Lynn's Pity Party

Weight 258 Body Fat 44.3% Weight loss 0 BF loss 0!

*CAUTION- THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS WHINING*

I am frustrated! I am angry that I have to work twice as hard to lose 1 pound. I am angry that everybody else can eat what they want and I can't. I am angry that I have been working very hard to lose weight and it is not working. I have been working out one hour a day religiously for a month with no weight loss results on the scales! Today, I am just "feeling sorry for myself"... having a pity party and nobody is invited!!

Did you ever notice if you break up with somebody or have some sort of turmoil in your life that every single song on the radio was written for you? If you are suddenly single you see happy couples strolling hand in hand blissfully ignorant of your feelings? Well, I've had a similar experiences with my fist fight with fat and television. I will never forget the day Oprah pulled out that big ass wagon full of 70 pounds of yellow fat onto the stage! I was traumatized to discover that 70 pounds of fat was so big and horrifically ugly. I was also distressed that another chick from the fat club 'bit the dust'. I was young and not mature enough to be happy for Oprah at the time. I was jealous and I lashed out in rage! I know that I was not the only one who said " it's easy for Oprah...she's rich and has personal trainers and chefs". I even held my own private protest and stopped watching her show for a while. I held on to this poor attitude for a couple of years.

This diet failed for Oprah. It was some sort of 'magic potion or pill'... so as soon as she started eating real food she ballooned right back up to the fat chick I knew and loved. But something changed in her this time. Her heartbreak was evident on her face all the time. The pain and humiliation of showing it off and then getting fatter than before...quickly and on national TV...was too much to bear. I began to feel her pain. Oprah's hair got bigger, her make up louder to compensate and take attention away from the weight. But, instead it only drew more attention to it. For some reason, the bigger women get....the bigger the outfits, the make up, and the hair get. I realized at that moment that Oprah was human.

I started to really love Oprah again when she began to open up and share her pain about her personal struggles with weight with us. She had shows just about losing weight and getting healthy and she included the audience. She made it possible for regular-folk to share their pain and struggles. Her shows were not only about how to lose weight, they also featured accessible ideas and plans that were relevant to us common-folk. Oprah let us know that we are not alone out there...we all struggle, beat the hell out of ourselves, and cry in changing rooms all over the world.

Yesterday, I watched 'Made', a television series on Much Music that gives teenagers the chance to be partnered with a coach and accomplish a goal over their summer break. Some kids have become BMX racers, surfers, skateboarders, models, and so on. Yesterday a fat and inactive kid who was 275 pounds and about 5'2 wanted to be a triathlete. This 17 year old boy had never exercised and he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and hypothyroid. When he started the show I said "this poor kid doesn't have a chance". Well...low and behold...he managed to lose 40 pounds in 3 months and he completed a mini triathlon. Near the end, during the last mile of the run...he quit. He said he 'hit a wall' and couldn't do it. I lost it!! Just like a "run Forrest run!!!" moment, I stood up in my living room and cried out "you HAVE to do it god damn it!!! I NEED you to do this for me!!! Get moving!". Thank goodness he did get a second wind and completed the race. He was bawling in disbelief as he crossed that finish line... I was hysterically crying and thanking God that he did it! I NEEDED him to do it!

I also watched the Biggest Loser last night. I never dreamt that I would KILL to have this title!!!I used to despise this show as well. My attitude was "oh goody gum drops...the fat people lottery". If you were lucky enough to be taken away and locked up in a specialized fat farm, you could lose weight. I resented these people who had 8 hours a day to work out with a personal trainer, with world class equipment and no chance to cheat with a specialty diet. But, last night my attitude changed for the better, again. These people are wearing 2 piece skin tight spandex outfits on national TV that squeeze their fat out over the sides like a sausage. Their weight is displayed on national television and loudly announced. Last night, despite 8 hour work outs and special diets for a week... they only lost 1-2 pounds each. They had expected a huge loss but the scales did not move. I was devastated for them and cried like a fool along with them. BUT, I did find comfort in their pain... it made me realize that I am not alone in this perpetual struggle.

Please forgive my pity party...I am having a tough time and I am bummed out today. I have been advised by my dietitian and swim coach that I am going to have to do "two-a-days" in order to boost my metabolism and achieve weight loss. What does this mean? It means I must lift weights an hour in the morning, and exercise for an hour in the evening...everyday in order to lose weight. How is this fair? I do not eat anything that is white... only multigrain and whole wheat breads, pastas and rice in my life. I only eat healthy foods with oodles of vegetables and fruit. I do not drink pop and I get sick if I eat fast food, chips or garbage. I only drink water and tons of it. I keep a food diary. I exercise daily. I am doing a tri fit swim which is 100 laps an hour every Monday, spinning 3 times a week, aquarunning, walking 10-15km every week end and 5km of rowing! I am sleeping regularly. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing! I do have more energy, I feel better and I know I will get somewhere if I keep it up. I do realize that all of my work is not in vain... but it is still SUCKING TO BE ME right now!!! I know that I just have to "suck it up...buttercup." Reality bites...so I have to just deal with it.

Lynn
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