7. Begging God for a 'break'- This does not work at all. You can ask God for spiritual guidance, motivation, even a spiritual kick in the ass, but he laughs his ass off when you ask for forgiveness or a "break" on the scales! In fact, I am pretty sure he had a belly laugh at me today as I approached the monstrous beast of a scale! God is in fact everywhere, this morning he put his foot on the scales while I was on them!
8. "This won't hurt a bit"- How on earth do we continue to fall for this? You know it's going to hurt like hell at the dentist when they say that! You know the nurse is about to jab you with a big ass needle when she says this. So, why on earth do we let our brains convince us that eating 4 slices of orgasmic ooey gooey pizza with melted orgasmic cheese on top...isn't going to hurt a bit?
9. If you eat with your eyes closed the calories don't count- I don't think I need to explain this irrational but soothing excuse! Those of you who have "been there" already know.
10. Keeping a food diary expedites weigh loss- FALSE- I just realized that if you don't record every morsel in your mouth this does not work. Did you know that writing down that you ate fruit... and leaving out the angel food cake and chocolate fondue part...does not work either! This is unacceptable!! LOL!
I hope that you take away some new found knowledge from my weigh-day regimen. I sure had a great laugh at myself! (I'm sorry BINGO ladies!)
"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!!!"
Lynn
;)
My 100 pound journey is off to an "caterpillar-esque" start. In fact, the journey so far reminds me of those ping pong paddles with the rubber ball attached with a string. "Fly be free!" then back to the paddle for a "SMACK!" Over and over. Yes folks I gained again!!! Unfortunately I cannot say I don't know why...Saturday I had pizza!! My exercise is still going on everyday and going strong, sometimes twice a day. BUT, the fat-o-meter confirms it is FAT, not muscle. If am going to cheat at all...I might as well tape the pizza or offending VIOLATION directly on my ass, rather than eat it.
I also hit the painful reality today (that would be a SMACK moment on the paddle). My little weigh-day antics really don't make a difference either! My regimen is similar to those psycho BINGO babes who have their bingo blotters blessed by the priest, line up their trolls ( the ugly dolls with out of control neon hair ... and their kids) and who grow beards...oh wait a minute...they can't help that! Well, I have a weigh-day regimen that is comparably insane. Let's review some of my irrational weigh day beliefs!
1. No showering on weigh day- I shower the night before, so the water molecules in my gazillion pores can evaporate!! My gal pal at coffee contradicted this theory this morning...she says dirt would weigh more than water...so I will be showering and exfoliating for next week weigh-in!
2. No moisturizing_ I use Palmer's cream which contributes to my "creamy creamy dreamy beach smelling skin". I skip this luxury on weigh-day because it will add mass!
3. If God is good...he will let me poop!- I am sure on some days that I 'lose' at least 10 pounds!!! However, coffee gal pal has also shattered this belief of mine. She told me that she weighed 'before' and 'after' with no difference on the scales, not even a millionth of an ounce! Damn!
4. Always get weighed in the morning- All of us fighting the battle of the bulge understand that over the course of a day you gain 10 pounds from gravity, pollution in your pores, hair spray and that heavy fibre cereal that you ate for breakfast.
5. Clothes weigh at least 10 pounds!- Unfortunately for me, I get weighed at a public place, so my little dietitian Judy (the same psycho who recommends eating half of a banana instead of a whole one- I said monkeys don't eat half a banana lady!) will not allow me to strip off to my thong! I did OK in the summer but now that it's cold I look odd wearing a bathing suit and flip fops with a heavy Fall jacket and scarf!
6. No salt or sodium based anything the day before- I don't know about you, but if I even smell salt I bloat up like the stay puff marshmallow man!
7. Begging God for a 'break'- This does not work at all. You can ask God for spiritual guidance, motivation, even a spiritual kick in the ass, but he laughs his ass off when you ask for forgiveness or a "break" on the scales! In fact, I am pretty sure he had a belly laugh at me today as I approached the monstrous beast of a scale! God is in fact everywhere, this morning he put his foot on the scales while I was on them!
