"Weight Watchers can KISS MY ASS!"

Ten years ago I went on my first trip south. Instead of being excited like most 'normal' people... I spent months grieving about my size before-hand. I couldn't believe that I agreed to go to the Dominican Republic with a super-fragalistic-brick-house-skinny-chick and her husband. I was sick to my stomach about how fabulous she looked in her tanned skinned gold lamay bikini body. I obsessed how HUGE I was going to look beside her on the beach. All this grief for months before we even got on the plane!

Well, when I am upset I try to offset the pain that I am feeling with humour. I had heard that 'topless' was perfectly acceptable on the beaches of the Dominican Republic. So, the first morning on the beach I joked about showing off my bodacious ta-tas much to my horrified husband's chagrin. As soon as we hit the beach edge, I lifted my top to quickly flash the masses and out of the blue...on a beach full of thousands of people... we heard “OMG! Lynn & Mike are here!!!" I almost puked and died of embarrassment! What are the chances of randomly flashing my boobs on a beach full of thousands of strangers AND meeting up with a group of friends from our local watering hole CHEERS? One of the barflies at CHEERS is still asking me to flash them a decade later!

Anyways, back to the grieving now. The four of us settled on the beach for the day and the Dominican men started smiling widely and ogling. In my head I was cursing "great, it is starting already" (the attention to the beauty queen). As I went to get myself a fruity drink to 'hush' the ridiculous negative self talk going on in my head, something totally unexpected happened! The Dominican ooglers followed me to the bar. They asked me my name, put flowers in my hair and had HUGE smiles on their faces. Then a crowd of Dominican men started forming around me! The attention just did not make sense. I asked them "Why is everybody gathering here? Do I look like somebody famous?" One of them piped up "NO, you are just so very beautiful!" I was like "WTF???"As the week progressed, my husband became very nervous and he would not let me go anywhere unaccompanied because I literally had an entourage of admirers everywhere I went. It was thrilling!

A couple of years later, we went to CUBA. Again, I grieved about being so big and going with 2 other couples who were comprised of skinny and perfect chicks! On the very first night, the smiling Cuban men started staring and smiling, pointing, waving and following me! My husband got nervous again!Everyday, the workers gave me flowers for my hair, grasshoppers made from palm leaves, and any other tropical plant treats they could think of. One of our waiters gave me a cross necklace! I even got marriage proposals! Now, you have to remember there were 2 skinny girls and 5 other men everywhere we went. The Cubans did not acknowledge them. I felt like a virgin at a prison rodeo!!It became a fun 'theme' for the week...the sex kitten goes to Cuba! It was on that trip that I claimed "Weight Watchers can KISS MY ASS!"

I wish I could say that I really meant that statement. BUT, I must live in North America (at least for now), and I am unhealthy with my blood sugars and weight and smoking. I am going to Cuba again next week...and I can barely wait!!! No grieving this time...I will not disappoint my Cuban fans! I will have to work twice as hard to burn off all those fruity drinks I will be ingesting! BUT...it is a price I am willing to pay!

Lynn
;)