8. "This won't hurt a bit"- How on earth do we continue to fall for this? You know it's going to hurt like hell at the dentist when they say that! You know the nurse is about to jab you with a big ass needle when she says this. So, why on earth do we let our brains convince us that eating 4 slices of orgasmic ooey gooey pizza with melted orgasmic cheese on top...isn't going to hurt a bit?
9. If you eat with your eyes closed the calories don't count- I don't think I need to explain this irrational but soothing excuse! Those of you who have "been there" already know.
10. Keeping a food diary expedites weigh loss- FALSE- I just realized that if you don't record every morsel in your mouth this does not work. Did you know that writing down that you ate fruit... and leaving out the angel food cake and chocolate fondue part...does not work either! This is unacceptable!! LOL!
I hope that you take away some new found knowledge from my weigh-day regimen. I sure had a great laugh at myself! (I'm sorry BINGO ladies!)
"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!!!"
Lynn
;)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
FAT KIDS
I went to a Wildcats game a couple weeks ago. I don't recall much of the game at all. Do you want to know why? I was absolutely shocked and horrified by the number of obese children...everywhere. There was so many fat kids that the normal-sized kids stood out of the crowd. Now I am not talking chubby. I am referring to really horrifically morbidly obese fat-ass kids! A couple of kids had huge beer guts, hanging down over their pants with plumber ass cracks. To make matters even worse, I saw many kids scarf down about $30 worth of garbage each during the game (french fries, cotton candy, popcorn, chips, soda, deep fried pretzels, ice cream). Trip after trip to the concessions stands non-stop!! That is gross! This tragedy has been haunting me.
I was a chubby kid and now I am a fat adult. Thank God, I grew up in the days where kids played outdoors all day and all night. I remember my Mother dragging me reluctantly inside because it was bedtime. I had a little French boyfriend named 'Freddie' when I was a little girl, . I used to force that poor bugger to kiss me against his will and play Barbies with me instead of going to hockey practice! Freddie and I played cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, climbed mountains (which are just little rocks now), and we rode our bikes all over the world!!! (The world of little kids that is!) When there was snow we spent hours digging forts, sliding, and exploring for hours on end. Don't forget tag, hide-and-go seek, and garden raids!!! Freddie and I NEVER watched television and computers did not exist. THANK GOD!! Sadly those days of freedom are gone. With today's double income homes, latch key kids and psychopaths out there...kids cannot go outside and explore freely. It isn't safe.
It also is not safe to sit back and allow the television to babysit your children either. It is even worse that parents routinely facilitate Internet surfing, instant messaging and computer gaming for their children for hours on end! Ironically, in this day-and-age where parents strive for their kids to have more than they ever did ...they are actually sending their children to an early grave. To hell with the environment for our children's future...they will not live to see the ramifications of pollution. These kids are all going to die due to obesity related illnesses before they are 30. I am not exaggerating! Because of this culture of excess, diseases that used to be isolated to the adult population are now popping up in 10 year old kids! How sad is that in today's world where information is just a click away?
Well listen up folks! Here is what I think of your obese kid...I am disgusted! I can't even look at you! Your kid can be smart as hell, talented, charming and big hearted...and I will never know. As soon as I lay eyes on your morbidly obese kid I instantly think "lazy and obnoxious". When they are morbidly obese adults I will not hire them for the same reason. My corporation is not going to lose billions of dollars on obesity related diseases and sick time. I need a productive employee who is motivated to excel. Morbidly obese kids represent the exact opposite. Sadly it is not thier fault, but this is how the world works.
One time at WalMart I saw a 4 years old kid and she was at least 100 pounds! She was a FAT BEAST! That kid isn't even old enough to make a decision to wipe her own ass and her mother was shoving chips at her. I would never claim that 'chub-rub' disaster as mine. I would be hiding because that kid is a walking advertisement for her mother's poor parenting skills. If only that mother knew she was basically screaming " I am an abysmal failure as a parent and human being". That kid should be taken away from this woman so she at least gets a shot at life. She is screwed at 4 years old! Thus far the most common excuse for parents breeding fat kids is guilt. Well alieve your guilt by shoving 3 Twinkies in your own pie-hole! Your fat kid is a walking-short of breath-grunting advertisement for neglect!
This message is not nice, but it is necessary. I have spent my entire life fist-fighting with fat. I do not blame my parents as they encouraged exercise and daily activity and regular meals. My size is directly related to my poor decisions and lifestyle choices as an adult. I cannot even begin to express the intolerable cruelty going on in my own head , let alone the social pressures associated with being fat. I may be fat, but I am also fit. Even the skinny kids out there are not physcially fit. Peer pressure for kids today is 1000 times worse than it ever was in our day. Kids have to walk and talk and dress a certain way in order to be accepted. If only parents could just say "no" to instant gratification. For a short temper tantrum of disappointment, they would save their kids a lifetime of pain. It is time to stop tip-toeing around this issue and wake the hell up! It is time we all consciouly cross the politcally correct line and say "your kid is fat...there is no need of that". To hell with saving the whales...just say NO!
Lynn
;)
I was a chubby kid and now I am a fat adult. Thank God, I grew up in the days where kids played outdoors all day and all night. I remember my Mother dragging me reluctantly inside because it was bedtime. I had a little French boyfriend named 'Freddie' when I was a little girl, . I used to force that poor bugger to kiss me against his will and play Barbies with me instead of going to hockey practice! Freddie and I played cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, climbed mountains (which are just little rocks now), and we rode our bikes all over the world!!! (The world of little kids that is!) When there was snow we spent hours digging forts, sliding, and exploring for hours on end. Don't forget tag, hide-and-go seek, and garden raids!!! Freddie and I NEVER watched television and computers did not exist. THANK GOD!! Sadly those days of freedom are gone. With today's double income homes, latch key kids and psychopaths out there...kids cannot go outside and explore freely. It isn't safe.
It also is not safe to sit back and allow the television to babysit your children either. It is even worse that parents routinely facilitate Internet surfing, instant messaging and computer gaming for their children for hours on end! Ironically, in this day-and-age where parents strive for their kids to have more than they ever did ...they are actually sending their children to an early grave. To hell with the environment for our children's future...they will not live to see the ramifications of pollution. These kids are all going to die due to obesity related illnesses before they are 30. I am not exaggerating! Because of this culture of excess, diseases that used to be isolated to the adult population are now popping up in 10 year old kids! How sad is that in today's world where information is just a click away?
Well listen up folks! Here is what I think of your obese kid...I am disgusted! I can't even look at you! Your kid can be smart as hell, talented, charming and big hearted...and I will never know. As soon as I lay eyes on your morbidly obese kid I instantly think "lazy and obnoxious". When they are morbidly obese adults I will not hire them for the same reason. My corporation is not going to lose billions of dollars on obesity related diseases and sick time. I need a productive employee who is motivated to excel. Morbidly obese kids represent the exact opposite. Sadly it is not thier fault, but this is how the world works.
One time at WalMart I saw a 4 years old kid and she was at least 100 pounds! She was a FAT BEAST! That kid isn't even old enough to make a decision to wipe her own ass and her mother was shoving chips at her. I would never claim that 'chub-rub' disaster as mine. I would be hiding because that kid is a walking advertisement for her mother's poor parenting skills. If only that mother knew she was basically screaming " I am an abysmal failure as a parent and human being". That kid should be taken away from this woman so she at least gets a shot at life. She is screwed at 4 years old! Thus far the most common excuse for parents breeding fat kids is guilt. Well alieve your guilt by shoving 3 Twinkies in your own pie-hole! Your fat kid is a walking-short of breath-grunting advertisement for neglect!
This message is not nice, but it is necessary. I have spent my entire life fist-fighting with fat. I do not blame my parents as they encouraged exercise and daily activity and regular meals. My size is directly related to my poor decisions and lifestyle choices as an adult. I cannot even begin to express the intolerable cruelty going on in my own head , let alone the social pressures associated with being fat. I may be fat, but I am also fit. Even the skinny kids out there are not physcially fit. Peer pressure for kids today is 1000 times worse than it ever was in our day. Kids have to walk and talk and dress a certain way in order to be accepted. If only parents could just say "no" to instant gratification. For a short temper tantrum of disappointment, they would save their kids a lifetime of pain. It is time to stop tip-toeing around this issue and wake the hell up! It is time we all consciouly cross the politcally correct line and say "your kid is fat...there is no need of that". To hell with saving the whales...just say NO!
Lynn
;)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sabotage
Weight-259 Body Fat 44.2% Pounds gained!-1pound Body Fat- Loss 0.5%
I must admit I am a hypocrite. I just posted that I would not be obsessed with numbers, and I would just go by the way I feel. Well, I lied! I gained weight this week. My heart sunk in my boots when I saw that I gained a pound. Yes, I know about gaining muscle to lose pounds. I know the logic...muscle is heavier than fat, more muscle means faster fat loss...bla, bla, bla... I get it. But that 1 single rat-bastard-pound slapped me in the face! Could I say that I have no idea why the loss didn't happen? Of course I can...but that would be a lie. I sabotaged myself. I will never understand why I sabotage myself. I had a fabulous week with my diet and exercised like a son of a gun! On Sunday, the day before weigh in I ate 8 rice crispy squares! Not one...EIGHT! Over the day I heard the box of rice crispy squares taunting me saying... "Eat me bitch! EAT ME!" I was in a trance... and obeyed the rice crispy square gods. The definition of sabotage is:
1.any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.
2.any undermining of a cause.
3.to injure or attack by sabotage.
4. disable, vandalize, cripple
I have participated in this behavior for many years. I do not have an excuse. I couldn't be a Jerry Springer guest if I wanted to be. My parents have been married 50 years this coming March. I had a fabulous childhood... and so did my friends because my parents are amazing. My parents lugged me and my friends everywhere for swimming, bass lessons, guitar lessons, band practice, church choir and youth group, curling, drama and plays, cottage week ends, parties and everything in between! My schedule as a kid was ridiculous, BUT it was my choice. No pressure from Mom and Dad...I just kept right on going. I like to be busy. I have great friends. I went to many parties and I have many wild and crazy adventures that I cannot discuss publicly! (I bet you Logan is sighing with relief right now! LOL!) I am also married to my soul mate and my stepkids ROCK!!! I have my own business and I work from home. I used to have plenty of reasons to blame my weight gain on. But now those excuses are all gone and I am left wondering what to do...I have nothing to blame! I have a fabulous life! So great family, wonderful friends, loads of good times= no excuses! So why on earth do I sabotage?
Lynn
;)
I must admit I am a hypocrite. I just posted that I would not be obsessed with numbers, and I would just go by the way I feel. Well, I lied! I gained weight this week. My heart sunk in my boots when I saw that I gained a pound. Yes, I know about gaining muscle to lose pounds. I know the logic...muscle is heavier than fat, more muscle means faster fat loss...bla, bla, bla... I get it. But that 1 single rat-bastard-pound slapped me in the face! Could I say that I have no idea why the loss didn't happen? Of course I can...but that would be a lie. I sabotaged myself. I will never understand why I sabotage myself. I had a fabulous week with my diet and exercised like a son of a gun! On Sunday, the day before weigh in I ate 8 rice crispy squares! Not one...EIGHT! Over the day I heard the box of rice crispy squares taunting me saying... "Eat me bitch! EAT ME!" I was in a trance... and obeyed the rice crispy square gods. The definition of sabotage is:
1.any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.
2.any undermining of a cause.
3.to injure or attack by sabotage.
4. disable, vandalize, cripple
I have participated in this behavior for many years. I do not have an excuse. I couldn't be a Jerry Springer guest if I wanted to be. My parents have been married 50 years this coming March. I had a fabulous childhood... and so did my friends because my parents are amazing. My parents lugged me and my friends everywhere for swimming, bass lessons, guitar lessons, band practice, church choir and youth group, curling, drama and plays, cottage week ends, parties and everything in between! My schedule as a kid was ridiculous, BUT it was my choice. No pressure from Mom and Dad...I just kept right on going. I like to be busy. I have great friends. I went to many parties and I have many wild and crazy adventures that I cannot discuss publicly! (I bet you Logan is sighing with relief right now! LOL!) I am also married to my soul mate and my stepkids ROCK!!! I have my own business and I work from home. I used to have plenty of reasons to blame my weight gain on. But now those excuses are all gone and I am left wondering what to do...I have nothing to blame! I have a fabulous life! So great family, wonderful friends, loads of good times= no excuses! So why on earth do I sabotage?
Lynn
;)
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